This Poem was Submitted By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-03-11 11:01:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Duel for a Paper Dollar

By morning’s shroud and moon's demise, by pre-arrangement this, A duel to be fought by two, The prize, a papered kiss. The swords switch on and off as in  the hands of decadent men, A techno-war of time and byte Proves mightier than the pen. The odor of decay is such a premonition foul, a death served up upon demand, beneath the guise of cowl. And in the shadows wistful move the ghosts of will and won’t, who would if could and might if should, write down for those who don’t The whisperings of things to come, a finite tale to tell, how some soul’s shake their wrappings,   and some take veil too well.  There’s one who cheats at death this day. Fate blew upon the dice of chance and won, the moment had For once, no fee for vice. I weary of these battles, and the words that lay them bare; the killers of a spirit true, the cost of death not fair.   Who reigns the world of sex and gore Who live by tales told Who profits when the sun will rise by what is penned and sold.

Copyright © March 2005 Lynda G Smith

Additional Notes:
May we never lose sight of why we write....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-16 08:50:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13636
Good Morning Poet......enjoyed the read though at times the font used makes it hard .........seems like spaces are missing between letters, especially on my computer.......enjoyed the words you have used within the lines though and the images and feelings they have created and the rhyme which works so well here.... you have written this very well, to read and feel, let alone take in the created images brings forth days of long ago, perhaps medieval times...... "The almighty dollar" speaks loud and clear and perhaps what each one may give up emotionally, morally, etc., to just win that "Paper Kiss"... how money tends to rule so many that do not know the value of life, pure and simple as it was meant to be......."The whisperings of things to come, a finite tale to tell, how some soul’s shake their wrappings, and some take veil too well." Enjoyed the way you have brought this to closure could almost hear the music playing in the background as one read this out loud......thank you for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-15 12:14:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Lynda, This is a grand poem...rhyming is wonderful and the theme very clever. You use great word choices and the cadence moves along from word to word, not forced for the sake of the rhyme. This certainly is a techno world we live in and your are right it probably is mightier than the pen. I read a lot of poetry and find myself drawn to the 'old' R.L.Steveson, Poe, Elliot, does anyone write like that anymore? You certainly have a flair for writing which is both admired and envied. I tried to pick out my favorite stanza in this piece, but could not as I love them all. I hope to read more of your work as it is a pleasure. I know this poem will place high on the winners list. Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2005-03-15 11:19:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lynda, Well! How very nice! Rare around these parts to see a nicely rhymed, lyrical (metrical, even!) poem. Simple, uncomplicated yet perfectly suited rhymes...nothing twisted or stretched. Enjambment...properly and effectively used...clever (very clever!) use of language...a poem that is technically - and poetically - right on! Yes, a rarity in these parts and you are to be congratulated for that. Here's hoping you don't get singed by some of the critics here...some of whom can't tell their assonance from a rhyme scheme! Nice piece, nice work! Peace, Gene Dixon
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-14 05:57:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41176
You have written such a very strong atmosphere into this poem..reminds me of medieval times, with the sword and the dagger, your wording of course and the font that you chose for this all give that feel to your very clever write, about the plight of modern man and times. Such a social statement you have made here. "The almighty dollar" and what we give up morally, etc to win the "Paper Kiss"...and how it rules the world and the people who do not see the true values to our exhistence. Always the struggle, the battle "The whisperings of things to come, a finite tale to tell, how some soul’s shake their wrappings, and some take veil too well." I really like the way you have finished this piece, for it summs your ideas and insight so well, all in this 4 line stanza. Thought your choice of rhyme scheme suited this very well, almost in a sing song sort of rythm that gave it a undertone that reminded me of a haunting children's skipping song, which made me think of the lost innocence . Great use of of the examples "For once, no fee for vice." Really enjoyed your words, thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-03-13 10:24:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi, Lynda How could we lose sight when there are poems like this to read and people like you to critique us Duel for a Paper Dollar Intriguing and apt title By morning’s shroud and moon's demise, by pre-arrangement this, A duel to be fought by two, The prize, a papered kiss. Nice lilting rhythm and clever rhymes but I tripped a little and stopped too long thinking about “papered” but then I know you can’t say – “paper” because of the cadence - so how about: [First prize-a paper kiss] so the dash would serve as a half stop? The swords switch on and off as in the hands of decadent men, [ they do they do great simile] A techno-war of time and byte Proves mightier than the pen. Of all sad words of tongue and modem The saddest is – “I shudda wrote him?” Sorry – the devil-muse made me do it The odor of decay is such a premonition foul, [“a foreboding pre-cursor, “ so to speak [sorry] a death served up upon demand, beneath the guise of cowl. The guise of cowl! Oh thane of chancery – what cool , delicious words these be! And in the shadows wistful move the ghosts of will and won’t, who would if could and might if should, write down for those who don’t It’s like Poe and Lewis Carroll and ee were resurrected all together just to write that last stanza! The whisperings of things to come, a finite tale to tell, how some soul’s shake their wrappings, and some take veil too well. Ah, yes and bhurka and blanket and sometimes even trendy blue jeans I think my inner demon are playing chess with your inner demons There’s one who cheats at death this day. Fate blew upon the dice of chance and won, the moment had For once, no fee for vice. Musta been that tired old chess playing ghost from Seventh Seal. ”For once no fee for vice” fills the mouth as deliciously as a crème brullee I weary of these battles, and the words that lay them bare; the killers of a spirit true, the cost of death not fair. indeed! Who reign[-s?] the world of sex and gore Who live by tales told Who profits when the sun will rise by what is penned and sold[?]. Not sure if the last section is a question or not or exactly what or whom is the subject. What a grand and complex piece this is! best Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2005-03-12 10:54:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.80000
Lynda - Marvelous poem! Nicely crafted, sharply honed indictment of those motivated by a greed rather than an emotion. The format..8 a perfect presentation and the meter is lyrically held (one exception - 2nd line, last stanza: "who live by tales told" - do you think you could use another syllable in there? like, "who live by sad tales told" or "...tales untold" ...I dunno! The rhymes are terrific. Simple, not far-reaching but nothing forced or out of place. The rhythm of the poem works nicely, too! Smoothly, like a good tune...not at all the "sing-song" usually found. All in all, great poem! Thanks for the read! Sean
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