Mark D. Kilburn's E-Mail Address: ryeminsimon@hotmail.com
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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Mark D. Kilburn has given on The Poetic Link.
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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Mark D. Kilburn	Critique Date
the Gift of Poetry	Ellen K Lewis	Let me start with a few very minor suggestions that may or may not make sense to you. 1.Line six, I like sorrow a lot more than sorrows. 2.Line eight, and rub and polish, how about to or I rub and polish just eliminating an and. 3.fifth line from the bottom and those who read them, perhaps for those or all those instead of and. I like the opening rhyme alot, from there the rhyming isn't quite as strong but that's okay and didn't bother me at all. I also like the way you used the stolen and cliche lovely as a tree, I thought that was very nice and well done. Overall I found it to be a very pleasent read of a very well written poem. The only other minor suggestion is to maybe split into a couple three four verses instead of the long continual verse. These are all very small things that may improve the read or may not, overall message is well done. mk	2012-08-01 18:43:17
Pink Blossoms	cheyenne smyth	This was my fav of the three in a row and I like the unspent leaves, that worked nicely for me. Mind if I steal that? It's so much smoother than unused or unfallen, it sets up unkept and unnerving. It makes me wonder if you suffered from the drought at all, we did and though we've had rain the last two weeks our garden was severely stunted. I hate to see the fighting that's going on and saw where your name was mentioned and I know you as a person and I know you've won tons of times on this site and have had several instances where you finished lower than you should have because of a first place finish the prior month. You have earned all your accolades and first place finishes, that's the way I see it anyway. mk	2012-08-01 18:30:09
My Policy as of.....	James C. Horak	Hey James, I see a little bit of the fight now brewing or being played out and want you to know I appreciate your critiques and consider it a favor when you critique my stuff. I'm a little more thick-skinned than most but if we only give and recieve "FLUFF" critiques we cannot learn. I have a book on Kindle now, (Last Song, A True Lakota Love Story) and would have never written it if I hadn't joined the link some twelve years ago. I met several teachers, both Jo's and Mell Morris, Brenda Tate to name just a few. I watch as more and more leave and can only say that I personally pass on critiquing something that is what I precieve to be crap, however if I can offer any advice as far as grammer or flow or opinion that I think the writer could benefit from I'll say it. I am sure you are basically the same. I have never thought any of your critiques were mean or overly negative, quite the opposite for whatever it's worth. I just hate to see anyone leave but hey it's a personal choice, I've just gotten so much out of this site, I have had six poems published in local magazines and even got paid to write a cover poem for a blizzard out here inm 2003. Thanks James, mk	2012-08-01 18:09:01
ME TOOOOOO	Ellen K Lewis	Hello Ellen I can see a row brewing and only want to say, and without taking sides I appreciate your work and comments so please do not leave. I have a book on kindle now, (Last Song, A True Lakota Love Story) and owe it all to being on this site for some twelve years. I found some great teachers on this site who helped me many many times. Mell Morris was a wonderful friend and poet and teacher as well as so many more. I need all the help I can get and would hope that if a couple of folks are not getting along that maybe they could have a little respect for the site and stay away from each other. There is now reason to critique someone you are angry with, let's save sabotage for terrorists and third graders. I am in no way directing this at you, I just want people to stay with this great thing Chrisa has built and make the positive out shine the negative. I hate to see good people leave we seem to lose enough to the grim reaper as it is. Keep writing and hope we can talk more soon. mk	2012-08-01 17:59:23
Ticking Bomb	cheyenne smyth	I accidently got here and saw your name. It's obvious why you won, absolutely wonderful and not like your other stuff, very different and very original. I got sucked in by the conversational way it was written. Crooked heart is a wonderful concept as are laughing ghosts, it was even better the second read and was perfect and ready to publish or enter in other contests. Two thumbs up! mk	2012-08-01 17:10:01
The Web	cheyenne smyth	Wow, double wow, this is such a good poem i can't beleive it. I don't totally understand it but I'm not sure that's all that important. I'm guessing this will mean many different things to different people. To me it feels a little like getting lost in material things we often hunger for but i could be miles off and it wouldn't matter. It is just gorgeous, i think you should send it in to the newspaper so more people can enjoy it. This is the best poem I've read in several months and I give it an 11 on a scale to 10. mk	2012-05-30 16:54:19
I Was In the Middle and You Were All Around	Ellen K Lewis	This was super powerful for me because of my recent loss. It is a beautiful tribute to someone very close to you. She'd love it and probably has read it, at least I like to think so. I don't see anything that needs improving, reaads wonderfully and fits fine as far as I see. Heartfelt is the word that comes to mind, nice job, mk	2012-05-30 16:47:54
Saturday’s Delight	Lora Silvey	I know this is older but I couldn't find any newer ones so thought I'd try this one, glad I did. I am in a foul mood and this read made me smileand I wasn't sure I could smile today...i found this whole poem to be a very happy one, grin rushes to ear was very well done. I could almost hear most poets slipping the cliche ear to ear in there and congrats on not doing that. Grin rushes to ear is wonderfully original and keeps with the rest of the poem perfectly and for me this was a very strong line. What is a demitasse tea set? just curious, I suppose I could google it. All in all very nice and I honestly cannot give you any suggestions for improvement or rough spots, i don't see any, enjoyable read, very strong and nice ending, I can feel your pride and joy in that final line. mk	2012-05-30 16:41:31
Nature's Bliss	cheyenne smyth	This is first rate poetry. The only suggestion would be verse one line two two heartys sounds better to me than two heart, but that's the only thing I saw everything else was fabulous,when wishes wend their wander was a favorite and rill was just a lovely choice. I'd say an eleven on a scale of ten. mk	2012-05-20 12:23:42
The Unregarding	James C. Horak	Hi James, Appreciate your many comments and thought I'd read a couple of yours. Long poems can make for a grueling read but not so here, still-My critique would be this, keep going with this poem and don't stop where you did- Is it excellent the way it is now? Yes very much so and I can't offer any sug. at all. Why do I say keep going? Not every poem on the link are all that fun to read, this was so just out of pure selfishness from my P.O.V. i would like to keep reading and reading, dam nice stuff and my hope is that you are not punished point wise for such brevity. mk Serendipity might also fit title wise?	2012-04-18 17:58:05
Fine Wine	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, WOW what a beautiful poem and what a great job you did on this. Your sea poems are so great, amazing. I bet this would do really well on other sites or in the local paper. more people than the few here should be reading this one. There is nothing I can see or say that could possibly improve this masterpiece. I can tell yuo what worked, all of it! Pulverized bones of mnts. disolve and sink exactly how they do it- and then drink like fine wine, if I didn't know better I'd think you lived in a beach house. Your ocean poems are spectacular and should be published. Nice Title I am impressed and loved it. thanks mk	2012-04-18 17:47:34
Geriatric Parade	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I don’t do a lot of critiques for various reasons, but I owe you at least a couple and when I hit the critique list you were on top! Absolutely enjoyed this one. I read then re-read several times and found a whole lot to like. The first verse; Ballsy and brash and then clang and clash go really well together, I’m guessing the majority of writers would have used crash and then lost the cl sound. Made for a nice strong start and had this reader from the git go. As poets we must all be aware it’s all been said before and there are few subjects that aren’t hashed to death (politics) so for me originality counts a heck of a lot, good job with that, a nice not so often talked about subject. Humor is always good and something I need to improve on so I plan on trying to get more humorous and you did well with that, I loved the purple hair, stripes and polka dots stanza well done! Another thing I might try and steal from you was the way you tied two different versus together by rhyming the first line with the last from the previous verse. Care with flare in the last verse, perhaps accidental but even so it tied the two together nicely for me. Finally, the last verse hit me as both deep and serious; perhaps I misunderstood your meaning- Lies in wait for the keeper’s next dare after hidden mischief worked well and makes me think very hard about being in a nursing home so all the humor ended up making me both think and feel and I believe that’s the whole point of art. I would think this does well rating wise but if not you should be proud of this one and enter it other places, I would think your local paper would love to print it. I dislike fluffy critiques personally, I am sure you know what I mean; but at the same time I don’t think it helps anyone to dig and dig till you find something just for the sake of-well you know what I mean... Those can sometimes feel like haters so with that in mind here are a couple minor if not petty sug. I’m the worse for using extra words as you know so perhaps I am Ballsy and brash and I know the do’s and the don’ts, as opposed to I am brash and I know the don’ts, I say perhaps because it is extremely minor and it may ruin your cadence too much but that and one more are the only minor things I have. The Afternoon teas and living life before it gets cold verse, (it or the weather, the season, or you gets too cold?) was the only weak verse in the poem for me, and I say weak only in comparison to the many strong verses surrounding it. You could lose it as far as my read went though I suspect you are telling me you’d like a little something stronger in the late afternoon, did I read it right? Hope I gave you something to gnarr on and hope to hear more from you soon, you give great critiques yourself and I for one really appreciate your insights, thank you. mk	2012-04-18 17:35:25
white flag up	Ellen K Lewis	Hello Ellen, I just wrote you and sent you some poems but all came back. Perhaps you could email me and then I can write you. ryeminsimon@hotmail.com Now your poem, yes yes yes!!! VERY WELL DONE. I hate to just give a fluffy critique that doesn't offer much in suggestions but this poem reads well, first verse strong enough to pull me in. I have had a very difficult time pasting poems into the entry box. Some lines are missing and then some words and usually at the beginning of a sentence, it was so frustrating I just typed it in word by word and man was that frustrating. Has this happened to you too? I only ask because I thought you might be having the same problem a couple of times. Next to the last verse doesn't needs an apostrophe but that is just tiny stuff if you rewrite or add to another site you can fix it then. I do that all the time so if you ever want to run one by me I'd be glad to proofread for you. Different eyes can find little things better sometimes, i used 2 editors on my book and still things were missed. Faith doom war trust love God were nice ways and words to end verses with and that was a nice touch. I liked the message too and regardless of where it places you should be proud of it. Please write me an e and I will introduce myself. thanks for your comments mk	2012-04-18 11:57:26
JANA BUCK HANKS	Lora Silvey	Thanks for letting us know, my condolances.	2012-04-06 12:10:03
uNseen	DeniMari Z.	Hi Demi, whay an enjoyable read this was. As a reader my mind can take off in many directions when in read this but the final verse takes me to unhappy people oblivious to the good ()and beauty)that surrounds them. Isn't that the whole idea behind poetry? Tpo make the mind's wheels turn. I hope this finishes high, one of the better ones of the month for me anyway. mk	2011-01-05 11:52:59
The Sea Speaks	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, in my humble opinion part of what makes this poem so great is the fact that you live thousands of miles from the nearest sea. I know your mind is sharp as a razor but do you have a photographic memory? You captured the feel and motion of the sea rather well and it makes for an enjoyable read. Welter sent me scrambling for the BIG dictionary and what a word. I have to steal that one. a perfect fit because it describes the ocean water in a tremendous way, but you knew that before I did. Wyomings winds are not anything like the Sea but boy did you write this as if you were sailing. A-1, very good job, mk	2010-12-01 14:04:43
Folded Time	Lora Silvey	There is so much to like about this poem it's hard to begin. Weft! what a fantastic word that one was and perfect use. i only steal from the very best and I will be stealing that one. And ole’ men sit on porch chairs broken and brittle watching smoke rings rise from butted stubs laid carelessly at shine’s bottled edge This is my favorite but only because I so easily identify with old bitter broken men. i got great visuals from all your lines but the butted stubs and shine's bottled edge took me right to a hobo camp though I know that's not what this is about. Doesn't matter to me what it's about it's just a really wonderful read and really you could have gone on and on and on and it wouldn't bother me at all. A nice tidy ending and a wintry feel throughout. No kidding Lara this is one of the better poems I've read in a while. You keep hitting home runs. My only question or suggestion would be share this on other sites and send it out to all you can. great job, mk	2010-12-01 13:52:50
Honestly Speaking	Mandie J Overocker	Nothing wrong with this. I like poems that rhyme more than i should but it really makes this for a better read. pulls your eye along just fine. The underlying current of tragedy is certainly felt and I think that is a positive thing. I can't offer any suggestions or criticisms without getting petty. i enjoyed it. mk	2010-12-01 13:42:28
Skid Marks	DeniMari Z.	Great job on this one. Did you mean in too cool air? I just love the sound of it too cool-One thing you did excellently was capture the feel of halloween even when i read it a month after the fact. Well done. mk	2010-12-01 13:38:16
The Fortune Teller	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, i loved this one. i had just listened to doc watson sing "Gypsy Woman" and the visuals are the same for me. your poem reminds me so much of his song i will have to send you a copy of it so you can see the similarities. My fav line by far was the ring of truth surroundind her lies, yummy. I loved the last line but don't quite understand it, would you explain it to me please? This was a really neat read, something new and exciting. Where'd you get your information? Were you a reader? Did you go to a reader? I am curious and a wonderful job on this one! An 11 on the scale of 10!!	2010-11-14 13:15:07
Midnight Lace	Lora Silvey	Wow, what an intense poem this is! I never read anything without my dictionary handy but you made me get the BIG book out so I'd say your command of the english language is excellent. What did I like? Plenty, firstly i enjoyed the lack of punctuation though normally i think poems without punct. are a sign of laziness I don't feel that here, it works and works well. Normally I find esoteric poems more or less unenjoyable, not so here, once I found the meanings of the words and re-read it it was fine although I am still unsure of what it all means. cereus-a 40' cactus that blooms in the night. What a great visual this is even though I've never seen one, have you? What a great word use this was. I like how this work shifts from simple in the first three lines to very complex and esoteric until the last line. I will go out on a limb here, little death is that part talking about an orgasm or did I miss it completely? I also liked the use of word and phrase throughout, although for me it was a bit esoteric and verbose you did it so smoothly that it was in no way bothersome, does that make any sense to you? What didn't I like, nothing really- I have learned that i don't have to clearly understand the entire work to enjoy and appreciate it. From what I have read this month this should finish very high in the standings unless it's still a popularity contest. This is extremely well written. I am curious, did you know where you were going with this one or did "it" take you there? great poem, look forward to your Indian poems. mk	2010-11-14 13:02:02
Thief	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I hope you are the right lora, Cheyenne told me to read and comment on your poetry so I am. I only found these four poems and of the four this is my favorite. Of all four I only found a typo on the third but i am sure you know about it. I thought Babes first breathes just a tad rough, should it read babe's first breaths instead of breathes? Anyway that is the only thing I can suggest for all four poems. I think (From only four it's tough) one of your strengths is that you can say alot without being verbose or esoteric although I scrambled for a dictionary to see what Ganglia meant. I think many writers feel a need to use big and rarely used words. Most of the time it does not work. my favorite poets are the ones who write like you, it makes the poem more powerful and enhances the pace of the read. You are a very polished poet and I will look for your stuff from now on. Cheyenne told me about how hurt you were last Jan. and although I found a few incredible posts I have not found the exact ones Chey wants me to read. She told me how upset they had gotten you. I wanted to let you know how sorry i am for what happened to you. Although I haven't found the exact post i read abunch of cruel ones. People who don't follow the rules drive off the good poets and we are left with a weaker site and just look at how many are gone. Chris has set this great thing up and some people take it as a life and death struggle. Quantifying poetry is not easy it's mainly personal choice. Hope everything is better and write me anytime you want to talk poetry. Ps Cheyenne did the final edit on my book. let me know if youd like to read it. know you are an excellent poet and don't let anyone deter you from writing. thanx mk	2010-06-22 11:47:44
The Wounded Sea	cheyenne smyth	This is a really exceptional poem. I love the way you leave blame completely out of it, makes the reader able to accept his own. It is extremely well written and belongs in the top few poems ever written on this site and I don't critique often but I read a lot of tpl poems. Be proud and pat yourself on the back as what poet wouldn't be proud to claim this as their own? Exceptional and I would be surprised if this is not #1 for this month. bravo	2010-06-07 16:49:26
New Zealand	cheyenne smyth	I have a freind who was in this country at the same exact time as you. oddly enough she helped edit my first book. She too is an exceptional poet. Could she be you? Are you my friend MT in cognito? Secrets safe with me and an excellent poem by the way. I can see this land I've never seen simply by reading this great poem. mk ps loved hats of white	2010-05-03 11:09:12
Skipping Stones	marilyn terwilleger	I am looking for my fav poem by you and am having trouble finding it but I will. This was probably my 2nd fav. This is really good! I am guessing it is about your husband but maybe not. I really like it regardless. I just read My Muse, That was exceptional!!! mk	2009-04-27 10:12:40
LOVE SONG	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Dear Nancy, nice to meet you. Lucky me you were on the top of my list. I am studying a poetry book right now and I got more out of your notes than the first 50 pages of my book. I will print your poem and notes for further study. As far as the poem itself I find it very tight and excellent I like the last verse best but all are very well written. For me the read was well fit and just a gem. Very poetic with succint phrasing giving a fresh read on a tired subject penned caress is lovely. Again thanks for the notes, my question Nancy is #4 unrhymed, triversen has to be unrhymed?? This is something I'd like to try because it is so crisp of course you've made it look so easy- Thanks again mk	2006-11-14 12:29:32
Little Tilly Tattle Tale and the Mean Men	James C. Horak	James I cant say I completely understand but that doesnt make it any less. Extremely well written I like the chorus am not 100% on the narc part To me yuor strongest part of this poem is the conversational way you start and maintain which made me feel welcome and included Cannot give you any criticism on this one really good job from where I sit. I liked this one more than mothman but I just didnt understand that one I will lok at it again later. mk	2006-11-14 12:17:53
Who Was Reetika?	Latorial D. Faison	Dear Latorial, I will have to look her up as I was ignorrent of this poet. Your poem is really an excellent tribute to her. Very well written. Closing little eyes before her own, how sad. Fantastic ending and I have absolutely no suggestions except that maybe this poem should be read by more people than are on the link. Great Job. mk	2005-06-07 07:22:11
Your Passion	marilyn terwilleger	Dear M. Absolutely a fantastic piece. Great writers say volumes using few words. You have done that here. Spangled sun was very nice. It is hard to mix nature and passion and make it work you have done that here. Best thing I have read this month and I hope you do well with it. Nice Job! mk	2005-05-03 07:08:09
Aleutian Getaway	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, a great one for sure and a fun read but I would have ranked the opal planters ahead of it. Very worthy non the less. smile mk	2005-02-28 12:16:05
Keeper of the Gems	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, I had to read this one when we were mixed up. Most most most excellent job here!!It's (did I do that right?) a total gem. Okay sorry-Truly an A-1 poem. The ending really brings it all together for me but I admit I had to get my dict. out and then do a re-read a few times. As deep as anything you right. I'm impresseed... mk	2005-01-27 17:39:23
Lavender Luminance	Mell W. Morris	Mell, I had been wanting to read this poem and glad I finally did. Easy to see why this won, not one you can understand in one reading. My favs are spondees of purple pain and valid yet voiceless consonants, but there are many more. Vatic and vigorous, restive minds, it's all good. Just wanted to congratulate you on winning and say thanks for the prayers and credits Mell. I hope alls well for you and yours. mk	2004-11-18 17:11:40
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Mark D. Kilburn	Critique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 32 out of 32 Total Critiques.

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