This Poem was Submitted By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-12-30 13:48:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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In the Sea of Sri Lanka
Slick dolphin skinned divers breathe
As a child from the seashore goes
Breathless under a wave
That keeps coming
Curling over him like the abstraction
Of the infinity sign
Rolls around the hearts
Of western scientists
Focusing their satellite eyes
On the star dance of black holes,
Red mud dreams of Mars,
And the possibility of more rain
In San Diego.
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Copyright © December 2004 Jane A Day
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:47:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
What sadness Jane, and your poem brings the reality of this tragedy to life. Most importantly, you provoke our thinking about the latest events in Sri Lanka. What WAS the rest of the world was doing. What were the scientists thinking. Were they in uproar because they knew? It's sad that animals can see a storm coming, or they can feel it, but we often don't have the wherewithal to get out of the way.
I don't know how we are going to heal from all of the wounds that we are accumulating as people, but in time, it'll happen. Thanks for sharing an interesting poem with us this month.
Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-01-04 12:48:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jane:
It is such a great pleasure to find one of your poems! My joy is only
lessened by the awareness of great suffering in another part of the
world which you limn unforgettably here. You awaken our hearts as
effectively as the daily photographs of the "child from the seashore"
and bereaved parents --- plus tens of thousands of starving survivors.
The focus of the "western scientists" on "satellites", "red mud dreams"
and "black holes" and weather forecasting in the face of tsunami-stricken
South Asia gives us an immense contrast to consider. The presence of the
"infinity sign" in the piece effectively focuses our attention on the
connection of all life as one, in this reader's opinion. That we are all
connected (but disconnected) becomes ever more apparent as we see and
feel the distress of millions in the mid-east wars and upheavals of
nature. But you have said it better -- poetically -- and lead us
gently away from preoccupation with our comfort to the realization
that breath -- of the child, of the diver, of ours is a fragile
thing -- and in the act of breathing we are made one with all that
lives.
Brava!
My very best to you,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-12-30 18:02:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jane. I can't say I understand this. Somehow I think this is related to the recent disaster, but
your last line leaves me questioning. Like what has this got to do with San Diego a half world
away?
Curling over him like the abstraction
Of the infinity sign..................I like this line though
And then you threw in black holes and red mud of Mars. You got me! I guess I'm not that
abstract!
But...thanks for being here and posting. I'd love to hear what this is about.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-30 17:58:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Why does your poem bring to my mind a combination of chaos theory and the ending of its a wonderful life - " Everytime butterfly flaps its wings an angel urinates" Oh well that may just be my strange sense of science meets pop culture Thanks for making me wonder.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-30 17:49:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34783
Jane,
An early warning system could have saved lives.
It's time we think of the world as a whole, instead of individual countries each separate.
We/me Americans worry about rain in California more than whats happening so far away.
It's not in the face knowledge and pain.
So on I continue critiquing poetry as the world dies bit by bit.
And others continue doing what they do.
It's like the election............you care, you work for change and nothing ever changes.
We need a miracle here.
Very thoughful concerned poem. your doing what you can do same as I.
Much peace to you
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-12-30 15:54:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi sweetie - see
http://web.icq.com/friendship/swf/0,,16961_rs,00.swf
for more on what we are not doing in the midst of this tragedy
Slick dolphin skinned divers breathe
wonderful beginning
As a child from the [-sea] shore [for more footing?] goes
Breathless under a wave
ah, yes - how poignantly you catch that moment
That keeps coming
Curling over him like the abstraction
Of the infinity sign
this is great, great distancing ]
Rolls around the hearts [a little difficut to picture]
Of western scientists
Focusing their satellite eyes [Ah, yes]
On the star dance of black holes,
Red mud dreams of Mars,
And the possibility of more rain
In San Diego.
Exactly so - even in the grip of this horrific tragedy - we contemplate our
own small wounds
i love this one jane day
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