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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Mandie J Overocker has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 76 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Mandie J Overocker||Critique Date|
|Call The Right Number||DeniMari Z.||Deni, Another great poem from your talented pen! This one dances down the page almost as though your protagonist dances away from the devil...well done, well done! Only suggestions i have would be to help flow in your fourth/fifth verse to remove "a" from before 'meaning.' "Good luck with meaning, never meant to end." and again i would omit the 'a' before 'dark night' in the following verse. Enjoyed this read poet - thank you again! Mandie||2011-08-01 14:24:45|
|As Casual While Nature Meets||DeniMari Z.||Deni, I really like the imagery in this piece. This is well written, with just enough words to capture the visual and not anything in excess. I especially like the line "the pause of light white wonder" - i think it ties well in to your first line " 'Heavenly' heat in Summer". I don't know but something about the light white line makes me think of heaven....this is a remarkable piece. oooh...so many goodies within. Thank you for sharing with us! Mandie||2011-08-01 14:19:33|
|Where||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, I really enjoyed reading this poem...it speaks to me on many levels. I especially feel connected to the lines "I have lost more than I could ever live" as they seem to capture the enormity of grief that I carry regarding my past and at times even my present. Thank you for sharing this poignant piece with us this month. Mandie||2011-08-01 14:08:46|
|"I've Never Lost You"||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This is a fine tribute to your son, Shaun. It flows well and has a soothing lilt as it is read. How more can i critique such a piece from your heart? It is clear that your writing is a means to healing as you remember him and yet continue to walk your journey in this world. Thank you for honoring us with this post this month. Mandie||2011-08-01 14:01:51|
|Prometheus Bound||David Keesey||David, Prometheus, I assume is the writer, finds himself bound to his pragmatism, no by his pragmatism, longing to reach the unreachable, create the piece of all pieces - has he enough skill? skill to write? or perhaps skill to break free and imagine the possibilities of the unimaginable? Why, why would the dreamy fragile starlight push him aside? The writer, Prometheus is left to wonder... Perhaps I am completely off on this, and not sure my words are really describing how I interpret this piece. Regardless I love it! It gave me much to think about and imagine and of course - Imagine....may i only hope the dreamy fragile starlight will not push me aside. I like it - well done! Mandie||2011-03-02 20:06:56|
|Cola||David Keesey||David, This is an ambitious write of desire and passion, want and love. The play, the tug of war to fantasize, but not obsess over the object of your affection. You have penned some delightful images here, and for the most part it flows well. I would suggest shortening some of your lines, or lengthening others, to make the rhythm flow more smoothly. There's so many delicious phrases, I think you could really have an outstanding poem with a little bit more work on this. For example, L4 in verse 1, i stumble, as there seems to be a syllable or two too many. Perhaps try "From shoulder to shoulder 'neath heavenly glow." Just a thought. I got tripped up a few too many times in the first verse, don't know if it just needs punctuation (can't believe i said that...) The other two verses seem better, just a spot or two, that my tongue wants to trip on - Verse three all lines except the last have 10 syllables, the last has 9...in Verse two line 3 and and line 6 have 11 and 12 syllables while the other lines have 10....it seems to throw off the cadence. Just some thoughts. Mandie||2011-03-02 19:50:44|
|I Still Wonder||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Another wonderful piece here filled with vivid imagery and written with such a dream-like context - perfect for the content. You are a master at creating a scene and the oh so subtle rhymes - intended or not - are just enough to lilt the reader in that dreamy state. I love the line "night dreams cause me to pause" - it is amazing how starkly different our night experience can be from our early morning reverie. Perhaps it is neither birth nor death, or perhaps even more, it is both...to wonder is still more divine...Wonderfully done! Mandie||2011-03-02 19:01:48|
|Another Time||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This is a delightful, thought-provoking piece. With occasional rhymes the wisp the reader down the lines and phrases that tell a story and paint a clear picture of time long ago. I imagine if I had to 'go away' until I was better, on the one hand I would be relieved, no pressure to deal with everyday life, just focus on getting well. On the other hand, a lot of what I struggle with has to do with knowing my own self worth, connecting with other people, essentially being okay with 'being seen.' In that case going away until i got better would likely be more of a hindrance to me than a help, as I would just become more reclusive and then become angry that no one could "see" me or know me - all of me - not just the 'happy' and 'okay' mask I wear when I am out around people who have no idea how terribly depressed I am inside. This piece really made me think - a lot...it is well written and true to boot! Gone are the days...Nice job! Mandie||2011-03-02 18:44:46|
|Sun or Shade||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Another accomplished piece of work from you here. I like how this flows and the beautiful story it tells. Your rhymes are spot on. This is a beautiful sonnet - true to form and function. Well done! This is one i have enjoyed reading over and over and will print out to have nearby as a reminder of the love my hubby and I share. Thank you. Mandie||2011-02-19 21:20:28|
|Pretty Things||James C. Horak||James, What a delight to find a post of yours on my list. Your writing is beautiful, seems effortless and paints a wonderful descriptive image of the poet/artist/human soul. I love the line "Where we tie a thread that stays tied, to even moving bullets." Though I must confess I may not know your full intent upon the meaning of this line, it has much meaning to me at least here at TPL. You are a true poet my friend, and a joy to read anytime. Thanks for the pleasure! Mandie||2011-02-19 21:13:09|
|Casual Witness||Lora Silvey||Lora, I am amazed at your talent to bring to life this man in his moment of reverie. The cadence and rhythm of this is superb and seamless. I was right there with you, watching him mindlessly, or mindfully should we say, caress the beads until they fell to the water with his tears. Your writing seems effortless, this is one of my favorites so far this month. Mandie||2011-02-11 20:42:59|
|Patch Her Soul||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, I have read this many times over the last few days. Let me say, I think you have created a magnificent piece of work! Patch by patch this poem ties together a picture of an exhausted soul who has seen way too much pain in this life. Kept together by threads, and yet each trial another piece in the quilt of life. Tattered and worn, this blessed soul strives to find comfort, hope and yet time and again comes up empty handed. I especially like the line 'Sullen clouds and subtle whispers'. So soft in their assonance (sp?) and then the following line 'choke attempts to pray' so rash and hard in comparison - a great effect! Don't know if that was planned, but it works very well. You have done an incredible job in penning this vivid image. Bravo! Mandie||2011-02-11 20:37:39|
|The Dark Passenger Returns||Michael Bird||Michael, This is even more chilling than the first. The way you tell this story is so believable as though you yourself have experienced the visitation of the dark passenger. Another fine piece of prose poetry, haunting, but well done. Scary...though I think that was your intent! Bravo! Mandie||2011-02-09 22:41:30|
|Life Tree A Challenge To Be||DeniMari Z.||Deni, I like this... I like the internal rhymes and the brief lines that carry your image to fruition. I personally love trees and this is one of my favorite poems so far... Thanks for sharing...Mandie||2011-02-07 18:57:34|
|With a Sigh||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, I don't know what to say of this...not sure I fully understand what it is about...feeling a bit duped on it. That said, I do like it, despite not understanding it. I don't know...there's something melancholic about it. I think in line 2 it should read "heart's resolve" otherwise no other complaints. I will have to come back to this a few times...I do believe your title is rather apt as I sighed upon finishing the read. Not sure if that was you're intention or not...but there you have it...Keep writing...I enjoy your style. Mandie||2011-02-07 18:52:26|
|Keeper of Memâ€™ries||Lora Silvey||Lora, this is by far one of your best. The flow and rhythm are smooth and whisk the reader down the page. The bittersweet reminiscence of one you've lost, the longing for guidance, the need for assurance...you've done well with this one. Very well. Mandie||2011-02-06 22:05:54|
|Bathing Anew||DeniMari Z.||Deni, Sweet, interesting read. I don't want to linger on thoughts about form and function...I think you do well getting your vision across with your couplets. And what a wonderful thought "just bathing" making the day fine....the epitome of mindfulness. Something i aspire to do more and more as I get older. Thanks for sharing! Mandie||2011-02-06 22:02:23|
|Waves||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, This is an interesting piece. It seems to swell and fade as the waves in the ocean might. I stumbled a couple times but it may just be me being tired and not altogether here. I'm not sure about the placement/introduction of the seabirds, it seems out of place, though they come with the sea i suppose. just my preference I think i would leave those two lines out as they don't seem to add to your overall story. Just my humble opinion...However, as usual I enjoyed reading your writing. Thanks for posting. Mandie||2011-02-06 21:57:39|
|Fairytale Hell||DeniMari Z.||Deni, Very interesting spin...I have always had a creepy feeling about fairy tales anyway, this just describes my 'fears' that well. With the history I have had, everything I experienced as a child had a double meaning, fairy tales were no exception. Your phrase "draw to my circle" that opens this haunting poem, had an even deeper impact for me given my history of things that occurred in groups that came together in circles...Absolutely chilling. I can't really bring myself together well enough to give your poem the justice it deserves, it has hit that deep of a chord inside of me. I am glad though that you posted it...perhaps I am not the only one who has seen the things I have seen. The words flow well, I have no issues with form or function on this one. Mandie||2011-02-06 21:28:13|
|Seasoned||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, I like this. Short, simple and sweet...flavored just right if i may say so! Wonderful imagery, delicately placed just right. I love the idea of how textures, odors and flavors blend to develop the spirit of one...very intriguing~! I truly enjoyed this read and look forward to more of your writing. Mandie||2011-02-06 21:21:59|
|I Lied||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, No worries my friend...it is an honor to review anything you write. So please keep posting here at the site. It definitely is all about the critique, the poems are foremost a mighty good feat. Yet through sharing our works with one another, we benefit in turn by getting that much better. May you heed your own words and continue to write, so many have read and heard, now they know you are right. Bless you right back~ Mandie||2011-02-06 21:16:49|
|MOON GODDESS||David Keesey||David, You must let me know sometime what format you are using in your poems. It works very well. It is not easy to capture rhymes within formal syllable structure, yet when one reads your work it seems as though you do it with ease. This is a beautiful poem. The imagery vivid and fantastical. So many delicious phrases it is impossible to pick a favorite. I read in awe and am inspired. Well done my friend, well done. Mandie||2011-02-06 21:09:08|
|BONES||David Keesey||David, This could be a sonnet should you add two more lines... I like the rhyme, subtle, not forced. the rhythm is right on. You paint such a unique picture, I can almost follow your spark, the dancing flame as it travels among your bones making your flesh ripple and rattling your limbs. Very interesting~ well done! Welcome to TPL - it is nice to see new writers here. Mandie||2011-02-06 20:54:40|
|Interlude with a Murderer||Michael Bird||Michael, Wow, this is stark, chilling...scary how well you get into the mind of what I presume to be a serial killer. Your description seems spot on and as cold as the bloody murderer that he/she is. I must confess I was slightly thrown by the reference to the dark passenger as it seemed to be different entity from the murderer but also the murderer himself. perhaps that was the point. How the murderer is a dark passenger within a person that everyone else sees as normal...aha...if that be the case, then BRAVO...you have truly nailed it. Eerie ~ but very well done! Mandie||2011-02-06 20:08:55|
|The Forest||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, this is an easy read with unforced rhymes that move the reader down the page with grace. The images and sounds you have created here bring me right into the forest and remind me of my favorite place to be - in nature. You have written so many wonderful phrases I can't pick only one as my favorite...I really like "the forest whispers scatter ebbing rays", "wings of breeze", "leaves that dance on air", "chiming ripples" and "where folds of night and streams of sun exist". Actually I like the entire poem...nicely done! Mandie||2011-02-06 19:39:21|
|Ethereal Watermark||Lora Silvey||Lora, What a moving, touching piece about the longing for one who has gone before us. Your words paint an ethereal picture drawing from the tortuous night of longing through to the dream-scape in which we can somehow meet with those who have moved on to the morning you awake almost feeling your loved one holding you though reality begins to sink in as the day dawns and you realize your loved one is but ashes in the urn and a celestial breath whispering in your mind. Nicely done. Fine writing as usual from your pen. I pray you find peace through your writing. Mandie||2011-02-06 19:34:34|
|uNseen||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This reminds me so much of me mid-night smokes. Those times when i awaken in the middle of the night and go out on the porch to have a smoke. You have penned this image perfectly. Unless of course i am just reading my own interpretation into this. Who knows, perhaps there is more to it than that...but i'd like to think it is about that quick smoke that no one sees...Well done! Mandie||2011-02-06 17:09:26|
|Snow Grains Will Change||DeniMari Z.||Deni, This is very poetic indeed. I don't know if it is just way beyond my ability to interpret, or i am tired...I love the images you have created with your pen, but i feel i am missing something more than the imagery you create. I like the last stanza a lot. and the anticipation foretold by the the image of a dog wagging its tail...but i am not sure i get the title...that said i still like this a lot. Mandie||2011-02-06 17:06:36|
|Here - After||Mary J Coffman||Mary, I love this! This is incredible poetry ~ your words glide smoothly down the page. the images you paint with your pen press into my imagination and i am carried away into the here-after. absolutely exquisite. I am at a loss for words, for you have written this so beautifully. I don't even know where to begin. I wouldn't change a thing! I love how it starts with a concrete image of pizza crust and transforms into more dream-like images like soft clouds of illusion. Splendid! Thank you for posting this. Mandie||2011-02-05 14:31:28|
|Folded Time||Lora Silvey||Lora, Incredible~such vivid images and brilliant poetry. This needs no rhyme for it flows perfectly. Folded Time is such a creative title - apt for this piece. As a photo kept in a wallet has been folded time and time again, memories fold in our minds and it seems we come to know things again and again. I like how you start out describing Nature, and slowly transition and yet don't to describing people. It is so subtle it sneaks up on you at the end in the last verse when you change to first person and makes me want to read it again and again. Great job! Mandie||2010-11-28 22:13:57|
|Monarchs Are Worth Saving||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, This is an amazing, beautiful piece on the Monarch butterfly. I journeyed with her through your words, I flew on the currents and grew tired alongside her. Now, I as a poet am always looking, or better, reading in to things and seeking the double meaning of the written word. I can't help but wonder if your poem here is truly just about the Monarch butterfly or something else altogether. Your title leads me to believe that it could be either, Monarchs could refer to women who head a family. Your poem then takes on an interesting spin as everything becomes a metaphor. if this was your intent then you have truly written a magnificent piece...either way it is excellent. Cheers~ Mandie||2010-11-28 21:57:03|
|Shattered Orange||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Another poignant piece about the process of remembering and letting go of those who have gone before us. Your subtle rhyme pulls the reader through the verses and an uplifting note of hope to end. Grief and sorrow are, for me, such insurmountable feelings, but you have done well expressing them here and giving voice to these turbulent and longing emotions. Well done! Mandie||2010-11-28 21:50:28|
|Thankful Days Walk||DeniMari Z.||Deni, A delightful, refreshing piece. It is good to see your post again. This flows well and the images speak clearly. "...as the colors mesmerize the holidays before our eyes." Thank you for this line, it gives me a way to express a boding anxiety that i often feel in the autumn/fall. Holidays are not always easy, yet I love autumn. your line, for me, describes how something wonderful can send me into a tale spin of something not so great. But yet, still within "damned good reasons of life remain." Thanks for this write! Mandie||2010-11-28 21:45:39|
|Dancing Days||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, This is a gem. I love the images you have penned here and there seems to be a subtle rhyme here and there - just enough to whet the appetite. I think your title is perfect...how true when we get caught up in the 'dance' that we sometimes don't realize what is really happening around us. And Earth, our life on it, can certainly be entrancing at times...A delightful read - well done! Mandie||2010-11-21 09:53:40|
|The Sea Speaks||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, Brilliant! your rhymes are perfect and the meter too. I love how the words and phrases in this just roll off the tongue just as waves roll onto the beach. I like how you tie in the end rhymes in the last stanza in the middle of the line (and laud the 'nave' where first I knelt). Now, I know you have mentioned before that you struggle to write free verse, but may I say, not to worry, not to worry for you write brilliant structured rhymes. :)The images portrayed with the flair of your pen are wonderfully vivid - I want to reach out and touch the sea, hear the sea, be swept away by the sea. Thanks for an enjoyable read. Mandie||2010-11-16 16:03:27|
|Gravestones||cheyenne smyth||cheyenne, How can one critique such a heart wrenching rendering such as you have offered us here. I want to reach out and offer you comfort in your sorrow during this time as you remember your loss. As i type this now I see a line above "rising up is difficult" and can't help but think that this line has such a double meaning in your poem. Yes after such a difficult loss, rising up is difficult, (not to mention rising up from creaking knees). I hope you will find, or perhaps you already have, that peace and solace comes in waves and there will be times that the tears seem to flood your eyes, and other times when you wonder when last you cried. Though i have not lost a husband, I have experienced significant loss and have had to come to terms with the loss of my own children at a very young age. At the time I was unable to even handle 'knowing' the loss, as i got older i have had to deal with remembering their story and ultimately grieving their loss. What you have written here seems to have truly come from your soul, where that healing is growing and slowly mending your grief. Your husband is with you in spirit - you clearly seem to know this as you hear his voice on the winds. Hold fast to the love you two shared and know that some time you will meet in spirit once again. As far as technicality - the only thing i want to say is your words deliver stunning images that are as real as the feelings held within your writing. Well done! Mandie||2010-11-10 23:01:20|
|Pachyderms & Jackasses||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, Well said! It is such a sad state that we live in today and the 'wolves' in washington and elsewhere in the nation certainly don't seem to mind those of us whom they represent and supposedly serve. Your metaphor is apt and sadly your poem a portrait of America as it stands today. Thank you for bravely posting this brilliant piece. Mandie||2010-11-10 22:40:45|
|It must be time to write a poem||Mark Andrew Hislop||Mark... This is great. Fun light and yet truly well spoken about the drive to write poetry. I love your line '...The post-restructure peace I seek is writing little dirges.' And you penultimate stanza certainly is in a word - penultimate! :) How creative and playful! Your use of rhyme is perfectly placed and the meter flows well as one is whisked along the lines. And indeed - 'it must be time to write a poem!' Love it! Mandie||2010-11-08 16:54:58|
|Mortal Soul||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, I think this is brilliant! you employ such image provoking descriptive phrases that are undoubtedly poetic. I sense such pain and yet towards the end a glimmer of hope as there is movement, life unfolding, "where once there was none." Could this refer to a new life created? or perhaps the re-igniting of the soul who had once 'died' in the dark depths of despair? This write leaves me with the thought that there was something very horrible that occurred, and yet, despite this tremendous pain, healing has begun. Thank you for sharing. Mandie||2010-11-08 16:49:12|
|Windjammer||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, I am not sure how you did it, but this poem seemed to flow with a rhyme all its own. I had to look back over it several times to be sure there was no specific rhyme scheme as it seemed to flow so well I was certain it rhymed as well. You do a beautiful job leading the reader on a vivid journey fraught with the torment of the sea and then calmed by the soothing waves of that same sea. This poem has much movement and momentum and brings the reader from line to line, this reader eagerly awaiting to see the fate of the "Windjammer." It was truly a treat to read. Great imagery "calming waters soothed the ship like cradles rock a sleeping babe" and your use of personification is indeed masterful: clouds that speak, a whimper that splashes, a sail that sighs, a ship that clings to life. Truly amazing! Great writing! Mandie||2010-09-13 22:30:05|
|A Trip or Two and Fall||DeniMari Z.||DeniMari, I like this...I have read it and reread it several times and can't quite put my finger on just what it is that strikes me so about this poem. I think, I have decided, it is that there are many possible ways to interpret this piece...from your title, this poem could be about someone tripping down a hall and eventually falling, but if i remember you well, your poetry if more profound than that. I have a gnawing sense that this hints at child abuse of some sort, perhaps sexual abuse..."alone and calmly demure" The child alone in her room, innocent and pure, unaware of the danger that lurks in the hall..."blinded in absence" she does not see the danger of one that is not there...but on she holds in high regard but sadly shouldn't "of useless regard." The last line leaves me to wonder on this theme, but also leads me to wonder on others...so many possibilities. Is it about students in a library, or perhaps someone who "open[s] a gateway of life lines unbarred" through psychic travel? and where are the vacated floors that this person or soul is inching and slipping down? I must admit I was tripped up by the following lines "Master universe shaking, by lights dimmed. Under clouded silence, widen nailed defines to escape modern morals" I am not sure if it is the meter or rhyme or that I lost the imagery as I read these lines...but something about them I think may suggest a closer look? or perhaps you could explain to me? I do like your writing and look forward to reading some more. I hope I am not completely off target... Cheers~ Mandie||2010-09-13 22:21:02|
|Rungs||Mell W. Morris||Mell, This is an incredibly brilliant piece of writing. The flow is flawless and the rhyme scheme just wisked me away. I was captivated from word one by the poignant imagery throughout the poem. Thank you for sharing this with us here at TPL...you are a true blessing here and i look forward to reading your writing. May you find peace and wellbeing in your corner of the world. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:47:32|
|haiku (snowplow)||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, This is an interesting piece that kind of dissolves like the fractal piece but different in a way. You keep true to haiku form, and paint a vibrant image. Good job here. Not much else to say on this one. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:43:52|
|Unknowing||Dellena Rovito||UNKNOWING A curious and excellent title - it drew me right in I'm not sharing... This line makes me wonder if the writer wants to undo the sharing she has already done...as if to unknow what she already knows... My mouth is full of words unspoken I am full up, of emotions untold. Behind my eyes lay layers of hidden thoughts. in therapy i often find myself full of words unspoken...i love these three lines...they speak so loudly of the resistance with in myself when recognizing the pain in my life, the tragedies things i want never to speak of again...yet need to be spoken to give honor to the experiences i've had and the parts of me that got me through...to speak my truth, though sometimes i wish i didn't know my truth... You think you know me, but you can't. If I don’t know myself, than how could you? Do I know you? I am positive not. Ah, how well can anyone truly know us, and certainly so if we don't know ourselves, or we keep ourselves from knowing. How can one know you if you do not share with them, if you are hiding from the truth of your life? Glimpses into the midst of all that obscurity will only tell what is allowed to show. If we won't say, opportunity goes. I surely must know someone …anyone…… Dellena, You have written another remarkable piece. Thank you for sharing this with us at TPL. I may be way off the mark with my comments above, but this piece really struck me at a deep level. As a survivor of cult/ritual abuse, there are many things i have remembered over the years that i wished i could unremember, unknow. You musings on how someone can know you, and the description of one holding things back and not sharing with others are very well put. There is so much i want to tell you that this poem makes me think about. The countless times i have sat frozen, my mouth like it was wired shut with invisible wires, or a steel plate slapped over it. Trying to not know the truth that was staring me in the face. IF i didn't share anymore then maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have to know it anymore. Oh wow...you've done an incredible job on this piece. Thanks again, Mandie||2005-07-07 15:42:07|
|I'll Call Him Bob||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, Yes, let's call him "Bob". I love how you have titled this piece. I do not work in a hospital, but have a good friend who does for 12 hour shifts. I have heard many a story of her patients, all touching my heart in one way or another. You have captured the brief moment of interaction that can occur to anyone who is open to the opportunity and who opens their heart to others. This prose narrative tells a story of just one of those countless souls who you come into contact throughout each Wednesday. It could be the story of a thousand patients, but this one has been remembered and you have created a beautiful tribute to him. I like the free verse style as it lends to the narrative style of the poem and creates a story picture. You employ everyday thoughts we use to describe people in our lives, but they bring a uniqueness to this patient. IT matters not whether you know his name, in that brief moment, you met his soul and i am certain as you recall that moment as fondly as you do, i am sure he does too. Thanks for sharing this with TPL. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:25:35|
|Listen to the Animals||Claire H. Currier||Claire, This is a great piece offering a message which must be heeded if we are to learn at all from Mother Earth and her creatures. Animals have an amazing ability to sense when things are up, not only in nature but also in their owners. How important it is for us to "Listen to the animals" as this poem is aptly titled. The free structure of your writing lends itself to the narrative style of this piece and kept this reader jumping from line to line in anticipation of the story's tale. (no pun intended) You have accomplished depicting the scene of animals preparing, hunkering down, for one of nature's storms and portrayed the scene with such poignancy your note was unneccessary for this reader. (however it was a nice reassurance that I read/understood the poem overall.) Thanks for sharing this with us here. Mandie||2005-07-07 15:18:41|
|Passion's Mercy||Cindy D. Clayton||Cindy, I can only imagine what this poem is about. I love the way you incorporate all the senses, Eyes, Lips, Ears, Hands...what do you smell? The images i get are of two lovers joining together in passion, one or maybe both brought to tears because of the beautiful 'intensity' of the act of making love. This is remarkably portrayed in the lines "Sweet rhythmic motion Intense closeness ridding tears" And then the eighth line supports this as well, "Sin fades to emotion" So often we see the act of making love as a sin, but in close moments such as the one you had described here the emotional connection surpasses that thought. There does seem to be an undertone of melancholy, almost as if the speaker has been hurt in the past and the close connection felt in this act is not only deep but also a painful reminder of a past experience, perhaps one in which making love had been forced and the connection was absent. "Give me my sin again" makes me think of my own experiences where as i connect with my husband on a deeper emotional level as opposed to just 'making love' because of my own dark past, i start to feel guilty and get scared and want to go back to just 'going through the motions' it is easier to deal without the painful emotions surfacing. But then i feel less alive...i hear a pleading in that last line, almost a bargaining...the emotional connection may be deep so deep that i am willing to work past my pain and connect with you again. That last line also portrays that this is an issue one lover deals with, as the words say give me my sin...indicating that one thinks it is a sin to make love. this would follow in the wake of one who may have been abused earlier in life and thinks it is a sin to make love. I don't know if i am way out there with this one, but it is how my mind read this. I am so sorry if the speaker in this poem has been hurt in the past, and yet happy that the speaker is learning to trust again. I think your title is very befitting here as it indicates the new found description of making love...passion instead of the older way of thinking about it as a sin. It flows well and the rhyme scheme is so subtle that it assists the flow without standing out...the talent of a great writer here. This is a great piece...thank you for posting and sharing it with us...forgive me if i have completely missed the mark here. Mandie||2005-06-28 06:36:25|
|Tonight||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, what a precious gem you have here. lilting and soothing, soaring too. i love the references to the earth and the characterization of the wind. it all works well together...tell me as i am curious, is this a cinquain...and if so, in writing cinquain can the writer choose how many syllables in the middle three lines? I thought they were supposed to be kept to 2 syllables in first and last lines, and 4, 6, 8 in the middle three lines in that order...Am i wrong? if so how wonderfule, it would make writing cinquain that much easier...any way just wondering...keep posting these juicy bits! Mandie||2005-06-27 15:31:03|
|Pablo’s daughter||Mark Andrew Hislop||What an intriguing piece we have here...I love your descriptive questions...the choice between painting and poetry...which is she? And who is she...perhaps she is both? is that possible. The flow and meter work well here as do the occasional rhymes. I assume this is free verse and would be interested to know some background on this poem. What prompted you to write it? what was your inspiration, aside from Neruda and Picasso? I love how this leaves me with questions it leads me to want to read more of your work. Thanks for sharing this with us and posting here.... Cheers. Mandie||2005-06-26 03:38:08|
|Prideau Malraux on 65th Street||Michael J. Cluff||I understand Malraux, but I wonder if Prideau, was meant to be Prie-deau? I had to look these words up to understand the meaning of this poem, and i am still quite lost. I imagine you are describing some scene you saw on the street? Great descriptive images...my mind wonders just what possibilities the fly is open to...I keep falling on one i'd rather not consider...Interesting read...challenged me. Thanks for posting, keep writing. Mandie||2005-06-26 00:23:27|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Mandie J Overocker||Critique Date|
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