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This Poem was Submitted By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-03-24 19:45:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Foundation Work

Describe the shape of feelings Touch fingers of regret Inhale a memory picture Bleed the map of what you get Lick the blood and swallow Five drops of holy wine Balance joy and sorrow Draw an infinite line Listen like a knife point Avoid the mirror’s gaze Stand for hunger, sit for love Write about a maze Walk a groove of music Lead the past away Shout a secret password Find seven summer days Everywhere and only now Speak of bitter suns Lay on frozen pools of oil Learn the game of guns Do it without thinking Penance is a beast Slash the common wisdom Deserve the final feast

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-04 09:10:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41509
Poet......I do not expect even a score for this as it is not a critique of course.....just wanted you to know I have read this over and over and find something different with each read.....I think you have structured it well, the words flow and as they do images are created along with feelings and emotions go wo with each stanza as they pass forth..........to me it speaks of life, what we make of it, how we live it, whether we find it good or bad or perhaps even indeffirent, life is what we make of it and I appreciate your closing stanza for to me it wraps it all together in reaping the rewards of our work ......I know when it is all said and done I do hope I am on the right side of justice with God.......thanks for posting, for sharing and allowing me to read and respond. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Amy E. Ahrens On Date: 2005-04-01 18:32:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow. I am very impressed with the flow and rhythm. It's simple, but powerful in the descriptive words. I definitely enjoyed reading it. ~forestchild7~

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Anne Westheimer On Date: 2005-03-31 11:44:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Barbara, this is strong poetry that has a definite rhyming and rhythm scheme. It's one to read more than once. Lots of particular images that could pertain to a variety of issues. I particularly like the third stanza. Your "Listen" refers to the vision of a knife but nevertheless gives the reader the essence of hearing. There is also a call to action feeling in the stanza. The last stanza puts me in mind of a soldier at war who can't analyze what has to be done until later. Overall the poem could be about almost any situational emotion: love, regret, depression, bitterness. For curiosity's sake, I'd like to know the theme of the poem. However, you've gathered powerful lines that with or without explanation, make for fine poetry, and a lasting impression. --Elaine

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-26 21:03:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36364
Shazaam. That's my secret word. Oh Barbara, I've read this 3 times and what I come away with is probably not valid. Otherwise the rhyme scheme is good and valid. The title...well I am guessing to me it is about war and the sorrows it brings. The final feast is the lack of wisdom in commencing such a violent act.There is no shape to feelings...only what one feels. So, I know I'm off base, but hey, I'm a simple man trying to figure out a complex of meanings in this piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-03-25 18:35:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Barbara: This is my first response to one of your poems, though I have been a silent reader for a while now. The poem's form, rhymes, sounds, and most of all, its images are engaging and remain with me after the reading, like phrases of music. The religious symbols seem familiar and yet are almost surrealistic, if I understand the term correctly, as things juxtaposed which are somewhat incongruent, as in the paintings of Joan Miro, especially her "Singing Fish." This is entirely subjective, but as music often does, good poetry calls up a wealth of past experience along with related emotions. Describe the shape of feelings Touch fingers of regret Inhale a memory picture Bleed the map of what you get Plosives are subtle but powerfully evocative, especially in "picture/bleed/blood/shape/map" -- "Five drops of holy wine" are an example of what I meant by the comparison to Miro. Attention to detail is strong throughout the poem, as are its symbols of the ritual of communion. I believe "inhale a memory picture" evokes the smell of incense and all of the associations called forth especially for readers who have experienced the liturgical churches. Listen like a knife point Avoid the mirror’s gaze Stand for hunger, sit for love Write about a maze Images of a labyrinth are swirling in my mind's eye view, as are the physical sensations of standing and sitting. The commanding verbs "listen/avoid/stand/write" give me the sense that I am being instructed and directed in every action, though my feelings are hunger and love -- so powerful that they must be restrained by strict enclosure. I'm fascinated by the poem's numbers and intrigued by the implications of "five drops of blood" and "seven summer days" as well. Again, the verbs are directive as if one is being led, probed, ordered and rearranged against one's will. "Everywhere and only now Speak of bitter suns" Some images are aversive -- "bitter suns" and especially "frozen pools of oil" -- and evoke for me a desire to escape. Plosives and gutturals are deftly, aptly employed in an ever more forceful way. This isn't a romantic poem about a lovely garden in springtime. Gritty reality is side-by-side with unmet human need and desire, which, I believe, are repressed as the listener is instructed to "avoid the mirror's gaze." As an aside, I recall reading, many years ago, that gazing in mirrors could cause one to experience 'clairvoyant visions' or presentience and was best avoided as a dangerous practice. I sense, though, that the line may imply that the speaker has been instructed to avoid looking in mirrors so that vanity may be squelched, or any reflection by the individual on what she or he truly desires which may be outside the boundaries of what has been taught. Do it without thinking Penance is a beast Slash the common wisdom Deserve the final feast I can't help but feel the speaker's alienation from orthodoxy as a practice done "without thinking" -- and the word "slash" is dramatic, incisive here, implying anger, harm and violence. I cannot help but be reminded of Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale." I hope I have not strayed too far from your intent for the work. It is acrid and effective. I think the work of a poem is to evoke emotion, and this one succeeds admirably well. Best wishes, Joanne

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