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Red Feather He was strong, young, and brave. His skin glistened like burnished copper in the dawning sun. His long raven hair pulled back and secured with deer sinew, and one red feather tucked inside. Bare to the waist he wore only a leather loin cloth, his muscles sinewy and rigid. He squatted at the root of the grand Teton mountains and surveyed his world. He loved the pine trees that strained to stroke the invincible sky, the bugle of the wild wapiti, and the sonorous cadenza of the Trumpeter Swans with black wedge shaped bills and stark white feathers. He could hear the haunting chant of his people in aspen trees as they quaked in harmony with the breeze. His name was Red Feather Standing beside him, with nostrils flared, his pinto pawed the earth as if he knew this day would be different. His thumb grazed the blade of his tomahawk and drew a bead of blood, his bow strung taut, his arrows sharp. Today he was a tenderfoot but before sun down he would be a warrior. Soon he would join the Cheyenne in a mighty battle against the Pawnee. He would take many scalps and prove to be a brave, revered by his tribe and their enemies. He grabbed a hank of the pinto's mane and in one quick movement he mounted his pony and loped across the clearing. The Tetons never left his sight as if they were protecting him, with their indomitable strength, from the battle that loomed ahead. He was poised, alert, and excited when he met the Cheyenne, resplendent in their war paint and feathers. He never returned to his teepee that day...he fought his first and final battle as a warrior If you gaze into the night when the moon is nude and stars blink you may see him astride his cayuse, his midnight hair flowing behind him as he gallops across heaven's path, with spear held high above his head, ready for any ghost in the esoteric sky. His soul belongs to the great spirit, Manitou His legend to infinity His name was Red Feather |
Additional Notes:
This is for you Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-02-21 02:08:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
marilyn,
Did I see you post something in the forum about being on a hunt for a man? I have to tell you that when I started to read this poem I didn't know where you were going with it. I was thinking that it should have been titled "Red Feathers", but then I regained my composure.
Wow does this gets me going. I'm ready to go to battle right now.
Your descriptive wording is excellent throughout. I particularly enjoyed some of the following lines.
"His skin glistened like burnished copper in the dawning sun" What a strong image this is.
"He squatted at the root of the grand Teton mountains and surveyed his world." Cool. What a visualization. And I love the use of the word "root" here.
"If you gaze into the night when the moon is nude and stars
blink you may see him astride his cayuse, his midnight hair flowing behind
him as he gallops across heaven's path, with spear held high above his
head, ready for any ghost in the esoteric sky."
This is precious. What an epic read marilyn.
Jeez, if I was Red Feather, I would want you to write my poem.
I'm just going to stretch into the poem a little deeper mentally and associate some of the images quickly with my own thinking.
i am standing to the dawn of my last day encouraged by the chanting, the war paint, the beautiful mountain vista, muscles tight with the anticipation of conquest, the breath of my horse, electrified air, the spirits are close, a cold prickling feeling all around me....
Yes you capture his excitement to go to war and tie it off nicely, empowering him through his people and the Tetons. I can feel his heart racing as he rides to engage in the battle and feel it beat it's final beat as he lies dying. Letting his spirit escape to the sky. Even the mountains can't "root" him to the world. Nor can the promise of manhood.
He's just to perfect to let live. You immortalize him in the end though, at least giving him a chance to
"save face," so to speak.
Excellent writing and a truly enjoyable read for this unorthodox critiquer. You must know a lot about the west. I bet you live in Montana, Wyoming or Utah. I was recently to the Tetons. Awesome.
Thanks marilyn,
Troy