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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-10-30 00:04:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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verse 63 (Sunrise)

Behind those mountains Phoenix flies with wings of fire Out from the ashes

Additional Notes:
To Joanne Uppendahl, my submission savior...my Phoenix. :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-11-05 03:52:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62222
Erzahl--Another metaphoric gem from your unlimited well. This is great imagery via non-literal language addressing what appears to be the glorious daily resur- rection of the universial luminous orb out of the east. Your dedication to JoUp of this Japanese Verse can be truly expressed as a phoenix: A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; paragon. Thanks for sharing this with your fellow poets on TPL. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-02 15:27:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
I was sitting enjoying the visual your Haiku gave me when I read the note and I feel like I had just shared a wonderful moment with you and Joanne. You always take me to new places even your notes are poetic! Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-30 18:01:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29412
Erzahl, From the phoenix [the bird] with fire/Mt. St. Helens? Erupting after years of quietness. The eruptions is like a person/quiet, swallowing their words till one day they 'erupt and a new day begins. Thinking poem/wonderful images. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-30 12:29:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89189
Dear Erzahl: First, thank you for the dedication. It's very much appreciated. In a sense, can identify with the Phoenix, having climbed out of the ashes of a tragedy in life. Through the grace of God, not by my doing, that is. It is always a great pleasure to find one of your haiku masterpieces. This one is no exception! It always amazes me how you can fill such a short poetic form with so many layers of meaning! In this one, the mountains, which can allude to what Christ said, "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed you can say to this mountain: move! And it will move! And nothing will be impossible to you." Matt. 17:20. The phoenix legend, in my opinion, seems to prefigure the Resurrection. Ovid tells the story of the Phoenix as follows: "Most beings spring from other individuals; but there is a certain kind which reproduces itself. The Assyrians called it the Phoenix. It doesn't live on fruit or flowers, but on frankincense and various gums. When it has lived five hundred years, it builds a nest in the branches of an oak, or on the top of a palm tree. In this it collects cinnamon, and spikenard, and myrrh, and of these 'materials' builds a pile on which it deposits itself. In dying, it breathes its last breath. From the body of the parent bird, a young Phoenix issues forth, destined to live as long a life as its predecessor. When it has grown up and gained sufficiently in strength, it lifts its nest from the tree (its cradle and its parent's tomb), and carries it to the city of Heliopolis in Egypt, and deposits it in the temple of the Sun." One can draw the analogy to the Christian tradition of the Son of God, rising from the tomb, to live eternally with the Father, offering immortal life to believers. I admire the way you have characterized the Phoenix flight with "wings of fire" as it reminds me of the fire of spirit, and of "chariots of fire" as in the verses in Isaiah. Here, the reference is to the sun, hidden from our sight, as we are in darkness during a portion of each 24 hour day. And when it is dark, it seems that it will always be dark. Then, "behind those mountains" the sun begins its journey, filling our world with light once more. I think you may be showing us that though at times our life seems dark and without hope, that there is hope "behind those mountains" (of troubles) and that we may yet rise "from the ashes" of our despair. Our faith in God is what will make this possible, I believe, Erzahl. When things seem darkest, we must hold on to hope. Thank you for this wonderful haiku, and for your 'thank you' which brings a smile and gladness to my heart. God bless! Kudos! All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-30 12:25:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
ELME: Your verses NEVER appear on my list because everyone grabs them quickly and if you recall my stance about reviewing haiku: ARGH!! There are not enough words to crit. I cannot continue in this vein for I posted ny first haiku this month, combined with a lyric poem to make two salutes or toasts to my doctor. Dawn or sunrise has been versified so many times, often an Aubade or Matins, ruing the loss of night (lovers)and the beginning of the new day. This is exquisitely original, Erzahl, as I have never seen this metaphor before yours. Sunrise is the arousal of the giant Phoenix who soars aloft with wings of fire, risen from the ashes. How clever you are with imagery! Certainly the strongest aspect/facet of your poetry. And now your descriptors of the feng huang, to some, the idea of prosperity, is in keeping with what we have come to expect from you. I do not like to mention your poetics per se as that is boring to both of us but in your middle line, the sound of F (or fricative as Brenda says) strengthens the notion of fire and flight. I started marking your assonance as well on my copy and now your little verse looks like it is written in olden hieroglyphics. Perhaps on silkscreen or palimpsest or parchment. I hope the expectations we at TPL have placed on your shoulders (to post the highest quality) are not too burdensome but it does keep raising the bar or as they say today, "pushing the envelope." Kudos for yet another example of the perfection of word arrangement! I greatly enjoyed it. Best wishes always, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-10-30 09:38:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Hi Erzahl, You sure haven't lost your touch for Haiku. This one is amazing. To be able to write effective Haiku, one has to be a master of the word and image. You are a word and image master and I love the image of the sunrise as the phoenix with wings of fire. Behind those mountains----------sets the scene for the big morning ceremony Phoenix flies with wings of fire---------glorious image, love the assonance of flies/fire,with/wings Out from the ashes---------from darkness to extreme light, and again mountains/out Bravo Ezrahl, fabulous, effortless grace. Blessings, Jennifer

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