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This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-01-26 11:35:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Narcissism

The deadly misuse of bottled rage, poisoned. Existence belly up. The storm taunts slaughter. Downstream, a torrent grasps its hazy wheeze. Left with torrid jaws of destruction and fish on a swollen shore.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kelly Denise LaBeff On Date: 2005-02-02 22:57:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97500
The aftermath of a misdirected storm or as stated "deadly misuse of bottled rage" is indeed poison! I identify well with the text and message of this verse! A BELLY UP downstream EXISTENCE that's the outcome, alright! Your last words, swollen shore, hit the nail on the head,,,for indeed that is the end result of a taunting slaughter-what a stink created! Great rhythm and flow, use of language excellent as well. Thanks for sharing, Kelly

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-02-01 17:48:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie: I rarely see your poems on my list which means they are scooped up immediately. This is an unusual title and after reading your poem several times, it's still off-center, or atilt with the poem. However since I do not understand your poem, this may be the perfect title. It is the type lyric poem I enjoy best: thirty-three words of sparce writing, lean, cut to the bone. Words such as storm, downstream, torrent, fish, shore, let the reader know it is about a disaster in a river. (I had been thinking tsunami but it was in the ocean, not down-stream as in a stream, river, rivulet, etc.) You tell us that X bottled his rage, then poisoned the stream near him(?) Everything around dies as they went belly up. The storm (what storm?) taunts slaughter. Downstream, a torrent grasps its hazy wheeze. All that remains is torrid jaws of destruction and fish on a swollen shore. This reminds me of nihilism and surrealisn combined. I've always been able (well, almost always), been adept at deciphering the import of a poem, no matter how obscure, arcane, and so on. Altho I apologize for the poor crit, right now, it's the best I can produce, Ms. Spicey. I am still ill but I think if the dr. will ever lessen the amount of morphinr I take, I'll do better. I missed here but greatly enjoyed this offering from you and I hope to do better next time. Apologies and best wishes on this poem's succes, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-01-28 00:52:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Interesting Debbie, rage, fish belly up, torrid whipping of water, not still, but those that run deep. Those circumstances outside the norm, Marcissism, well we all know the story, but this isn't that, it's love of oneself dor sure, but in a positive way. Anger manifests itself in built up disappointments, and eventually like a fish belly up the ultimate is death for sure. Don't know what this particular rage consists of, I know deep disappointments that ultimately build up and creat a scenario of rage, however that is quite personal to the individual or a person intrusted with the meaning, to go on to live a dual existence, once which for all intent is nomal, yet a second that is so emotional it does in time create a rage. All true. Quite a poem Debbie, surprising, I bet it will confuse many readers though, for it is so deep. I think I understand, to look into a body of water that acts as a mirror to see a image, yet that image isn't the trueness of the individual, it's a mirrors image, as if in a picture, but it only captures that flash of time, it doesn't tell the whole story. I suggested you write a poem and you have, and it's wonderful to see her, we always deal with issues that affect our lives, and so do you my friend, and so do you. Good weiting is good writing though, no matter what a mirrors image says. Love....Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-01-27 22:16:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96667
Debbie, At first I looked for one thing in this verse, and found another ... and then I looked for another, and found something else, an intuitive piece. Narcissism – Self absorbed, leads one to see, to look, to be- The deadly misuse of bottled rage, - Here, the first response was “what is the proper use”, then again, one would have to identify the “type” of rage, “righteous/unrighteous”, this is an intriguing line that leads us to find the source. Well placed. poisoned. – Here again, we are unsure of the course, but sure of the harm. Even after reading your poem several times, I felt the power of this word. Existence belly up. – Immediately there is the thought of fish, but moreover, of death, not only of fish, but possibly a metaphor for the death of a persons spirit – note:(narcissism). The storm taunts slaughter. – We meet the bottled rage, the “storm” that in shrillness, disturbes the equanimity of existence. Yet, deeper, I see, another storm, a dualism of intent and disinterest. Downstream, a torrent grasps its hazy wheeze. – Although the subject is obvious, I cannot help but look deeper, and wonder at a wounded spirit, a touch of decisions and hurt. Left with torrid jaws of destruction and fish on a swollen shore. – Nuff Said. Debbie, I have a “swollen view” if you will, of this piece, I feel I have caught the spirit, and the obvious, but only skimmed the deeper meaning. This is a short, but powerful piece, and although it exists as a certain, reading of the “storm”, to me the storm remains, a man/woman interaction, and the loss of intimacy. Anyway, I do appreciate your piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-27 08:10:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
death and destruction comes in many forms poet yet the structure and word flow of this piece leaves much to be desired.........the storms of this winter, across the world, let alone in one or two places, has brought such destruction.......It is so sad to see the devastation left behind not only by nature in its wildest fury but as further thought of with your words by those who poison our water systems as well..... I was in Florida once when jelly fish lined the coast each morning as I walked in search of shells.......they were dead of course, just rolling in and waiting to be taken away.......not only the jelly fish but others as well.....it was sad to see such a sight......and all because of something in the water. Thanks for posting, be safe and stay warm, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-01-26 19:08:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
Debbie, I think I'm drawing a blank here...... Narcissim is; Excessive love or admiration of oneself. The deadly misuse of bottled rage, poisoned [existance?]. Existence belly up. The storm taunts slaughter. Downstream, a torrent grasps its hazy wheeze. Left with torrid jaws of destruction and fish on a swollen shore. I feel this may define the tsunami. But I'm unsure what narcissim has to do of it? This almost sounds like a haiku. Limited wording/left to wonder..... Unusual, fill me in. Everyones so involved with their own pleasure they did'nt notice the problem coming? Are you fine? Hopefully so..... Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-26 16:34:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72414
I had to read this several times to get the drift, however I am not quite sure if I did. I think you are referring to the Tsunami and/or throwing medicines into the water system (which they are finally figuring out is not a good idea). The storm taunts slaughter...line leaves me bewildered for I think of a suicide attempt here. Probably way off base here...but it's good to see you writing. Thanks for letting me critique even though it's a vain attempt.

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