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I Named Him Ocean For His Father standing on a frozen lake air rising from it moving to avoid heat oozing from all hairs on our bodies. pulling things from the air uncreated words, strands of memory, industrial cookware, misplaced dedications, and the type of brightly colored fog that takes the form childish insightfulness for a moment before it dissipates. . . vanishes. I was trying to create. attempting to do something you were laughing trying to cry but the saline was frozen just behind your tear ducts (your eyes had turned icy blue as a result) there was no light not that it was dark just,there was no concept of light If there was no concept of love could we love without knowing [about] it? would love be forever painless if love was unknowable? sometimes i hear Your clever words put to another’s clever song. How does an idea belong to you? can someone own this wind that is avoiding us? I asked you your undetectable, decisive nod told me you thought so. Can it be me i wonder but you cant know that, you know me was well as I do. the lake melts its warm thick water invites me in (for just a moment) Im not so tired. Once I was afraid to drown, I remember the wave surrounding my head and in that pocket of air under the wild ocean I found you years before we meet because you were the next thing to make me want to live. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-07 00:00:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Rachel,
This is a phenomenal poem, and I'm glad that I read it. It could be about a drowning or perhaps losing a newborn baby. Either way, the sentiment and the heart comes to surface in every line.
This must have been a therapeutic poem to write.
My favorite lines come from the following:
sometimes i hear Your clever words
put to another’s clever song.
How does an idea belong to you?
can someone own this wind that is avoiding us?
Talking to others even though there's no response is healing and therapeutic. That's probably why people with pets live longer. They have someone to talk to who doesn't answer back. They just listen.
Thanks for sharing such an endearing piece with us this time. I really like this poem.
congratulations on it.
Latorial