This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-18 16:25:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2004 Debbie Spicer
A Beam of Life
A smile, not a sacrifice, offers us much
it expends but a only a second,
with the recollection continuing on.
Not any are so rich they can survive without
and none are so meager they are made powerful by it.
It enhances those who are accepting,
making poor those who do not give.
It generates sunlight in a dwelling,
cultivates excellence while at work.
It is the greatest remedy for numerous concerns.
It cannot be pleaded for,
borrowed or taken, for it is of no worth,
if not generously surrendered.
Some are too occupied to offer a smile,
so put forth one of yours.
No one needs a smile so desperately,
as the one who has not
a smile to give away. :)
Idea taken, in part, by an article on what a smile can mean to someone else.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-10-27 11:18:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
A Beam of Life - Awesome Title!!!
A smile… much - you can bet your life on it.
It… second - it expends only, but, a second or expends only a second (it is only, but, a suggestion [ha]
With … on. - to warm the soul for hours
Not… without - truth, but maybe some punctuation could strengthen it because you are using punctuation.
and none… by it. - same thoughts as above
It … give & It… work. - no suggestions, but for all us to smile…NOW!
It…surrendered. - Simple truth spoken
Some… away. :) - The best things in life are free.
My friend, this is a joy…to read and to know the author. The pull of the muscles on my face, as I read it, was warm and cleansing. My smile for you and your seeing the beams of light again. My heart is morphed with yours today…as butterflies, we fly free…over the troubled meadows, above the dirtied skies of mistrust and malice…but low enough to see the simple beauty of a gift…the smile. My mind’s eye saw your first smile again today…are you seeing mine back?
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-22 13:53:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.93878
Sparkle my eyes with twinkling enamel
baring teeth with naked emotion
strip away the brutish angry mammal
to reveal sweetness and devotion
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-10-19 11:36:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I really like this poem, a samile combined with the shaft of sun (sounds familar), it indicates how mush you have changed, seeing the brightness of a samile (which you give freely).
A pefectly written composition, that moves along nicely, tells a basic rule of life, for to give is to receive (grealt wording Debbie), warm alluring, and passes a meaningful message to all of us, for a smile, freely given is something that warms people. Great job my friend (many smiles to you by the way), I'm glad you posted much, the poem is so universal, and it flows, given like a smile.
My Best you know, always Big Sis, Jo.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-19 08:55:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58696
Your commentary and the article you read and based this on are so true.
As I read the poem I found myself praying for a rhyme (smile). Just one . . .
I love the way that you have this formatted, but I think the 4 and 5 lined stanzas had me desiring to hear that extra ring throughout the lines.
You have taken the time to reflect on smiles and what they do and don't mean in the lives of people. This reminds me of a poem that I wrote entitled "Bring Yourself to Smiles." I might did it out and share it (smile).
Smiles are so healing, and I love the fact that you discuss in this poem how others selfishly OPT OUT of offering an everyday smile to just brighten up someone's day. I figure a smile does not cost us anything, right? I do have my moments, and I get upset like everyone else, but most people remember my "smile." I hope that continues even after I'm gone.
In the second line (you probably already caught it) there is an extra "a" in the line, probably a mere typo.
I didn't find anything else wrong with this poem. It speaks a great truth. I like how you begin with t ellign the readers that a smile is not, should not be a sacrifice. It's just an additive given by God. We are all different. We look different, sound and act different, and even in our world of good and bad, pretty and ugly, God gave almost "everyone" the gift of being able to offer a smile. It's the least expensive offering that we have.
Thanks for sharing this one at TPL and reinforcing for me a thought that resides in the back of my mind.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-18 19:07:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15385
I like the whole concept of this poem. I've related to this poem in regards to my job. I work for a large corporation where you seldom see smiles during the day, which is something I've yet to get used to. A smiling face there is rare as is anyone acknowlging your presence. I've walked passed hundreds who just walk on without even speaking a mere hello which makes that atmosphere almost seem robotic to me.
Perhaps like your poem states, they are too occupied to offer a smile. I hate to think the worlds population, has become too self involved, too stressed or too busy to extend just a smile to someone else.
I'm hoping that a lot of people get to read this poem - and maybe some of the "stone faces" out there in the world will smile - maybe.
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