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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2005-02-22 16:24:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Rights

Don’t mess with the second amendment. Don’t touch our hand guns! It’s our right to own guns and if we allow that right to be taken away, think of all the other rights we would immediately lose. The right to kill our classmates for teasing us too often, the right to kill our co-workers for excluding us, the right to kill that rude driver who just cut us off, the right to shoot law enforcement while protecting our illegal activities, the right to kill ourselves when life gets too tough, the right to kill our girlfriends for wanting to leave us, and lastly, the right to kill our ex-wives and children if the divorce judge rules against us. Don’t change the gun laws, we’ll lose to many rights.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-05 17:57:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You know Mark, I know what the Second amendment stands for, and that's fine, howerever this parody point out just why handguns are bad, in the hands of angry, distraught, and just individuals who put their needs over others and do what they do to get even, so anger should be a part of this padody. Everyday we seee examples of individuals who abridge the law, and take lives randomally. So this strong submission really carries the message, what rights are we concerned with, those that special interests groups advocate, are they really affecting the general populace, don't know, but I do know hand guns in the wrong hands is a big argument for not having hand guns. You wrote quite a poem here, the layout is excellent, the projection super strong.....I'm against guns for just the reasons you cite in your poem; in the wrong hands they create disasters of untold grief, andaffect all individuals associated with the person breaking the law. Just the way I feel, but have to admit this poem is right on, and speaks a universal language, and brings to light wh shouldn't allow handguns. They arn't used in hunting forays for animals, they kill people,and we don't need a segement of society that place many in jepody....strong poem, written well, but an earth shaking truth..............the days of the gun being the answer has long past, this isn't the old west, no war of a civil nature...so why are these hand guns necessary? See brings out more questions then answers, but we shake our heads and wonder why someone used a handgun to settle a score, why are we so angry? A thinking poem, can't ask for anyhing more.....best Jo Mo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-03 20:01:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, and excellent representation of an archaic, misinterpreted clause. It was a different time, of different people. Although some here may find my agreement with this a surprise, you point is the same point that I have spoken so many times. "Don't change the gun laws, we'll lose to many rights". Grant me the right to shoot whatever takes my will. You have spoken a visual, powerful piece. Thank you Mark, it will probably fall on a deaf ear, this is one of the few issues both right and left join forces on.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-23 20:32:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67647
Poet.....your message comes across very loud and clear.........structure works, in opening you speak of not taking away your right to own a gun......and what you would lose if this right was taken away........God I pray not all think with such violence just because they own a gun........I know, for I read the terror, destruction, murder, violence which appears every day in this country......and much is very well associated with owning a gun.......your words bring forth horrible images of death, destruction to many families, together and apart. Much food for thought in this one though I doubt the laws will change enough to keep guns out of the hands that hurt and kill. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-02-23 18:08:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Mark--I applaud your willingest to tackle such a controversial theme/topic. You've listed grave connotations/incidents which have been well documented. As a vet/military policeman/ citizen/family man/owner of guns I abhor these horrific incidents and share your belief for gun lesgislation reform. Futhermore, Until some drastic changes are made in this arena, we are destined to relive more repeated occurrences of the gruesomeness you've related. The changing of these laws won't be easy due the power of proponents for guns rights. This group has one of, if not, the most powerful lobbyist in Washington. Hopefully, your satirical post will emote/move TPLers to contact others who in-turn will make their feelings known to their political representatives. Thanks for speaking up. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-02-23 15:06:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Hi Mark, When I read this piece the first time it gave me chills and the second time I felt anger because the words are so true. "They" say guns don't kill people...people do. What a stupid statement...without a gun they can't kill...well not with a gun anyway. My husband was a hunter and owner of several guns. He taught safety and responsibility to his sons and only used guns to hunt big game...which was not really my cup of tea but it was his passion so I always went with him. He was also a policeman...got shot twice but never shot anyone. He was also a Korean war vet and was shot there, as well. But as you so aptly write here guns in the wrong hands are leathal and people die over the smallest things...for being teased.. ..being left out..road rage...killing law enforcement...suicide...murder of wives, babies, and the list goes on. I especially like the way you have put this together as it packs a big wallop and is a compelling read. The fact that it is true of our society today is so sad and worst of all...how will it end? Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-23 01:03:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Title: Rights Beginning is a very patriotic approach; the narrator’s voice is directly engaged, stern, bold and spoken confidently. The tone is set for the piece as for “rights” which is depicted by the title. I get a strong sense that the narrator has a need to express the perspective with some urgency and I as the reader, can’t help but get drawn into this as well. The shift to realism adds drama and intensifies the message. Meter is consistent helping the reader stay with the poem as it underlines the importance of what is being said. The language is concise, straightforward to give good comprehension with well chosen modifiers. Each one does its job without clutter; the purpose for emphasis is focused for clarity. Evocative shift to feelings and the relating to the many rights which are seen to reverberate in unique way to the mention of the second amendment in line 2, shows a continuum. Last line is a tie-in to the beginning, bringing full circle to closure. Reader left with the lingering punch of reality to the action of killing and the parable-like feature becomes sarcastic or ironic in deliverance which gives strength to the view of “rights”. I like the fact this poem documents society’s method to exercise and maintain rights, in its violent descriptions; very potent. Also, many points are brought to a personal context which offers connection with the reader. A reality poem with issues to ponder, this piece does it job impelling the reader to at least think about personal opinion on rights. imo. . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-02-22 22:23:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Mark, I've handled guns all my life and don't own one. I don't need one or want one and I think, even though it takes a finger to pull the trigger, hand guns and these damn assault rifles people are piling up in their basements should be regulated to the point of extinction. I was always told that a gun was a tool. Today a gun is glamour. The average gun guy or gal has between 20 and 100 firearms that they never use. By the way I had two friends shoot themselves and one almost got me on his way to wherever. They used shot guns, like it matters. Anyway, getting to your writing. Well, what can I say. Strong, well written, pointed, communicable (drawing on known references) and full of irony right down to the closing line. I can't remember if a hand gun was smuggled on to the plane during 911 or if they just used box cutters. If they used a gun then I would assume we have the right to kill piolets as well as presidents and public speakers. Oh, they were terrorists from the Middle East, so probably not. Oh well just a thought, I'm trying to stick up for my "rights" you know. I'll probably get in an arguement at work tomorrow over guns now. LOL Thoughtful read, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-22 20:23:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Hi Mark, Man you can pick a controversial subject! In the first stanza it's true. Our individual rights are slowly being taken. Riding a bike with a helmet. Everybody rode a bike without a helmet. We rode horses no helmet. I never even heard of head injury with either. It's a way to control the masses. Flouride in the water? [causes cancer]Someones whacko. Today what can you do without fear? Big deal we may die. yes, now what? I'm not into guns but it isn't right to not able to defend yourself upon attack. I think the main thing is intent and saneness. Then a gun is no harm. What happens when all the gangsters are the only gun owners. Police do what they d/what they can. I'd rather have an option versus no option. people believe such crap. You've got a conversation starter with this poem.[got me going] Titles Riight! Everything good.... We can kill with a look! I understand clearly your poem, I just want my free-ness too, Ciao, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-02-22 18:54:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Oh Mark you're such a cynic...but I love it! Now if you Americans would just take the lead from us (lowly in your books)Canadians who have a hand-gun law, you will see that our murder rate is at least 80 % lower than the US's. And the same applies for Great Britain, Australia, etc. So yes Mark, you lay it out quite well, but I hate to tell you...it'll never happen!Not if Americans keep persons in the foreground such as Charleton Heston and his band. Thanks for speaking out.

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