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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-22 11:04:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Your Passion

I welcome checkered silence Sky over-brimmed with rain And the way you Speak my name When through the willow flits a bird And spangled sun shatters blue Dreams of love Begin with you As I drink deep of coming spring And clamor of life confounds me Only your passion Will set me free

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-05-07 13:57:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97297
Hi, Marilyn The phrase "checkered silence" turns the first section into a fresh and speculative preable to a luscious poem Sky over-brimmed with rain And the way you Speak my name wonderful unexpected reference of the personal in this list When through the willow flits a bird I am not sure of hte intrusion of an inversion which -perhaps in my opinion alone - makes the stanza seem too contrived and self - conscious perhaps what a bird flits through the window And spangled sun shatters blue [great assonance and feeling here] Dreams of love Begin with you As I drink deep of coming spring And clamor of life confounds me Only your passion Will set me free Intersting ending ot a fine piece

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2005-05-03 07:08:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear M. Absolutely a fantastic piece. Great writers say volumes using few words. You have done that here. Spangled sun was very nice. It is hard to mix nature and passion and make it work you have done that here. Best thing I have read this month and I hope you do well with it. Nice Job! mk

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-01 23:27:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marilyn, I’m partial to poems of love and nature. There’s enough negativity in the world that we have to grab on to the good stuff while we can. “I welcome the checkered silence” of this poem as I work my way through the lines. I see the “sky over-brimmed with rain” hearing the drops falling with freshness. As you are hearing the speaking of your name. “When through the willow flits a bird and spangled sun shatters blue.” I see this and love the alliteration even as you dream of love. “As I drink deep of coming spring and clamor of life confounds me.” Again I see this, long to be free in the coming spring even as you are set free by passion. What a beautiful poem. I like the classical style and gentle delivery of the lines. When read slowly, it is most excellent and satisfying. Smiles all over, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-30 22:11:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.22727
Brilliant! Smooth and even paced the whole way through. 'and spangled sun shatters blue' - what wonderful imagery. maybe 'and the clamor of life cofounds me' either way the feeling is portrayed well. a well written ode to love. Nice work, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-26 06:39:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25806
Beautifully written, from the heart, word flow which brings forth not only emotions felt deep within but also of images that each reader may partake in each in their own special way.....for passions are different for each.....and in this situation you speak of someone's passion perhaps other then your own and it is in the coming of Spring time that this passion over powers you and allows you to be somehow reunited even for a little time....Dreams of love begin with you...........only your passion will set me free........I just adore the opening stanza it is speaking so softly to me as the rain gently spills over the sides of the sky touching, lapping, kissing perhaps as it touches you..........spangled sun shatters blue....another of my favorite word flow..........thank you for posting and sharing this powerful piece with us.....will certainly make the top voting list. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-26 03:46:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.66667
Marilyn, This is so well developed. I can trace the dual path of the soft hint of the borning of spring and the first notice of the way this someone speaks your name. As love take flight we see it in everything. Nice alliteration by the way. "As I drink of coming spring" Beautiful double entendre and linking the last verse to the first. And then we await fulfillment. That release that is provided by forces outside of ourselves. We wait...biding our time, holding hands with our own patience. I hope spring blooms full for you... Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-25 18:29:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
Marilyn, I loved your flitting bird! I'm just jealous of your passionate fellow. I liked checkered silence and sky brimmed over rain.. I think I'd put only your passion for me, will set me free. [just a thought] This poem says heaps of your love for another. So very nice..... I think this is very good. I'm impressed. If I could just get over my jealousy. Loved it, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-23 22:15:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.54167
Hi Marilyn, What a fitting poem for todays weather! "I welcome checkered silence"...the weather is raining then snowing then raining /snowing and the birds and animal are silent while those of us snuggled in side. I see two poems in this one. The first two lines of each stanza when strung together tell a tale of nature and Gods litle creatures. The second two lines in each stanza if strung together tell of a love. I am sure God made both, written by you Marilyn. This poem was very delightful and I loved all the imagery it holds. Bravo! Helen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-22 16:32:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73077
Marilyn: You absolutely astonish me with this poem. It is so masterfully done and your style reminds me somewhat of one of my favorite poets, Anna Akhmatova. Brilliant phrases throughout, such as "sky over-brimmed", "checkered silence" and most startlingly brilliant -- "spangled sun shatters blue" -- remarkable! To have written such a poem is worth years of writing, even of suffering. What a romantic masterpiece this is. "I drink deep of coming spring" is like immersing oneself in a clear, cool, rushing spring after a sweaty ten-mile hike. Hard 'c' plosives of "clamor/confounds" and the 'p' sound in "passion" add to the sense that the speaker is filled with energy that can only find expression with the one to whom she addresses these words. Your muse has visited and left you with a stellar gift! Congratulations on one of the very best poems you have written so far. And that's saying quite a lot, indeed. Simply -- WOW!!! Dazzled, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-04-22 11:39:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Marilyn, I can scarcely deal with the quality of the poetry this month. I read a verse and seldom say “nice”, it is always, wow, or powerful, and your verse is no change to that. This “Passion” holds so much in so few lines/words that a novel could be written from the residue. Your Passion – Here we see, there is to be “passion” and we are to watch the keeper of such. Already I feel drawn to the substance of someone, I do not know whom. I welcome checkered silence Sky over-brimmed with rain And the way you Speak my name – I didn’t stop at the lines above, rather rolled it all into a ball for there is an essence that you create, of loss, tears, and yet salve and quenching. It is such an odd symbiosis that I feel at once “loved” after a fashion, and yet “forlorn” in need of that love. I need the passion. When through the willow flits a bird And spangled sun shatters blue Dreams of love Begin with you – The visage you create, of sun against a powerful, cheerful sky, and of a “bird” (you speak of bird, not of birds, symbolizing loneliness and aloneness), against that sky. Once again beauty, and needing beauty, fulfillment, and emptiness. “Dreams of you, begin with you”, there are those dreams that rake eternity for a pin drop, and only the pinpoint of luxury will suffice, no matter the black velvet of diamonds. Excellent stanza, excellent. As I drink deep of coming spring And clamor of life confounds me Only your passion Will set me free – Ah Marilyn, the tower that is this poem. Sara Teasdale, E E Cummings, John Keats, Emily Dickenson, all would have found this poem, needful. The “clamor” of life, speaks of loss while amongst life, “coming” spring seems to always look for what never arrives, and “only” – “your passion” drinks from a fount none but you know that well. Marilyn, I am so thankful to have read this piece this month. There is beauty, deep within each phrase. Thanks so much for the writing!!

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