This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-11-24 07:38:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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verse 64 (Doubts)

Spiders on my mind Quietly stitch their web nets Trapping my chances

Copyright © November 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

Additional Notes:
- Thank you Joanne U.! - To Brenda. You are a blessing! Don't let "doubts" block your faith. Continue on believing!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-06 16:24:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82051
Erzahl, I'm not sure about your meaning Web nets? chances of doing something... Spider on your mind/i'll buy that. Doubt traps your chances on the web. Which=the spiders. You are competing and your doubtful..... Hope thats it. It's a little vague/or I am. Interesting..... My best to you. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-12-04 11:30:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Erzahl, What a wonderful encouragement for Brenda. You are a dear man to dedicate this to her and for thinking of her at a time when she is going through so much. Bless you for that! This is brilliant done! And what imagry! The idea of doubts being spiders that stitch their webs in our minds and trap our chance is absolutely amazing. You really hit it right on. I will forever think of spiders whenever I have doubts, just because of you. Again the poetics you employ here are great. The assonance of your "I"s with spider/mind/quietly then soft "E" with web/nets and finally soft "A" with trapping/chances is music to me ears. Thank you for being you Erzahl. You bless this Link with your presence. Best, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-24 17:21:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Erzahl: Wow! What a stunning poem. You've said so much in just twelve words, seventeen syllables that it boggles *my* mind. Spiders on my mind Quietly stitch their web nets Trapping my chances This one is ingenious for its imaginative leap and compelling imagery. What an incredible thought -- "spiders on my mind"! You've captured the slow, prickly, disquieting development of doubt in a way that I've never seen done before. In my book, you are now not only the King of Haiku of TPL, but the psychologist extraordinaire. Amazing thoughts - that our thoughts ("chances") are like flying insects -- so fleet that a sticky web of doubt is all it takes to capture them. And when that happens, we are 'caught' - truly stuck until something or someone helps us to become 'unstuck' and soar once more. I can readily see how this poem can apply to faith which is deep within, but supported (or not) by conscious thoughts. The quietness of the web-formation is so subtle, that it isn't easily discernible. Cautionary and entertaining at the same time. Erzahl, it is completely my pleasure-- since I couldn't wait to see what your creativity had produced. This one truly is remarkable. (As is its author.) Best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-11-24 10:45:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: How can we be pessimistic and dubious as long as we have poets such as you? You put a positive spin on everything you write or so it seems. I incline to the moody, depressed sort of poet but right now, that comes from the pain in my life. We have become a cynical society compared to some or to our own history. Here, so much of the prized things in life are predicated upon money and "the good life." In this haiku or verse your metaphor is a spider's web for your mind, and its inherent doubts. The sounds play beautifully...I don't do much scansion...but I must comment on the long I in spider/my/mind/quiet/my as it is s spiritual sound albeit you await the web's advent. That seems more aggressive than peaceful but I take that feeling from your of sublimity approaching actualization. Or shall I put it in the vernacular? Man, you are one cool dude! Or your ideas are. This could be a surreal dream; a phobia about spiders is quite common. We think of their weaving a web as you say "quietly stitching" and with the web, entangle another insect for lunch, lay the eggs until they are ready to spring forth. But in your poem, the spider webs trap your chances. That's a super idea and unique for me. It is figurative but a clever way to say you were entangled by (??) whatever which trapped opportunities which is synonymous with chances. This is a universal theme, Erzahl, and one we can all use to look/analyze our lives. The entire time I've been reading and analyzing your piece, I realize all the chances I lost due to whatever reason. It also builds the framework for people who rationalize. "It's all your fault!" I don't have further comments but do have sufficient poetic sense to know a good poem when encountered. I never have suggestions for change so I am of little help to you but frankly, you do not need it! Continue doing what you do so well and e-mail me, too, if you need credits. I would be honored to help. Take care and thank you for sharing this grand poem. Rating: ***** Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-11-24 09:55:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96000
Erzahl, I found this particular piece to stand out in several areas. The meter is correct and the format fits well your message. “on my mind” – I will get to the spiders later. I believe “on my mind” is the suffice to a thousand exclamations/explanations/passions/ect, and so immediately presides over the entire verse. “on my mind” there is always something, but then, now there are “spiders”. That is taking a euphemism and making it a malapropism, if you will. This is an endearing, albeit, foreboding, beginning. “Quietly stitch their web nets” – we know the webs will catch something, and that the spiders are “quietly” meaning “surreptitiously”, and those webs contain no good for the harborer of the nests. An interesting twist is your use of the term “stitch” which connotes a “knowledgeably” made web. That is the maker “knows” the web is being made and may, or may not, understand the connotations of that web. Finally we have “trapping my chances”. This is a broad enough statement to apply to many applications, of remembrance, of finding a way out, of ever hoping again, ect, many applications. What remains with me is that as the web is allowed to be constructed, and the harborer doesn’t occasionally sweep out the “cob webs” the damage is far more severe, than with one who actively wages war against the spiders. That also, by the way, is a truism dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease. A very wonderful verse. Thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-11-24 08:52:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I imagine thoughts struggling in a spiders web trying to escape with a spider closing in ready to bite and wrap up this tasty morsel and so: struggling deepens ideas in their tangles poisoned silk entraps Thanks for letting me read and comment. Always fun!
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