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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Kelly Denise LaBeff	Critique Date
verse 69 (Thunder)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl - You've captured nature, it's storming aspect, quite naturally within these lines. I adore this haiku. Yes, thunder follows lightning in distance and it "DRUMS" out quite a roar..you hit that chord perfectly. I see within your verse: the sky is as a band playing-marching in the dark like a parade, with the parade being the universe, just prior to the drummer giving a grand drum roll LIGHTS [lightning]dance, part of the marching sequence, across the sky and serenade...then BOOM, the distant drummer bangggggs! Isn't it grand? You've detailed great visuals! I especially enjoyed the rhyme and cadence within lines one and two, and the summation of line three is superb! I thank you, Erzahl, for sharing this jewel. Kelly	2005-02-23 12:00:56
Becoming Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	"mallard duck twosomes pressed heart-to-heart"..Oh! That is so beautiful, I can see their necks stretched out just so and ever so slightly, but tenderly and lovingly they entwine as their chests beat against the other's! A sight...Real Beauty! Joanne, you are so magical and thoughtful of creation, creating when you write like here for instance: "rutted mud past the trees’ soft caves. Untried tracks" First off, you're intent on an adventure, seeing the beauty of nature that surrounds us all, but true to fact most of us are too busy for such a walk especially one that will require the scrubbing of mud off shoes that were the perfect footwear accessory to that cute little outfit bought at the mall last week, the one with the buttons around the waist, that one! Anyway, with all that going on, nature becomes obvilious! Then you go and masterfully use the word, "caves"...caves are dark and scary, a place only few dare to explore because they're scary and dark plus it's a place of musk, the unknown may very well dwell within and anyway you have to contend with all those spider webs, right? And so, at a distance caves are looked at or spoken of, but that's about all,,no,,,because then sharper than a knife you say "untried", which goes hand and hand with a cave in a sense,,,unexplored or untried, both the same. See, how genius you are! Let's continue our walk. Oh, I caught that! How dare a "Modest hen" "plan a venture past the pond or in it"! Shame on those hens! Playful and imaginative, this is great! s glance over stippled shoulders, I love the idea behind this phrase whereas "heads glisten bottle green",,bottle makes me think about "the neck of a bottle" and then I see one that's green like the antique or collector bottle I have in my window that catches the sun just right when it's shining bright and right through my window {it's so pretty and peaceful}, which is once again another perfect fit with your choice of wording, "a duck's green head" that's chatting in "quick quacks",,,creatively wonderful, bringing out the child in all of us - love it! Continuing in unison, we are still sliding "on the slippery muck from morning’s rain" Then you hand over: "earth’s wet fingers"! OMG, I'll never look at the ground the same again, this is brilliant, Joanne. Mother earth, her fingers - the soil that holds all things especially those of beauty like we are beholding within this verse. I now love that you bring to me a flower, a purple one! OH! How did you know? Although daffodils are my all time favorite, I do love florals with violet colors! I'm so glad among the mud and muck, we found flowers! Yes, then here come those hungry birds just like the ones making so much noise right now in the leaves below my window by the computer and its chair. They are noisy you would a huge person were stumbling about right outside the window in the back of the house, where no one should be! It scared me, but then when I saw little sparrows kicking big as them brown leaves up just a bit inasmuch to expose a little earth - that's moist and damply hides the little home of _____ {?}we all know especially the birdies, DINNER...what else, worms! It is so cute, I get lost watching those sparrows rustle leaves in their hungry search of food, little worms nipped into their tiny little beaks...all that for a worm! Sometimes, they fly away and come back, I know that mother bird must have divided with pride that little worm into little pieces for the babies in her nest, waiting in a tree somewhere nearby. Okay, enough of me, on with you. In unison once again, we slip, but you must tired of slipping because this time you quill, "wait-a-while weather once more slip[s] away"...so now you're making the weather slip! Good for you, and wwwhat wwwonderful alliteration, it's another perfect fit using sound and wwwit to identify with the intention of the word, words, wording used. Great and creative again! Out with the old and in the new, I love your ending. As far as your note, although I've not critiqued it, I have gladly read that poem and so with that I say: In this poem, your revision of "Pondering Spring", the change at the end is what does the trick for me ... "Green sprouts will germinate again this year; as life renews, I’ll chant my joyful vision of it."I liked the other one saying something of a spiritual nature like I know who I will find in it"...remember I'm mental, but anyway I concur! I like, no, I love this ending much much better! Joanne chants and spring is definitely a chanting thing, a thing to chant-over! Brava poet, Let's go mudding, you had so much fun and saw such sights and I do thank you for sharing them with me! Kelly Oh! I almost forgot, this verse also felt good to my tongue whilst I read it out loud,,,no stumble, no grumble, no fumbling either. Becoming Spring's rhythm/cadence was readably tongulicious! I'll be coming `round the .......... c u thanks again! Kelly	2005-02-17 12:22:16
Why We Sing......	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, Hi and what a great verse! In your verse, you have created a beautiful scene, one that's nearly audible as well as I can almost hear those one hundred voices, the organ and ceiling high pipes - all 500 of them! 500 - Really? WOW! Oh my goodness that must sound absolutely beautiful when actually having the priviledge of sitting in its presence! From your words of apparent praise, I can even see your choir master - he seems majestic - as being a legacy himself! I love the resounding alliteration you used within your verse and it fits - finely tuned - perfectly with the theme intention of your verse as well...a choir and its music! Yes, your words are indeed musical, too, offering visions of great detail about your church, your choir, and the life of it! I extrememly enjoyed this verse - a lot! Thanks for letting me hear, and adore the music, your music praising Harry Stephens and the {his} Visitation Church's choir who in turn praises God as your summation was so right, "God hears us when we pray, but always loves us when we sing."! Loved it, Kelly	2005-02-14 14:01:26
Yearnings Like the Lake's	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, This is the prettiest line I beheld within this verse, "Yearnings like the lake’s for her translucent, fingerling streams." That's a powerful provoking picture, if nature truly has a mind - I can only imagine the thoughts that must run through the lake's as its able, stretching in streams for miles on end...yearning to take in all that it passes or touches, sees, can see- wow! Amazingly vast, without boundaries, think of this endlessness! It's awesome, nearly too much to grasp....best of all, how very clever of you, my Joanne friend, having the insight to imagine among these same lines and then to share such wisdom and beauty with us - unselfishly giving - just like the lake! {Gee!} No, no, you have the fervor that the owls long for! I called it! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Oh yes! I love the notion of early frogs, singing below, thus giving power to the moon above making, affording it a reason to glimmer...how insightful once again, everything a season, everything a reason - that's what I feel like you are bringing to light within this verse! It never fails, you always give a portion of cheer to every verse you quip like here: "Clouds dropped white faces to lap at likenesses in water." You've written so much about clouds this month that I'll never be able to go outside again and look up without thinking about you and all your cute "cloudies" antidotes! Like right now, there's a puddle in my front yard, the next time I gaze out, I'll be looking for a cloud that's looking in the water at its own reflection with childlike wonder on its face, and oh the many faces that clouds take on! I just had a thought, Joanne, I bet it was they, the clouds, who from the puddles blew the whisper of your name into the wisps of fog that sashayed in the woods along side crows wandering through bent and bowing silver fir branches so they could make you revel in surprise as you stood in road dodging the poetry they leapt your way! Did you know the clouds went through all that trouble just for you and they even did it while they were making faces in the water right beside where you stood? They did and they did it for you! BUT, it was you who had the initiative to identify its presence as a shiver on your spine! See! You are the one who's glorious! Loved it, again! But tell me, how will you treat me next month---? chocolates perhaps? lol lol TY for sharing, Kelly	2005-02-07 12:28:25
verse 68 (Parents)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Poet Erzahl, Isn't it amazing how so little can be said in three lines? This is a Haiku, correct, or there's another 5-7-5 three line verse, too, but I can't remember the name of it..nevertheless, it takes true talent being able to express a thought of nature like this with so few words, you did it, plus you kept true to the poetic form required, which is another excellent virtue on your behalf. Yes, from Him and her we came and together we ARE,,,,uniquely expressed...Supreme theme! Brava Poet! TY for sharing, Kelly	2005-02-07 00:15:13
From My Backdoor	marilyn terwilleger	Poet Terwilleger, I love the word, zephyr, warm gentle breeze, and it fits perfectly into your verse with sun-bathed days! I agree with you, the howl of winter does sound like a rude growling, unwelcomed in my case, too, as it makes my bones, joints, and muscles aches and scream with the same intensity and velocity! Metaphorically speaking, your verse lepth forth with character comparing tulip bulbs to "cadavers within their graves blanketed from the cruel catarrh"....that's exactly how I view my little patches of flowerbeds, too. My tulips, however, tend to remain a cadaver as I find myself replanting new bulbs every year! SIGH! Flickering stars, moon light, and haze lifting on far horizons are beauty sights to behold that indeed do adorn the pathway leading to spring's return...very creative giving life to your verse and detailed with perfection adding zest to your verse-effect! Emerald green without the benefit of spring's eternal color is soothing in itself...great choice of words! The activity of your verse using collide, brook-gladdened, embossed and ripen are each words that offer seasonal enrichment to your readers. Your verse makes me anticipate seeing garden bound flights of those beguiling butterflies as I to always fear that spring will not adorn my stone and pertified wood-encircled patches of earth that blanket seeds, roots, and bulbs from last year's flower gardenbeds beyond the walkway of my backdoor, too! You have looked within my heart and put to verse a fear that I evidently share with you! Let us both look forward to warmer, floral tomorrows. TY for sharing this as I truly enjoyed its reading, Kelly	2005-02-06 04:59:42
Keeper of the Gems	Mell W. Morris	Ms. Mell, (Or should I call you.....)The maker of myths, the teller of tales, the spinner of stories, the framer of fiction, the lips of legends, and at last the princess of poetry.....I speak these things of you with the same generosity and diversity of which you used in description of your ancestor’s opal, jewel and symbol alike, a praise for the divine ... just like you! In your verse, your language is creatively divine, deeply rich and rousing, freshly stimulating to the eyes, and uniquely suspenseful for the soul. Of all the phrases within, I simply love these the most:," a slap, a sigh, a lash” {I love these three words together and what a sight to behold}, “painfully pregnant with rain” {Here you used humor and wit, another sight to behold - a big bellied cloud ready to spurt it out,,,fun}, “the milky light of living” {That‘s just plain ole soothing to the soul, comforting to hear} and lastly “my crown and its surround” {Here I like the cadence and rhyme - excellence on each accord}. Each of those phrases remind me of words sewn together in a perfect pastel stitch and when complete a beautiful garment yielding the radiance of its makers’ gleam is produced. Just the same, the flow and rhythm within your verse is a smooth and easy read; a desert absorbed as deliciously as sugar-seeping cotton candy! I have loved the word, ambiguously, since the late 80’s since the first time I used with a purpose, which was while I was working as an inspector for a government/military contracted program. Given a task to do, count ten of thousands of squibs and the like hourly, I was asked to write a discrepancy report detailing the difficulty of doing such and I chose to use the word ambiguous - which is exactly what it was - absolutely ambiguous! Anyhow, I love the way you used ambiguous in your verse while speaking of the clouds! I just love clouds, too! You personified clouds and opals alike giving each a life, a personality of their own, and that undertaking was a magnificent idea that added highlight after highlight to the drama of your tale. I admire the way you write, giving even the most trivial piece of matter detail like when you said, “slung over my left shoulder, not slung over my shoulder or just slung, but slung with direction/purpose”....it’s bit and pieces like this that add zest to the life of your verse! You always use verbs and action words like cajoling and espy for example that seem to rise above the occasion and flare out that dress more so than the girl coming of age! LOVE IT! All the stories you share with us, whether they are real or not, somehow become real for you tell them in such a fashion that regardless of nature they are believable. Additionally, your stories seem to unfold right before our eyes! It’s a rare novelty possessing such a talent and even more so special being able to convey its bloom the way you do! Your narrative voice not only livens your verse with images of reality, but it also puts me in the here and now inasmuch that all things become tangible. While engaged in reading your verse, I can see the storm, feel its wind along with the opal’s weight and hear its contentment sigh yearning to be planted. Every word you paint is a Mona Lisa reincarnate! Seriously! I admire and look forward to seeing your name on my list every time I click on “poems to critique”..smile. Thanks for sharing “Keeper of The Gems” for this one indeed is a gem! Admirer, Kelly If I stand correct as sometimes I have sometimer's [LOL], but in your last reply, you said you had recently been under the weather and are housebound, I know the feeling and hate knowing you share my fate, hopefully spring's arrival will cheer us both, you think?	2005-02-05 00:56:29
Cloudy Outbursts	Joanne M Uppendahl	For fun, I'd say! Joanne, I loved it! No one but you could ever express a cloud in two very different...very unique ways and actually get the reader to imagine the visual effect they wanted to create: BUT YOU DID! I see it now.....donut shaped clouds dripping sugary drops of its vapor on the tops of leaves! (WOW) Then you write: rain-bees swarm then sting with drizzle! (GREAT) Lastly you top it off with: thief clouds, slicked-back as all theiving clouds should be, menace winter walking beach goers! (Pizzaz!) Three in a row, all great in texture with each beholding quite a tonic sight! Lovely as always, the best! Kelly	2005-02-04 13:36:48
Seasons and Flight	Mark D. Kilburn	The transition of your words from season to season was smooth, easy, and made me anticipate what you had to say next! I love in the end where you describe winter's icy fingers choking the land....for that's just what happens, you knew exactly how to express it! The internal rhthym of each line and then as a whole as well were both impeccable in quality: easy, smooth-never stressed or straining- a good tongue exercise that allows the eyes to read from left to right with simplicity...this is NOT an implication that your verse was simple, however! Quite the contrary, your language was rich and rousy, creative and very descriptive making all things you wrote about come alive on paper with detail! I especially loved these lines: they seem to form a flying heart; I guess to warn of winters start. {awesome illustration of what actually appears} and this one, too: seasons have their own heartbeat.{This makes perfect sense as each season does have a life of its own} The humor and wit in these lines are remarkable and made me smile: the Stellar Jay, a blabber mouth with a lot to say, he steals and lies and nags till fall Right now, my mom's back yard is full of birds, a variety of them, too. There's one bird, a Robin, who has such a character. Mom calls the bird a "he" because of its actions! The Robin chases other birds away on the ground..running after them on foot, going around in circles until he's scared all the others up to flight - when he realizes that he is alone he seems to strutt (Imagine that! A Strutting Robin!), it's such a sight to behold! Mom says he is bossy! He sounds a lot like your Stellar Jay! To say I enjoyed your verse would be an understatement! I loved it! Thanks for sharing it, Kelly	2005-02-04 13:27:19
On the Grief of Parents	Joanne M Uppendahl	Oh, Joanne, "that final tucking in", you amaze me, not that you're not talented or educated enough, to come up with great ideas ~ mind you,,,,because you are, actually you far exceed that, but you amaze me inasmuch that verse after verse you write yet another verse with exceptional, fresh, unique, unexpected ideas on which to craft a poem! More so amazing is that "ONE LINE OR PHRASE" you always coin, which always obtains that needed special effect and in this case it's the line, "that final tucking in"...just gives me goose bumps reading it! Say, didn't your last verse do that to me, too? I think it, The Pink Dish, did! In these lines: "No instant’s seamed enough; all moments held burst like water balloons-- sodden colors shrunken to the size of small skulls" The pain felt is obvious and raw. It shows just how very close to self-combustion we become when grief as raw and real as this rips like saws into the flesh of our agony beating within our hearts and playing then rewinding and playing again constantly- over and over in our minds. You used perfect phrases for your description of emotion and image needed within that verse, throughout your entire verse as well. It's strange how nothing can distract our attention when it's focused solely [on grief] on the longing for the presence of another's life who is no longer with us less our love for them within our heart, their coming to us within our dreams regardless of our orbit cycle and in our minds where their memory dwells forever...it is as you said: neverending! And then it's just the same when things remind us of them...it's a process of thought that can not be interrupted, at all! Yes, when people die especially our precious little ones so much is missed out on like birthdays, Christmas' milk and cookies for Santa, fairy visits dropping coins beneath pillows in exchange for a tiny tooth bravely pulled just before bedtime, and then there's missing T-ball games or any sporting event where our children even if they only play for 3 out of 90 minutes become instant super stars within our eyes with every time being just as grand as the time before regardless of the sun or moon. More strongly, it could also be said, "despite that fact that other things are happening, too, all around us" for instance you're a dedicated marine biologist studying a particular whale of the female{this is the only one in existence as its mate had recently expired} -on the verge of becoming extinct, it is infamous on TV as being an endangered spieces ..let's say this one of a kind whale unexpectedly gives birth to twins .... well, if you're grieving for a child you've just lost then this miracle of nature means nothing and pales in comparison to the thought that prevails, the loved one who went on to be with the Lord before you! That's how drastic and tragic when one's child dies. Forgive for me rambling, but this piece provoked it. I pray none of us are dealing with grief as terrible written within your verse. Thank you for sharing, Kelly PS If mistakes on my behalf arise and sense can't be made from what I've said forgive me for it's the 6th day now that I've gone without sleep,,just a two hour catnap each day from 1 to 3! Bravo again to you, excellent verse, handling delicately the grief of dispair!	2005-02-03 11:22:31
When We Die	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul with about 2 dozen words you said so much. A conversation, thank God - literally - that was between you and God, the one who would lead you to that final place of eternal dwelling. I loved the humor and wit within your conversation especially at the very end where the other identity was revealed....Oh God!... and He goes< "Yes!"...once more, thank God, huh? Life is too short and when it's time to go, well, it's just that, a necessity-now is the time to go..and go..where? Exactly as you said, "Elsewhere,,,and that elsewhere is not up for discussion, not at this point in the game for the choice is no longer yours,,now it's HIS,,that choice was yours, but you made it already --- while you existed in the 'living' part of life! See how well you wrote your verse. It took me all this while to say what you said with about 2 dozen words,,,2 dozen words poetically precise that were utilized with extreme talent, too,,,,,well done, poet paul, well done. TY Kelly	2005-02-03 10:15:11
Aleutian Getaway	Mell W. Morris	Your line, having the "Ability to just sit and chew the fat" reminds me of a wooden plaque I have above my living room door that reads, "Sit Long, Talk Much" and it is meant, too! I guess the same is applicable if one chooses to become or already are an Eskimo! That's kinda neat! Yes,long summers, hot ones, would make one have the desires to go to Alaska, wouldn't it? I can just see you arriving in a new orange faux-fur-lined parka. But I can see even more so the surprise on your face when greeted and told you can choose a bed partner for the night because it's an Eskimo's ultimate gift to sate their guest's appetite and keep him warm all night. One would want to turn such a favor down except knowing the pleasure in return it would offer that woman affording said guest such a gift for they'll be forgiven from all work and housewife chores for the next month. With that pressed against your ear, you have to, it's your obligation to then you say. "I've got some thinking to do." otherwise would be rude! BUT, what I want to know, did you just make this up or is it a real Eskimo custom? I don't know which I'd do! I'd glad you didn't reveal your choice either because it made the suspense of your verse better than it already was. I loved this verse for this story tale telling effect! Fiction or not, you make it make real! Great imagery, good strength of language, and a rhythm that flows with great precision,,,,who could ask for more,,other than an Eskimo woman wanting a FREE month! HA.....thanks for sharing your wit and humor with me this day, Kelly	2005-02-03 02:00:22
I Remember You Dr. King	Latorial D. Faison	Indeed, Dr. Martin Luther King did leave behind a legacy of a beautiful dream - one that has came true, Thank God! You gave him all the perfect titles: Martin King, Brother Martin, Reverend King, Leader of Freedom's fight, Dynamic Drum Major, Martin Luther King, Jr., the man with a Dream: Dr. Martin Luther King! I am so proud, so glad that he continued that which Abraham Lincoln started, made happen and dreamed of himself-freeing the slaves brought here from Africa that were bought from their own nation's [Africa] slaveowners! I am so glad nonviolence and freedom came to those who were oppressed from the very beginning of time for each of their lives. It's sad, in a land across the sea where their seed was given birth they never free ...until God had a dream for them and brought them here where men like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. also had a dream ..empowered by God! Thank God they came to America where DREAMS come true! Your verse is written with excellence and is of great poetic nature, rhythm, language...all aspects are lively with splendor! Thanks for sharing in remembrance and honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this holiday month and always! Kelly	2005-02-02 23:31:16
Nature's Angel	Mark D. Kilburn	Impeccable Hummingbird-Oh my goodness, Mark, how absolutely beautiful, breathtaking, I was shocked! I knew you were leading up to something remarkable, but with great talent you detailed with artsy review each line, adding suspense! Then your end - I had no idea what the last line would reveal and when I saw Impeccable Hummingbird my head nodded in approval and everything fit together perfectly. I especially loved the descriptive lines used to illustrate its image when you said: Titles of Magnificent, Lucifer and Ruby Throated [[[[That's Beautiful!!!!]]]] Your language throughout is resounding, creative, rousing and rich, wonderfully descriptive and crafted! Your rhythm is impeccable and in perfect cue you used alliteration of perfect sonic sense that reflected that effect of the word used in text and sound alike,,,,amazing! A perfect read and an enjoyment to behold as I watched your words unfold an Impeccable Hummingbird! Thanks, Mark, I loved it! Kelly	2005-02-02 23:09:46
Narcissism	Debbie Spicer	The aftermath of a misdirected storm or as stated "deadly misuse of bottled rage" is indeed poison! I identify well with the text and message of this verse! A BELLY UP downstream EXISTENCE that's the outcome, alright! Your last words, swollen shore, hit the nail on the head,,,for indeed that is the end result of a taunting slaughter-what a stink created! Great rhythm and flow, use of language excellent as well. Thanks for sharing, Kelly	2005-02-02 22:57:57
These Americans	Latorial D. Faison	Because I’m tied to the blood lines of Africans I’m fighting hard to survive these Americans You don't fight alone, I am American with you and as you my blood line is Italian, but I am NOT Italian I am AMERICAN we all lost the vote this last election, let merit not tissue be the issue on which we stand,,, I can tell from the inspiration and heart of your words.. that your merit is high and grand embrace me love me survive me why survive me Can I help who I am inside [these are your words not mine] remember and honor, but live not in the past ... that's the bondage that restricts if we are to be “born again” and equal in the mainstream, let it be by merit and merit alone.... not because of WHO you are inside but WHAT you are [made of]inside ...... let that be the margin seperating one American from the other this is an excellent verse! I thank you for its message I love you Latorial love me back, Kelly	2005-02-02 22:47:51
A Web Within	Lennard J. McIntosh	Nonetheless, he longs for levels of wisdom....this line, my fellow poet, stirred my heart with its tender admission. Then by due process, a pen wandering, withholding-being withheld in some form, makes all is written shrouded, and obscure! What a sad summize! In agreement, poetry is emotion written in raw script! The beauty of these lines is indescribable: a curious muse guides sentiments of love, in the audible, aching, moan, which gyrates into fear far surpassing spines mired in spasm The fortitude of your language is itself audible with aching feeling! I see, feel the pain gyrating into a fear that must burst forward somehow with boldness to survive the drying of a mind before it's lost! Lost without nothing more left to say! This is seeping with powerful imagery and is strong in its use of thought-provoking language, well done, poet, an bow and ovation is yours! Thank you for posting this generous piece here for me to intake of its measure! Kelly	2005-02-02 20:47:44
Right in the Rosetta Stones	James Edward Schanne	The process of osmosis for language, yes, I see this,,,,clever and witty idea, James! Coming up, forming from, becoming a second tongue speaking in different tones....your words make this as visual as that of a science project's "data" in work being viewed thorugh a clear drinking straw. common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight coupling communication's distance Oh, but these lines spark the imagination the most, enchanting to witness, great use of language that easy on the tongue! Your couplet summation tells it all, the evolving of now complete, indeed, such is hot! Another great sonnet, my your mind must BURN itself with these beauties. Thanks for enriching my spririt with another golden one! Kelly	2005-02-02 20:36:02
A Bowl of Cherries	marilyn terwilleger	Oh, Oh, my sides! You struck my funny bone! I wish you could see me now...as I sit here reading, I had to stop [reading] because I wanted to note how much I giggled over this line, "I ran like the wind [that's pretty fast]and climbed a rock wall to escape going to prison!"..."to PRISON" I remember that feeling, too! Amazing how everything in the 7th grade seemed like such a big deal, everything was a serious offense...okay, now I go back and finish reading..thanks for that out loud chuckle, and for taking the time and making the effort of pointing it out just like you did, it was great, awesome, and all that and I needed it! You did it again, I'm laughing in my seat at: "Gordon gave me my first kiss and I gave him a black eye [what a friendly exchange] with a quick right/[Gordon doesn't learn because....]years later he tried it again then he jumped back{I can just see Gordon afraid of you, a fist with pretty pink fingernails, I bet, but Gordon did learn, didn't he! Yes, those lips must have been irresistable and as for that blackened eye, another one from a girl nonetheless, I guess a little peck of a kiss was worth it - evidently}!" My favorite part is found in your summation: Life was good, like a big bowl of cherries! AUGH YES, they were indeed, weren't they? BUT, like you said, "Then I grew up" and suddenly life was pits and stems, a bowl needing washed, and teeth needing flossed, right? Got ya! Same here! This poem is pack-full, rimming, to the brim with wit, loads of it, cleverly and cunningly so! Humor is your zest! Or is it your ability to tell a tale? Ummm? I do believe both are of equal zest! Yes, I agree with myself, both is best! You go, poet terwilleger! More..let's see! Other displays of strength were also noted in the fields of active and still-life imagery and within the great details you spun as well, none too small, you laid 'em all out street by street and foot by foot. Also it was of interest to me you pointing out that to us "back then" [with a lot of stress being put on BACK THEN]a 35 year old cop was like what?---ancient, wasn't he? I remember thinking how very very old people were when they were 35 years or older,,and BACK THEN if someone was like 60 67 like my mamaw was, I would think something really stupid like "I'll never be that OLD - I'll never live to be that OLD!" I can't believe I used to think like that! Now, I am more prone to believe that living like only begins at around the age of of of like 40 or something really close! I do wonder, however, if that has anything to do with me being 39....okay, forty in July{I whisper-typed that!}? Any relationship, you think? I dunno, I just really loved this verse, marilyn, it was fun to read, it's a keeper worthy of sharing and rereading again and again when I need to laugh how about how I used think,,,just like you apparently,,,,way back then! Life is a bowl of cherries,,,39, no 40 of them! Thanks for sharing, Kelly	2005-02-02 10:35:10
Poetry's End	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, This is a splendid verse. In search of all others/one heart's hope...is found, it's found in the finding of...OH! Beautiful! The meaning, its depth, behind/beyond the words speak volumes...of yes,,,acceptance and immortality! Picture perfect: Poetry's End! If only to be gotten, then all else falls into place! Isn't it amazing how saying so little, says so much! You did here! Amazingly so! Kuddoooosss to this poet! Thanks for sharing, Kelly	2005-02-01 03:18:33
My Hero	Kenneth R. Patton	Poet Patton, I know exactly what you mean when you talk about sibling rivalry! Been there, done that! Hated it! I never thought about writing a verse about it though, so, kuddooosss to you! BUT, But here's what amazes me: subterranean fears, really? You think? Honestly, they had their hang-ups, too? Do you really mean it? Dang it, I wasn't privy to this knowledge! AND oh how I wish I had have known! It would have definitely made my life easier! It was my sister! Just like with your brother- we were of the same gender - she was two years youngers than me! Beautiful, tall, long straight hair, legs up the yahoo ,,, you name it! The boys all got silly around her, but me, well, they wanted me to do...augh... like....their homework! Yeah! I was like a bookworm, super smart, short, curly gross curly hair with freckles! My dad made our sibling rivalry worse though because at our house you had to be a certain age before you could wear make-up, shave your legs, things like that....well, guess who got to start everything when I did even though she was two years younger? Yep! She did! See she really did get it all! Your verse is written so well, you said so much using little effort,,that's an exhibit of great talent! The imagery you created was very effective and the feelings you felt were evoked within me, your reader! So, that's another poetic plus! The icing on the cake, however, is your ending whereas with great style, ease and clever cunning wit you used the ole switch-a-twist-a-roo and proved a point, which is defined as is a fine art within the guidelines of poetic craftiness! I thoroughly enjoyed this reading and it's on my list to things to check later......ya know,,,great one, loved it, thanks for sharing! KELLY	2005-01-31 06:33:26
Boomers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Perhaps, in the end, we become them........AAAUUGGH PAUL! Don't say that! I wouldn't make a very good version of one of today's babies! I'm with you, what has happened, better yet, WHAT have we allowed to happen to our world? Being only [nearly] 40, I don't quite fit the bill for an original post war baby boomer, but born in 65 I'm definitely a decent clean cut kid or at least what one might call a "re-run" version, you think? This verse packs a lot, says a lot, but its meaning goes far beyond what its 'packing says'!..So much true, none of it camoflauged, or with a hidden agenda either! Your verse brought to mind a lot of good times and great memories, too, but the thing I think you stirred within me most was when you wrote, "Camelot was envisioned"..I remember when as children we use to entertain ourselves by playing hide and seek, chase, kick the can, or otherwise we'd be off in the neighbor's field imagining we were King Arthur's knights of the round table, or that we were a super hero like Batman or Superman. Basically, about the worse one could do was pretend to be "Bonnie and Clyde" back then and that's only because they were villians, not because we as kids were actually doing something wrong. Now, however, if you hear, "Johnny's Gotta GUN, Johnny's Gotta GUN," you better darn well believe it and take off running! I hate what our world's become, drug dogs in middle school and all! YES, "Takin it to the streets" refers to an art exhibit, but in my house my youngest two teenagers won't allow me to say "Oh! That's so tight!"....Trying to fit in with my kids, I might say that phrase, but when I say it I'm saying, 'I like this, I think this is cool[cool-don't ask, but that's another no-no word, too??]', but evidentally it has another meaning as well / one that mom is not hip to either,,,don't want to know as a matter of fact either! You're right, Paul, "time derailed us" and someone "quietly sugar coated our reality" you ended this verse with a truth beyond words of real recognization! This verse contained a unique subject, you used a creative flare within both fields of your language and visual arts, and you evoked emotion and thoughts from your reader! So, poet Paul, you did an excellent job, and were doubly well well crafted, Keep it up and thanks a million times over for letting me read your poetry! Kelly	2005-01-31 06:10:37
Where's a frog when you need one!	Lynda G Smith	Poet Smith, Who needs a frog when they've got as much wit as you? This is a very well written, crafted verse that uses so many poetic forces I don't where to begin with my thoughts or praise for it! Humorous, you would definitely have to give humor a mark of credit if this were ever written in a book! You used, "the weight of angels"...now how original, unique, great use of language, perfect description...well well said! In these lines, "Strung upon strings grace the grounds, the eyes of mind, to bleach beneath their bath" I love its ebb and flow, the alliteration used within not only for its effect of sound, but also used to personify the very essence of a princess' unforsakeable identity... Within these lines "I ache to ache with sensory pain, to evidence my living and my possibilities." I love the fact that you drew your readers inside of you, ache to ache, making them feel and experience with you, instead of just knowing, reading, or listening to you....you pulled your readers, using this technique of writing...well if no one else, you pulled me in, anyway, I absolutely love your ending, but find myself pondering furthermore, "hypothesis/faith": what is sought here: Where can my prince be, are there any left, or am I even a princess at all? I really loved reading this, it was fun to read,,,,for a change, it was witty, clever, full of humor, great language, smmmmooothh rhythm, continuous thought that didn't stray,,,unique subject material. Overall: GREAT! Thanks much-much-much for sharing, Kelly	2005-01-31 05:35:00
Where To Now America?	Latorial D. Faison	Poet Latorial, And still, we, at least "I" find myself asking many of these same questions! I'm glad the decision[s] weren't mine to make! I may have helped put the people in office that are responsible for such questions/answers, but at least I didn't have to personally decide. It's confusing, one day I lean one way and the next I lean another! So, many of the above questions are also cause and effect situations, too, like here: "tear up lands, tear down walls ---strive to build them back up again", which is what is happening in Iraq right now! I especially like the manner of which you wrote these lines as it serves as an issue of stop and reflect: "Are we chess players with partisan orders Claiming countries, moving men across borders?" In your last stanza your line "to right or to wrong"...makes me think almost or have we done what was done "to right a wrong?" It takes a lot of courage to post a verse about a subject as cruel and sensitive as terrorism and war...you never knew what response one might offer. I'm glad you found your voice amid the horror and you did so in an effort of an understanding, you educate me nature, which was a wise choice. Great read worthy of time spent reading and spent afterward reflecting! Thanks for doing so! Kelly	2005-01-31 04:34:21
Tree and Leaf	Jane A Day	Poet Jane A Day, Greetings! First off, let me say, so I won't forget to comment on it afterwards, before I even finish your verse that this line, "tumble, stutter and swirl"... offers an active alliteration and quite an image of vision as well, loved it! Okay, now, let me go back up and read the rest......I just had to do that because so often after I hit "submit" I go, "OH! I didn't go back and comment on this or that...this time, I wanted to make sure I got in everything I wanted to say!" You made this part of your 3rd stanza's 3rd line, "make boats in the gutter" fun and alive by giving the leaf a lasting personality of life: a leaf growing weak on its limb, better said on its last limb was carried by the spirit of nature, a soft blowing wind, to its resting place of death - not yet a final resting place, but rather on earth ---- "the street's gutter" where normally would be other things of clutter and like debris {{this leaf}},,,after falling from its mother, the tree]! Just as importantly, you point out [or] at least I chose to take it from your 1st stanza's last two lines: "the yellow .....a crumpled and still fragment of earth," the leaf was old and golden - golden with age like golden oldie, nevertheless gold is a perfect hue for this creation made anew: the poet's BOAT! This is the most lovely line, such a sweet and beautiful sentiment! I love it and its imagery, I can see it, floating....I'll never look at another leaf floating in ditches or gutters, in water without remembering your verse! WOW! Lastly, your verse's summation: it poses a good question! I think your first response, but vice-versa as "between the tree and me" suits this verse best, agree? Otherwise as for posing questions in your first through third stanzas...that aspect really gives one a lot to think about, which should be the intent of every great poet. I especially like pondering this one, "branches hum out a lullaby?" You did a FABO job creating spoken and unspoken visuals to stimulate the picture for and the imagination of your readers! Overall a great great read. Thanks for sharing, Kelly	2005-01-30 03:04:22
A Right To Rut	James Edward Schanne	James, James, James, you are the sonneteer of all sonneteers! There's no compliment I can offer beyond that of my usual praise for once again you toppled the charts "Golden Globally"! Also, there's no editing, no critical review in need of being written for there are no mistakes, no bad boys at large. From now on, I think you should post strictly for educational purposes..for me at least, in this instance, and challenge me, my mind that is so little compared to yours, inasmuch that I might glean morsels, babysteps, tiny, small ones at first, but after say what [?] a 30-year apprenticeship {Yeah, 30-years sounds good. I'll be ready by then..maybe} Anyway, at this point, gusto time, I'll be going for the whole enchilada with all the extras that I can get from the inking well of the master pen, yours! Yep! I know I'm probably like so off kilter....again, but I tried! That's becoming a ritual of mine, but I want you to know that I am putting stock and barrel, lots of time and effort into each of your sonnets because I love them,,,everything about them, their flow, their rhyme, and especically your ability to use vast and enriched language, absolutely - I do! I want to be just like you when I grow up....I wanna write like this..whine! So, since I stressed out so badly over "A Laissez Faire Life" and a little over “Sermonizing Sunday”, too, I decided, to have fun while I read this one and to spend less time on it {Trying to read it exactly like you'd want it read}, but that didn't work because I couldn't stop myself, I've been reading, re-reading, and then reading {!!!!!} again and typing, deleting, thinking, reading more for like __ [blank] hours now...No, I'm not going to tell you how many! You'd be in shock and I can't do that to my favorite sonneteer, now can I? So, I garnered: (Remember I said, "Kelly, relax, have fun....maybe you'll do a better job for James, let's see if I did.) Nightmare reality check: Beware, Ye non-“mini-me” replicas! For judgmental, antisocial, hypocritical, stereotyping nitpickers with liberate intentions to cause harm will comb through your life and displace the truth of who you are for one of their own choosing. Intimidated and allured as well, a “mini-me” of them Ill be! Okay, Poof! You are...you're rich and beautiful, Hollywood famous - a social elite! Oh! The grandeur! What a life, royally speaking! Then told without a single restricrion or constriction either, anything was mine, all that the desires of heart was accessible! "Anything? I'm thinking a million dollars and new car." told, "Yes, even those people-ya know, the ones back there,,,them...beneath you...we can buy them or have them moved, whatever, anything...". Feeling the certainity of all the glitters is not gold, I murmured, "Thhhossseee people, I don't feel so well. What's happening? Yikes, my pumpkin’s back. Oops! There I, I mean, the other “pretty me” goes, too!" Sigh! I guess I just wasn't cut out to be that like. SO! Once again, here I am, back to the bare necessity of little ole’ me, hum-drum doldrums included. But then I say , “Hey to myself, look pass those STARRY illusions (disillusioned people-better said) and dream beyond, outside this reality, make your own happiness and bring it here--! Down to earth, there are many ways to add excitement to life without being....you know....that four letter word {ssssh, rich}. Getting something else new like a different perspective, an clean-slate attitude, I think I'll do just that, I'll be down to earth -I want to be me because when all the glitz-n-glory fades away what happens then, who's left-a shell of a person -pretending? I don’t think so! After all, I don't want to become one of those cynical people who look down people like me, on me. >>>>>>>>>>>>So, how'd I do, while I had fun interpreting your sonnet, -------Do I have a right to rut, did I get any of it, anything? I don't get hurt by constructive comments so shoot it to me straight...I just wish I could hide this review so only you and I could see it,,and no one would think me (what word's good here...okay, I'll use it-)DUMB! Dum,ditty,dum,dum,dum, I do enjoy reading your sonnets, just educate me on its structural context so I can get from it what you intend then we'll all be happy. Thanks for listending to my babble! Loved it once again, James, See you again real soon. ML, Kelly {Another thing, it is like 5 in the morning here, and I've yet to go to bed, so, please, ignore my many, I'm sure, grammar/spelling mistakes, deal? Great, have a nice Sunday, James! Bye now....}	2005-01-23 05:58:52
Sermonizing Sunday	James Edward Schanne	James, I'm going to make this one short as when I did A Laissez Faire Life I spent a lot of time on it, and somehow I knew it was the stock market because in the first of my critique I said so, but later I got on a roll and laid it out there as more of a physical action than transactions...so I feel bad about overextending because I didn't want to disappoint you. Anyway, I like this sonnet, too, which once again it's perfect in all sonnet-wise aspects. It's funny...you bringing attention to the inattentiveness of these church goers. I'm astonished, where do you get all your ideas? Did you major in language, was your first book a dictionary and then your second a thesaurus? It had to be because your knowledge of language is an abyss, one of the deepest in the world. You make me grab those two books, covered in dust, every time! I hate admitting that, too! I like it, however, that you challenge my mind to learn and the testing of my comprehension skills is a wonderful exercise....who knows you may just help me balance my checkbook better,,,giggle,,,it seems like every month I purposefully just skip a check sometimes two when I'm deducting money spent from my already pathetic, pathetically low, balance! Thank goodness, I've yet to skip an amount larger than 64 dollars because I might get into some serious trouble if I started skipping rent, insurance, and vehicle payment lines! Orange isn't my best color either! I know this, my rambling off the subject at hand, does not mean a single thing to your sonnet, but I'm trying to tell you that I appreciate you, your poetry for many reasons beyond their insight and the delight I find while reading a Schanne Sonnet. Your writing has enhanced me, this person as a whole, me! You should write a book of these, really! I loved this poem because the imagery managed to spread my lips upwards into the natural curve of a smile...as I could just see this preacher and his congretation. You really have a way with words and I will always stand in awe of your poetic virtue! Thanks again for sharing, ML... read ya again real soon, Kelly	2005-01-22 05:28:48
A Laissez Faire Life	James Edward Schanne	Greetings Mr. Schanne, the Sonneteer of A Laissez Faire Life, who never fails to amaze me more and more with each verse you pen. The virtues of your sonnet, which are also a sonnet-perfect form requirement, are well noted in the perfection of your beat, meter, rhythm, and rhyme and that goes without mentioning your awesome use of alliteration in the phrased pursued/persuade and speculations/searching as each offers a resounding quality to lines 1 and 9. The only thing I can contribute is my belief [with a lot of emphasis put on BELIEF, too] that “nicknacks” should be spelled knickknacks as the k’s are silent when pronounced. Now, I’d be correct here less beyond my confines of totally being in the “dark”, you intended its spelling to be as is for the sake of effect and if so, do tell, okay? With that said, I must admit as a critic I’m unworthy to properly review this piece as its language, one of financial lingua franca, exceeds that of both my daily and learned dialect, but I will tell you what I gleaned from it if you promise not to laugh if I’m way off kilter and if I am, please, enlighten me...if you have the time as it is my intention to walk away from this verse as a learned critic or at least I hope to know more than I did beforehand. Do we have an agreement? Yes, right? Okay, I think I see you accepting these terms, but [hey] what’s that big cheese all about? You think, no, you just know I’m going to mess it up somehow. Well, let’s see; bear with me, J.E., because here we go: For starters, {The hunt begins...} I offer to you my interpretation of your first quad. Acquisitions are pursued and persuade a gathering of artifacts congeal in characteristics they serenade collectibles of minutes passing deal Purchases, goods, or ownership thereof is researched, sought out, searched for, hunted and tracked down and even bargained over or for if deemed necessary. Mission accomplished, the relics collected or better said selected for value set the tone [metaphorically speaking] as each features uniqueness in quality, thus they sing to the act itself. All of it, the time and energy spent along with the transaction or act of business itself, trade if you insist. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next, {No holds barred...} I offer to you my interpretation of your second quad. all the little knickknacks of desire spent in occupation of wants that thought bartering with emotions inspire what couldn't be made but by spirit taught All the ornaments you want to acquire is a tiresome task, but for you the act of acquisitions alone is like a drug as it’s the only thing that brings about the true satisfaction you seek. Sometimes to fulfill your wishes, you have to haggling the dealer or seller in hopes to stir or arouse them with negotiating skills so a deal can be made to sell that one item that’s seemingly been otherwise unobtainable. This line, (what couldn't be made but by spirit taught), has me tripped as imo there‘s two possible outcomes. I don‘t know which one is right and who knows maybe neither is, here‘s one, my first, theory: #1-Negotiating continues, every trick in the book is utilized with skilled determination until the seller’s resolve is broken because deep within your soul you are the ‘king of persuasion’! No one can say NO to you, thus you always get what you want. If that’s not right, it could turn out like this theory: #2- Same case scenario as #1 up to the point of breaking the dealer‘s resolve- This time even your best efforts failed, so, you walk away with empty arms, but not as a failure for despite your empty arms, the strength of your mind along with your will and your soul is full, basking in confidence with the knowledge of a better how-to for the next go round. (Let me know which hits the target, I think the first is most likely) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then, {Decision time...} I offer to you my interpretation of your Third quad. speculations searching out investment in times commodity market rising with age an ever higher assessment bids up compressed minutes for resizing Rumors or office gossip spreads word about a possible change and you make it your job to look for a deal when goods increase in value to do what’s best for all concerned, sell when its high or hold on hoping for more growth with maturity being your focal point. Here’s another line, (bids up compressed minutes for resizing), that has me stuck as in my opinion two outcomes are possible once again. Nevertheless, here’s my 1st theory: You should sell some less wanted items and restock, thus resizing would mean get rid of some things now and restock later [or] here’s my 2nd theory: Although it would hectic, your bounty or chattels is pressed tighter in storage so you can acquire more, yet another costly item or antique whereas in this case resizing would mean taking on more and finding a place to store it somewhere, somehow. Again, please, let me know, but I think it’s the second suggestion. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lastly, {The summation...} I offer to you my interpretation of your ending couplet. payments are a constant in the doing while choices show up in the accruing The only thing not changing is the money being spent as evidently such expense is both routine and often, a constant as said. As for the items, a collection of either a mass of one adored treasure or a variety of preferences still plentiful in quantity, but just a few, here and there, of each. At last as a whole the stock, ever increasing comparative speaking, is revealed because in the process of this inventory-like assessment, new acquisitions ceased, but only momentarily, I’m sure, however, the end result divulges a massive hoard of chattels. Well done as always, James, I took a lot of time on this one, determined to rise to your depth of language and poetic knowledge .. still didn't get there, not even close, but it was fun....If I'm totally off base with this one I going to Rachel's verse and getting her dishtowel to cover my face, her poem won't miss it! I'll really need it though....let me, okay?	2005-01-22 04:51:04
A Letter from Mother	Claire H. Currier	Claire, This verse is absolutely beautiful, it's sad don't get me wrong, but at the same time it is comforting and beautiful. Just imagining it gives me the shivers! You made me look to envision our loved ones in heaven looking down sharing every aspect of our life with us! Oh, there's chillibumps all over even on the tip of my nose...or was that a tear? You were able to stir emotions within this reader and make me think about the beauty of death instead of just missing them because they're not HERE with us! I do have a best friend, Diane, in heaven who I know is always watching me and I can even feel her spirit, too,,,daily,,,and then there's my poor mamaw-I feel so bad for her [[tssk, tssk] having had to see me make so many many mistakes since she passed away in '87 just a few months before my first child was born. Thank you so much for writing this piece, there wasn't anything simple about it, but it was written so simply, do you understand? It all just flowed together in perfect unison, each word making sense, adding importance, and giving life to your words and life back ,,,, back to those who have preceded us. I got the most chillbumps when I read if you hear "...Angels Sing", then you're also hearing "Your mother singing too..." OOOhhhhh! I'm so sad that this was your first Christmas without your mom, but after reading this I think you've got it altogether and this verse can and will help others do and feel the same way. Claire, you did a wonderful, great job. I apprectiate this piece more than I can express actually...if I may, I think I'll close with “Me Too” I love you, Kelly	2005-01-21 04:28:28
After The Wind Speaks	Lennard J. McIntosh	Hi Mr. Lennard, Okay, let's tackle this verse. [smile] For my opening line I guess I'll say that your use of descriptive language gives exuberance to each stanza’s suggested imagery or portrayed innate form of being throughout your verse. You were able to provoke this reader’s senses whether it be that of sight or sound and often evoking fear and awe with the vividness of your details from beginning to end. Your choice of alliteration using ‘’r’s’’, ‘’g’s’’, ‘’s’s’’, ‘’h’s’’, and ‘’t’s’’ gives an animated voice that actually speaks for the wind as your title suggests that was actually in sync with the imagery aiding each stanza...great exercise of talent! Secondly, you definitely know the soul of a tornado except what only takes a “single southern terror” in truth seems to last forever and nothing is single about it when it‘s happening...but, you’re right with single as was written. It’s strange like that because a tornado comes so quickly, but it really does seem to outlast a lifetime. Going on, you demonstrated terrific metaphoric use within each stanza comparing a variety of aspects from natural splendor to demise to other sites equal in stature. Lastly, the summation of your verse : [[Like the souls of those absent in death, Like lips deprived of human speech, Like mighty men relieved of power.]] Quite frankly sums it up to a T or literally speaking as did your pen deprives it to a T in some shape, form or fashion - can’t tie it with a pretty ribbon though because like you said, in so many words - the memory of something that once was, but through some sort of peril, be it by chance or menace, perished or lost its luster nonetheless - isn’t pretty, but rather it’s devastating! To you, however, an accolade of poetic merit is given. That’s for sharing,, Kelly	2005-01-21 04:02:42
Reader	Joanne M Uppendahl	Yes, Writing does do this! You said in your first stanza, "but will come anyway, even with no place to land." Augh, sometimes this even happens without warning like when words, thoughts, and images just start flowing-n-flowing and often during these times when the mind is so busy inspirations come so quickly there's actually an over flooding, thus a multitude of thoughts -some of the best, mind you, too- GO! Literally they just go away because there just wasn’t enough time to jot all those wondrous thoughts down, but it can be worse. Yes, worse! Although I love it when an earthquake of inspiration takes place I hate it, too, because sometimes unwritten thoughts when they “go” travel farther than intended and they can not be recalled. They become lost in a poetic medium somewhere between here and there. Isn’t it odd, it’s usually those [like a man‘s tale of the fish that got away] that sound so great as they come rushing in. It's almost discouraging, but its especially unkind when this happens right after a long period of writer's block, loosing good ones that is. You are one hundred percent correct, writing is part of a writer’s blood and bones. Furthermore, knowing that pleasure is sought and received from something you’ve written even if it gets read without the benefit of the author getting to hear or see the reader’s enjoyment, it’s the pleasure of this knowing that counts. Ego aside, I agree with you again that the anticipation of touching, moving, or inciting a reader inasmuch that the ownership of the very paper on which the author’s written word is scribed upon becomes as just sacred and cherished to them who possess it as it does to its author in terms of being overwhelmed on various levels. Okay, image this scenario: Devastation over a bent corner on such a page [I long to write a page whose corner you will bend] would be comparable to the turmoil that France felt when the Mona Lisa was stolen by one of its gallery patrons. A crusader stole and hid this famous painting for years in his tiny tattered flat because he believed the Mona Lisa grace its rightful place, the homeland of its artist in Italy. Once again, Joanne, you’ve written another jewel. I think editing that book for your friend paid off hugely as you are topping the charts! ML Kelly [It is late. I'm not going to proof read this review, so, allow me now to ask in advance the forgiveness I'm sure to need for vast writting errors ... thanks]	2005-01-21 02:13:50
Syncopation	Rachel F. Spinoza	Wow! Poet, where do I begin? First, more than a suiting title- together, accenting, but cut, unaccented ..like so many relationships, nature regardless ... syncopation - marching to the beat of another song, not one with endearing terms, faithfulness either. I love the way you write, how you mastermind a rhythm and language that amalgamates sheer brilliance, precision and passion. With absolute wit and talent, you never fail to take an event, something that happened, a story and mold it with expressive energy. In relating such, you amaze me how you craft inanimate words kneading each until it generates its purpose intended, never is a single word utilized just for the sake of being, but rather it serves as an eminent subsistence, always. Clever, "cymbals and your sighs", great play of wording especially cymbals: hollow, but resounding and apparently of double-sides or -sided. Subject feels narrow and small, masked, needing to be forgiven while at the same time she hides the proof of pain. Adorning colors of suffrage, red and blue, she’s still bare and vulnerable, and yet there’s a still need to be clad with caution. Isn’t it strange how the forsaken asks for forgiveness while the other rests soundly and safeguarded by the afflicted as well, daily normalcy abounds as usual for nothing’s adrift even today: soft snoring, steaming chai tea, nutmeg, happily and content, snug as a bug, in the norm of his deceit, it’s common place. You’ve stirred within me the heart, the soul, the mind, the body that drums...thinking surely death will come, any second. Remarkable relationship shown between the metered/rhythmic lexis used to the actual pounding within during such an instance. Lie and lying were also used with great witted double-sidedness. Not enough praise to go around for this one... and on the day of our inaugural ceremony, too! Splendid. I really do admire this piece for as always your poetic pen prevails. With much admiration, Kelly {{Have a great day!}} I hope I took from this all that you had hoped.	2005-01-20 05:46:07
verse 36 (Ku Klux Klan) - revisited	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	KKK, you did it in a Haiku, amazing how 17 little bitty syllables can express so much, isn't it? Interesting form, using alliteration of K's to keep the meter and form and flare it with style. It's a hurtful subject, but writing about it exposes it. Ironic how these Knights who should be brave brave enough to show their faces in broad daylight din't do so, but did it at NIGHT...word play, good bringing that to light..yes, they were players-a united Kinship, which you stated, they were the keepers of and killers with fire and you were able to bring out that aspect with another K word, Kerosene...good job all in all....haiku is one of my favorite. Kelly	2005-01-18 00:34:18
A Birthday Psalm	stephen g skipper	Poet, not only did you raise a prayer of thanks to the heavens, but you also heightened your reader’s senses past the peak of the mount. Well done on the visuals and kuddo compliments go to you also for enlightening your reader’s nose, imploring the imagination to explore the sensuality of scent romanticized by touch. “Shadows joined” offers a wondrous display of erotic fusion...strong point of image! Your psalm was descriptively Illustrative in every aspect. Your song has begun, well done! Kelly OOPS, I nearly forgot, poet, check your spelling with care so you don't wind your readers up righty-tighty instead of lefty-loosey, which may make them put too much focus on words spelled incorrectly like yours: radiant, surprised, and tantalizes! Okay? Good, great job again!	2005-01-17 02:25:01
Dialectic Diadems	James Edward Schanne	Sonneteer, I love the way of which this is lined as if you were in another time, furthermore, in metered form you were great - three quads and a couplet summate each ending with an every other constant rhyme. {She bows to you} In no shape, form, or fashion could I top your word play...another attribute of your pen! Such contrast, but well thought out! I especially like “heirs” in your 4th line where one would expect to read “AIRS”, but I like that you didn’t adhere to confine yourself. For ‘heirs’ goes splendid here with bound lips for a heir never allow their lips to be bound and then you went on to tie it up again when you quipped ‘crown’ in your 11th line! Though your strategy changed somehow as it should, your train of thought stayed on track and that displays amazing talent. I’m sure most will grab the dictionary while reading this verse and I even did on one word...which one? I’m not telling! {{chuckle}} Your good play on words are definitely noted: fray bound opposing constant astray resolutions means logic jawing pummeled [and even lips] square round --and those all come from the first four lines! Astonishing -especially since you continue in the same spirit on and on! And even dice and dot is just as cunning! I am wondering though, do you have a child in the 6th grade? I do and about a third of her spelling words for this week were used in your sonnet. Now, that’s eerie, is it not? I am envious of a poet well crafted enough to write a sonnet as fine as this one! Praise where praise is due and that’s all I can say except that I’m printing this out so I can share it with my husband! Thank you, you- for letting me read this jewel as it truly is magical! Kelly	2005-01-15 06:57:44
Cello Child	Lynda G Smith	I have not critiqued a poem in quite a while, please, bear with me on my quest. First off, I can tell that this verse itself was written with “poignant precision”. Flared with color,-- warm dark shining white,-- you amplified your comparatives with contrasts, each well suited in and of its own accord. Even more so, the personification, --forget-me-nots mother’s pearls--, of the keepsake sentiments you described were noteworthy, tangible examples that added extra luster if not rhythm to the beat of your musical theme. Just the same, the alliteration drawn out in certain lines were used at just the perfect time - keeping time. I especially admired the ebb and flow of “that map the path ” from the rhyming couplet of these lines: “Reading the melody In notes that map the path to symmetry”. How true it is, the harmony and the joy of knowing is infinite and ageless indeed especially when it is that of a child’s of which we speak. Capturing my attention, your summation was all too familiar inasmuch that far too often [mostly and sadly so at school and even sadder - during the hustle and bustle at home] for the sake of sanity, silence from our wee ones is sought. You are right, who are we to quench the burning in their veins for a voice of their own, one of fever desiring to be heard? For they are ours - our children, the light that shines despite the time of day and they are the future, the very essence of our being or ever being! The only suggestion I might offer, which is mild, would be one of preposition and conjunction freedom. Otherwise dear poet, from heartstrings to quavers the echo of your cello child’s symphony was exceptionally well sung. OH! Another thing, I see in your "additional notes" you said ''For Rachel...in thanks for the encouragement''. Yes, I must agree, she is the best, isn't she? You are one lucky apprentice having Rachel in your poetic corner! Kuddos Kelly	2005-01-15 06:06:45
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Kelly Denise LaBeff	Critique Date

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