This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-01 10:34:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Dignity, self-love quality  that defines my original design Far worse now than you think I am Yet better than I can percieve Forty plus  of canvas tossed aside Still I  must strive for a  masterpiece Faith the heavy  blanket on a heart in lost and found Faith my ever sustenance will lead me off life's misery go-round To dignity I salute breath stilled suspended in time In honor  of my masterpiece my original  life design

Copyright © June 2005 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-21 06:18:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear DeniMari; I want you to know that I read this piece and enjoyed it tremendously. All thinking humans should have a plan to create something special out of their life... I like your delivery in this piece and especially like the last stanza... Thanks for sharing, Always your friend, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-07-04 16:26:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
What is this life masterpiece? Can it be you? Your children? Or is it real artwork. I'm not quite sure what you mean that you are far worse off for your dignity. Dignity comes from within. Ya gotta hold on to it 'cause sometimes that's all we got! And faith? Well that's a multitudenous question. Really, what is faith? Sometimes I think the ancient Indians had it right. My eyes are giving me signals to quit for the moment. Thanks so much for this cryptic piece. Guess I'm in trouble now.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-22 13:20:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni-Mari: You have picked an important topic for this poem. And your sub-theme is one that keeps coming up in my own life for review, so I could not pass by this chance to comment. I especially like the way you allow the reader’s eye to flow with your words down the page. It gives me the sense of progression, of fluidity, and at the end, hope. There is nothing more important than hope, except of course, love. You have given voice to your own soul’s purpose in this poem. Nothing could be a better topic for poetry. We all learn from reading one another’s poetry – not only how to obey our own poetic impulses, but to listen to that still, small voice that informs our daily walk through life. Dignity, self-love quality that defines my original design I am going to divide this up in order to comment on sets of thoughts. I see that you have left aside extra articles where possible. This adds to the movement of the piece. There is a lovely slant-rhyme in “defines/design” and also “dignity/quality” – a strong cohesive quality throughout the work. On a personal aside, self-love is something that has been brought to my attention by a friend. How to do this. From your critiques, poetry and replies, I believe you to be a person who loves others easily. You refer back to your ‘original design’ as perhaps a reflection of your awareness that your design is divine. But in the following lines, I see the struggle. Seeing your struggle and how you articulate and resolves it helps me with mine. Far worse now than you think I am Yet better than I can (perceive) It’s funny, isn’t it, how others seeing us from the outside think differently of us than we do of ourselves. We ‘clean up’ pretty good, know how to behave ourselves, walk with a certain dignity and friendliness. But even those closest to us may not be aware of our inner conflicts, self-criticisms. I love the way you place yourself in the middle between other’s unrealistic view of you (you say you are ‘worse’), your own view, and your awareness of a higher perception of view, perhaps from the One who made the “original design.” Forty plus of canvas tossed aside Still I must strive for a masterpiece The artist in you (in all of us) must continually create the ‘masterpiece’ that forms our lives. Like our Creator, we are creative beings in every sense. Given the canvases to paint. You’ve already painted “forty plus” of them, but realize that you cannot stop there. Nice slant-rhyme, again, of “aside/strive.” And allits in “still/strive.” Lots of ‘t’ sounds for emphasis of the act of striving. T’s strive. And your fricative v’s are effortful, as well. You do not look back to critique the paintings you have already completed. I am thinking now of Lot’s wife. The metaphor there is striking me just now. Faith the heavy blanket on a heart in lost and found It comes down to obedience of the heart. Is the blanket comforting, or weighing the heart down? If the heart has been in “lost and found” was it given away and dropped, or has it been inactive, waiting for someone or something to love or to receive love from? Faith my ever sustenance will lead me off life's misery go-round Again, attention to poetics is a refined quality of this poem, once more observable in “found/misery go-round” – WOW! One of those lines that could only make me happier if I had written it! Wonderful! Faith in one’s self, in one’s spiritual practice, in the One who gave the original design all sustain the speaker to regain her dignity. To dignity I salute breath stilled suspended in time You recognize your own dignity and honor it with reverence. Each reader may experience this along with you. I salute your dignity and my own. With gratitude. In honor of my masterpiece my original life design. Nothing deserves more honor, in my opinion, than the “original life design.” It is in perfection, already. The Designer has made it and assures us that it will always be so. We can toss aside canvases of the past and continue on our way with assurance that the “masterpiece” will be completed, as planned. I love this poem, Deni-Mari. It reminds me of where I am supposed to be right now. And it is so easily forgotten. Thank you for this splendid poem and your thoughtful exploration of your soul’s purpose. Sustained applause. Brava! My best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-19 18:10:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, This is quite an interesting piece. it flows quickly and the imagery is profound. I like how the first two stanzas seem to rhyme, and would like to see the third rhyme also. but i am not sure what to suggest. it has been a few reads and i still can't quite tell what it is that is missing. It seems well written and not needing anyhing added, but my rhyming mind wants something more.Ilike this one, it makes me think. great work. Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-08 14:18:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMarie, You have so aptly described when so many of us have been through as the bud of youth leaves and maturity rears it's head. All the emotions, what a ride, what a memory of the roller coaster effect it has on ones life, the ups the downs and not a whole lot of in-betweens, and then of course your resolve. This is a much needed piece for all those who have hit that point of change, thank you for writing and sharing with us. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-05 05:22:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poet.....Dignity.....good title for this one.......First of all I have to ask myself what is dignity and have I achieved it yet? Silly as it sounds I still wonder......the old saying 'where's your signity' keeps popping into my mind......Life has many roads that we travel each day and some of those turns might throw us off a bit at times but the inner beauty of oneself usually takes hold and brings us back into least I hope so......I look back at who I was though and find I liked me much better then.....the medical problems I have had recently have clouded my mind, memory and ability to do the things I might want to and in some respect I seem to have lost some of my dignity along the way. We must all go forward though and keep doing what we can, the best we can and hope the faith that has brought us to where we are will take us to the masterpiece we are trying to project before the end of our rime.....thanks for posting, sharing this with us......sorry if I ranted on, the structure was good, word flow and images great. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-06-04 18:18:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, We all want to be masterpieces. And yet for the work to attain that, we won't expend. We want to wake up and be 'wonderful'. Yes/yes/yes. No way will that be. We must be forged through hot flame and then some. Through our misery and grief we learn. The hard way or no way. Sounds like your doing ok. Just thinking of/talking of, puts you on the road. Original as children we are pure but not finished paintings. We're just a picture of sunshine on the canvas of our life. And then we make our picture of self realization. Loved your depth of thought. Good poem, enjoyable. hugs to you, Dellen
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