This Poem was Submitted By: Caitlin T Moreno On Date: 2004-10-25 00:27:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Marriage

The path led to you you were what I needed passion, friendship, a calm I trusted we were so beautiful, fresh and fragile and broken we were rewarded for our rebelliousness and in spite of our naiveté, we were wise and blessed it you put life in my body to create a merger twice It was all so overwhelming we successfully pushed each other away lies and withholdings punishments and excuses we always remained whole and safe nothing to destroy the bond that was created long ago our souls connected once, we listened then the connection has gone quiet it's been muted by stupidity and arrogance carelessly dropped egos flying along with harsh words that formed calluses to further the push now our words drip with mean our touches stale Tell me why I act so foolishly tell me why I think so irrationally explain to me why my nervous twitches relax when I smell you you know I only work in your space you know I'm graceful when you hold my hand so now tell me why you leave me tell me why you act so irreverently explain to me how your kiss is supposed to last I hear your voice in my head it's suspended in my ears I'm afraid to get too close it may say something I don't like I t may drive stakes through my heart I hear no profession, no declaration tell me how you look when you're in love tell me if that look is reserved for me please explain to me what would happen if I got too close I'm completely at your mercy now I have no control  I’m powerless

Copyright © October 2004 Caitlin T Moreno

Additional Notes:
previously published on blogit.com


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-10-29 11:31:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Caitlin Sad story of love gone wrong. You could have been telling the story of my recent separation ... and millions of others no doubt. Thanks for helping me cry a little more. Tears are precious, too. Regards Mark.


This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-26 12:40:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60714
Hi Caitlin, Welcome to TPL...hope you will like us and continue to post your work here. This poem is packed full of emotion...some up-lifting and some that are full of sorrow and pathos. The poet feels hopeless, lost, and confused and in the end she is reduced to begging her lover/husband what she did that is causing him to pull away when they had so much love in the beginning....'the connection has gone quiet, it's been muted by stupidity and arrogance, carelessly dropped'..these lines are especially telling... two people that allowed negative emotions to harm their love for each other...so sad.... ...'nervous twitches relax when I smell you' I like this line...shows dependance on the lover in a physical sense. A breakup of a relationship hurts just as bad physically as it does mentally and emotionally....'you know I am graceful when you hold my hand'...this line really gets me as it lays the poets feelings bare with no reservation even if it means more pain....'I'm completely at your mercy now...I have no control...I am powerless.' These lines tell the whole story...the pain, the anguish, and the complete surrender of one person to another. If you are writing about yourself just the very act of writing your feelings can be very cathartic...it is for me. I wish you well and hope to read more of your work in the future. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-26 11:24:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12698
This poem gives a good overview of a relationship in its many stages. The line: you put life in my body to create a merger twice was one that really stuck with me well. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
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