This Poem was Submitted By: Caitlin T Moreno On Date: 2004-10-25 00:27:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Marriage The path led to you
you were what I needed
passion, friendship, a calm I trusted
we were so beautiful, fresh
and fragile and broken
we were rewarded for our rebelliousness
and in spite of our naiveté, we were wise and blessed it
you put life in my body to create a merger
twice
It was all so overwhelming we successfully
pushed each other away
lies and withholdings
punishments and excuses
we always remained whole and safe
nothing to destroy the bond that was created long ago
our souls connected once, we listened then
the connection has gone quiet
it's been muted by stupidity and arrogance
carelessly dropped
egos flying along with harsh words
that formed calluses to further the push
now our words drip with mean
our touches stale
Tell me why I act so foolishly
tell me why I think so irrationally
explain to me why my nervous twitches relax when I smell you
you know I only work in your space
you know I'm graceful when you hold my hand
so now tell me why you leave me
tell me why you act so irreverently
explain to me how your kiss is supposed to last
I hear your voice in my head
it's suspended in my ears
I'm afraid to get too close
it may say something I don't like
I t may drive stakes through my heart
I hear no profession, no declaration
tell me how you look when you're in love
tell me if that look is reserved for me
please explain to me what would happen if I got too close
I'm completely at your mercy now
I have no control
I’m powerless
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Copyright © October 2004 Caitlin T Moreno
Additional Notes:
previously published on blogit.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-10-29 11:31:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Caitlin
Sad story of love gone wrong. You could have been telling the story of my recent separation ... and millions of others no doubt.
Thanks for helping me cry a little more.
Tears are precious, too.
Regards
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-26 12:40:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60714
Hi Caitlin,
Welcome to TPL...hope you will like us and continue to post your work here. This
poem is packed full of emotion...some up-lifting and some that are full of sorrow
and pathos. The poet feels hopeless, lost, and confused and in the end she is
reduced to begging her lover/husband what she did that is causing him to pull away when
they had so much love in the beginning....'the connection has gone quiet, it's been
muted by stupidity and arrogance, carelessly dropped'..these lines are especially telling...
two people that allowed negative emotions to harm their love for each other...so sad....
...'nervous twitches relax when I smell you' I like this line...shows dependance on the
lover in a physical sense. A breakup of a relationship hurts just as bad physically as
it does mentally and emotionally....'you know I am graceful when you hold my hand'...this
line really gets me as it lays the poets feelings bare with no reservation even if it
means more pain....'I'm completely at your mercy now...I have no control...I am powerless.'
These lines tell the whole story...the pain, the anguish, and the complete surrender of
one person to another. If you are writing about yourself just the very act of writing
your feelings can be very cathartic...it is for me. I wish you well and hope to read
more of your work in the future.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-26 11:24:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12698
This poem gives a good overview of a relationship in its many stages. The line:
you put life in my body to create a merger
twice
was one that really stuck with me well.
Thanks for letting me read and comment.
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