This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-17 15:30:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Congress This Morning I find I am yawning amd looking out
the lacy-draped window. I spy a coterie
of leaves waving and executing a 'pas de
trois.' The tree is as impervious as moi.
Or perhaps it's more like reading "War And
Peace" or the rush of reciting medieval
poetry. Is it that I've grown older and
tend to be a paragon of detachment?
But all too well I recall the fire and flame,
its fierce hold, the dedication and delicacy
I gave to it. Now someone else can take my
place as I've held this position too long. |
|
Copyright © October 2004 Mell W. Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-07 14:37:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79310
Dear Mell,
This title is a bit mysterious to the reader at first glance.
IT took me a bit to catch on to the subject matter.
A slight nuance in the title for me and my small vocabulary. :)
I like the tounge in cheek cut to the window to see the dancing leaves.
I think 'coterie' is perfection! 'A coterie of leaves' personifies the
leaves as an exclusive group. I find that to be intriguing as I read on
to find out where you're going with this. The leaves performing a delicate
ballet! What imagry! And yet the tree is unable to be effected or inspired
and alas neither are you(and I'm pretty sure it's something other then the
leaves you were suppose to be inspired by!) Nice simile!
The other thing that comes to mind is that just like the tree is ready to
abandon or 'blow off' the leaves, you are ready to evolve, so to speak.
Unusually nice slant rhyme of pas de trois and moi did not go unnoticed.
What you say in stanza two about becoming "a paragon of detachment" really struck me.
When a person is experiencing pain on a regular basis, they tend to spend
many hours learning the art of detachment. It does carry over onto other parts of
their lives, as well.
WEll, theres bound to be tons of women that can relate to stanza three. What I find interesting is that
this truely could apply to wifely duties or our duty to our country to find a candidate and
vote. But I'm fairly sure I know what this poem is really about.
And I enjoyed your irony and truth.
Niecely done.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2004-10-25 19:21:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mel,
"paragon of detachment?" I'm glad there's a question mark behind it. You're too young to be too
"detached". The piece is current and so true for many of the pre- and current "boomers". Seems like
we should be able to pass the torch, but we're reluctrant to do so. I'll bet it's been the Gordian Knot
of every generation who has had to "let go" and hope for the best.
The piece rings of melancholy and calmning rememberances. Sitting outside the fishbowl and using nature
to relive better times past. It is Autumnal with an aurora of "medieval" magic. I enjoyed the piece
greatly, but hope you will reconsider having someone else "take my place". Stick around, the fun is yet
to come..
As always, Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 12:14:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Stop watching C-Span.
Get a gun and shoot something.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-23 11:28:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73684
Mell,
You captured me with your first lines, of course anyone who uses "coterie" has my attention, but also it was the manner of the meeting, that of "three" leaves which made me think of my days in Virginia, and the Sassafras tree that often produces leaves in three different shapes, (great in tea by the way), and also the "unceremonious" reputation that sassafras has among "stuffed shirts", ie; politicians and wannabe prelates.
I know you were looking out your window, at the “mock” congress, but I chose each analogy, and impute each to the reality of the day. You continue on and with your opinion of the Mock congress, and if your “indifference” was of age or that the reading of “War and Peace” obviously a long, at times dry read, may have clouded the appeal of politicking in general. Maybe reciting medieval poetry would cause an injunction in the actual “compos mentis”, however, to be fare, it is probably more the age thing, and having heard and seen it all!!!
In your last stanza, there is a bit of despair, that reflects a feeling that no matter how much contributions you have made, “we have made”, as Solomon has said, “there is nothing new under the sun”. The ending, though I know the feeling well, made me smile, I could hear Bill Cosby in his routine “Frankenstein” (on his second or third album, back when albums were vinyl, and records were played), saying “I’m not going to be the only one!!” as he tilted the monster. Of course those of us who know the ending of that piece, may reconsider, throwing the actions to our youth. They haven’t the wisdom to appreciate that there is “nothing new under the sun”.
A really great piece Mell, thank you for sharing it. Voting piece. Also, you have absolute permission to email me anytime you wish. Joanne and I have often exchanged views that way.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-21 14:27:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mell-O:
When I saw your title, "Congress This Morning" I felt a bit of surprise that you
had written, I supposed, a political poem. But of course, 'congress' has many
shades of meaning; one of them is sexual, another of them is a meeting of
delegates, and there are more. At any rate, what comes through strongly for
this reader, at least, is a powerful sense of ennui. The speaker uses
elegant language, but describes herself as "impervious" and as a "paragon
of detachment." So what, she seems to ask -- the leaves are fluttering
gracefully, great books are full of dust -- available but lackluster.
It is your final strophe suggests to me that the speaker may be
addressing sexuality as something of the past which is now being
released:
"But all too well I recall the fire and flame,
its fierce hold, the dedication and delicacy
I gave to it."
However, some might argue, the "fire and the flame" could refer to
a vivid sense of being alive, to a 'lust for life' instead of
sexual aliveness. One can picture the speaker as having given
all to living fully, living with "dedication and delicacy" --
giving her all. The sadness of the closing lines overwhelms me:
"Now someone else can take my
place as I've held this position too long."
A reader can imagine the position being held as 'taking up space' on earth.
or perhaps that of a lover/spouse, who has grown disillusioned with her
mate. In any case, she is letting go of her former role, with a decidedly
dispassionate tone. The words "all too well" show us vividly how the
speaker recalls her former feelings and personal investment. These
may bring sorrow, as she has stepped away from these experiences with
a sense of fatigue and resignation.
The poetic delights are here -- the internal rhyme of "pas de trois"
and "moi" for example. Your facility with language makes this poem
all the more ironic. Reading "War And Peace" suggests marital strife,
or strife within oneself, or 'reading' something without passion,
which no longer affects oneself. "What does this have to do with me,
anyway?" the speaker seems to inquire.
I want to read this differently, but I can't. What I hear is complete
disenchantment with life, with even the experiences which brought
great pleasure in the past. I am hoping that this poetic expression
will relieve some of the angst I sense, and allow the writer to
re-embrace living life to its fullest, even if that means merely
observing the leaves waving and feeling a connection with that
movement. As a poem, I think this is excellent, because it evokes
similar emotions in this reader. AND even in the midst of ennui,
our writer/speaker writes with passion and a certain provocative
stance -- this is encouraging! The poet lives and writes! Suffering
visibly is a better sign, at least in my opinion, than pretending
otherwise.
This isn't one of my best offerings as a critiquer -- I am in the
midst of a bad cold/flu -- but wanted to at least give you my
impressions, as you have always done so for me, even in pain.
Brava, my friend!
All my best, always
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-17 20:47:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Dear Mell,
I found this piece on 'view all poetry' as it has gotten 4 crits and has waved
adieu. The humor you display here is delicious...especially..'reading War and Peace'..
I remember parts of that book were a yawn...'or the rush(love this)reciting medieval poetry'..
...now that is exciting..you have been holding out on me. But honestly the entire
demeanor of this poem sounds like farewell, adieu, adios, goodbye, and it troubles me.
But you do recall the 'fire and flame and its fierce hold' and I like that as your spark
still abides even if you have flung it aside and decided to let someone younger take
your place. You must remember that 'your place' will always be yours...there is no one
who can take it, live it, savor it, or do as good a job as you can. So guess your are
stuck...so pull up your big girl panties and trek on! I am not being flippant or making
lite of your situation which I know is difficult at best. I just want Mell back..the
one whose words sing as they char the paper with their intensity, the one who knows how
to make words dance on the page with their beauty and grace,..you remember her...the one
who owns me! Keep fighting, keep writing, keep loving your wonderful son, and keep
astounding us on TPL who look forward everyday to reading your work.
God Bless you to be well once again...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-17 19:04:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mel,
I feel inadequate to critique your wonderful work and I have read so many of your poems. Jo Mo and I speak of you often and wonder how the gifts were placed upon you to write as you do.
I love the title, as if you would have to get up, do the same routine you have completed all your life, yet now it has changed. You have “retired” from this and now go on anew with a freshness and excitement one can feel from the poem. The way you can utilize your verbiage amazes me and though I would never be able to find ways to walk in your steps, it entraps me to want to be more like you. You will never forget the demands, which were once yours on a very strong basis but this poem speaks that it is time you rested allowing others to take the place of that stressful yet fulfilling time.
I maybe all wet but I had to give it a try. A beautifully written poem, as usual, and one, if I read into it correctly, to be exactly where I am in life.
Great job!
Love,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-17 18:47:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Mell–This poem vividly relate a sardonic demeanor, flippant attitude, dispassionated
position and total disinterest. Although, painful to admit, an inference for a depletion
of that insouciant supply. The verbiage also displays gall without seeming contrived or
insulting: longevity and dues paid with no harboring of regrets; causes paraded, banners
waved and voices raised.
Ironically, this actually makes me sad due to echoes from the sentiments of "Poets to
Come:" a releasing of the tether and passing of the torch. Thanks for emoting me beyond
the surface(s). TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-10-17 16:17:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mell;
This poem is unlike you....after the coterie of leaves waving...it seems to me Mell
that you are tired, bored, perhaps feeling under the weather due to your
fragile health. Please understand that as a VITAL POET, you have a responsibility
to your fans/readership/comrades/peers/...even co-conspirators....to attempt
to explain the unexplainable...to taste the unpalatable...to chew the un masticatable
(sorry about this word)...to reinvent a view for the invisible....you Mell are a conduit
of inventiveness to a world of receptors....without your message
there is nothing left for us to do...
You cannot pass on the baton,my dear, because you are still busy
running with it....The position is yours,
please take your seat and pass on your wisdom and insight...
Always your friend..and fan...
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-17 16:08:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.45455
Mell,
I needed the dictionary to interpet this poem,and it was worth it.
You have a wonderful way with words and they are very femminine!
Lacy curtains, leaves dancing...delicacy...
Your getting older and not so fiery as you once were and you will gladly relinquish
the crown. As does us all.....
What's cool is you now see/understand more.Than ever before....
and that's even better.
It seems now you have time to see the littlest of things and even they have alot
to say/show.
I'll have that cup of tea with you.
Dellena
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