This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-06-08 07:29:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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ASHES

You have long gone home, my hero I need no more be bound to thee Reluctantly, I set you free To be scattered cross this land Your one time home  But, no more my hero These ashes, gray Empty of spirit Heavy in memory Freed from my hand  Finally shall lift, fly free To where your spirit soars What remains, is dust Dry cinder, all that I hold But it; can not hold me  Lovingly, I set you free To release this angst Inside of me

Copyright © June 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-06-26 17:27:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Nancy, Nice job...... Ashes, aptly named. To be scattered [a]cross this land I like: But it; can not hold me Lovingly, I set you free To release this angst Inside of me No problems here. It shows your grief, your anger, your peace. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-22 18:32:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95652
Nancy: It seems almost a sacrilege to comment upon so sacred a poem as this. And yet I can do no other. It would be wrong to read it and experience its depths without offering something in return. It is one of the most moving elegies I have read, anywhere. And a statement of reclamation of the self after great loss. Reading it aloud as I have several times over, I am moved more with each repetition, as varying layers of the poem reveal themselves. In my estimation, this is the mark of great poetry, that it uncovers more to the reader over time. The first line alone, with its tender voice, and 3 soft ‘h’ sounds lifts me out of the ordinary realm of things. Then, with the second line, the poem could be complete as a couplet. Again, with the first three lines, and the first four as a stand alone quatrain. I never see this. With the fifth line, set apart below the first four, it is a poem that could really take any reader to profound depths. And feel finished. But you are not writing for the general reader, I believe, but for yourself, and for those who have said similar good-byes. The poem seems to turn early on, in L6. “But, no more my hero” Here is where I felt my heart rise again, after its moments of wrenching recognition. An ending to grieve, at least the acute part of it. A release of the heavy burden of continual mourning. Grief work. Called appropriately as such because it takes all of one’s concentration and energy as nothing else can do. Those who have not walked this way may not recognize the complete reality of which you write. The release, with the soft ‘h’ sound again, is reverently spoken. The softness of the r’s, the title given to the loved one (suggests someone who served in the military, as does the entire poem) honors the memory and yet reveals the speaker as someone who has decided to reclaim life. I do not wish to minimize this loss in any way. These ashes, gray Empty of spirit Heavy in memory Freed from my hand Finally shall lift, fly free To where your spirit soars A release of the ashes and a release of the one mourned, reclamation of one’s own self from the ashes is astonishing, compelling in image and in the powerful energy I sense here. “What remains, is dust” This evokes “Dust thou art, to dust returneth, was not spoken of the soul” --HW Longfellow But it is the enjambment in the following lines which moved me to my core: ”But it; can not hold me Lovingly, I set you free” The ashes of the loved one can no longer hold the speaker in a loving embrace. She sets him free, lovingly, at last. To release this angst Inside of me Nancy, I am moved to tears. What does life hold before the speaker now? Freedom to release suffering, freedom to embrace the fullness of a life which lies before her. Magnificent in every way. Brava!! My best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-21 11:13:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Nancy, Wow - what an amazing collection of images and thoughts. you have captured the essence of spreading one's ashes so eloquently, i am awed at your artistry. i feel less than able to comment, much less critique this beautiful work. The structure lends us to read smoothly from one line to the next, the brevity kept my attention the whole way through. I felt like i was right there with you as you lifted your hands to release your loved one. And how bittersweet, we can hold andd release that one, those ashes, yet they can not hold and release us in return, but perhaps our release comes as we release them. I love what you've done here. Thank you for the read. Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2005-06-11 07:36:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Nancy: This is such a touching poem, and I know how hard it is to let go of something that you love -- God knows I do. Anyway, I think you are speaking of someone close to you who became cremated as opposed to the typical buriel. I can tell you (right now) that the longer you hold on to something that is not there (no matter the case), then the more painful and lingering it becomes. This is an emotional piece; I find it difficult to go over the more technical aspects of the poem. You do not seem to have any particular rhyme scheme, and I think you may have been emotionally distraught when you wrote this piece. You made... like three mentions of the word 'free', and that is quite a bit considering the length of this poem. I think that if you broke your lines into stanzas and made up your mind as to how (rhyme or no rhyme) you actually wanted it to be, then it would be better. I am going to give you a partial example: My hero, you have long gone home - [the word 'home' can be difficult for rhyming intentions...'hero'-worse] I can no longer be bound to thee For within my heart, I've set you free. I scattered you across this land; You well deserved my loving hand. But never could you hear my plea, 'Till I bled my heart upon the sea. This, of course, should be in your own words. Thanks for sharing. Donna
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-09 11:22:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Nancy Ann, Your thought carries through your writing, and the message at the end reminds me of a fable...always a lesson to be learned no matter how bitter-sweet the lesson is. It has a rhyming to it in a sense, a hidden melody even with all that it depicts. Yes, hero's pass on, and so often with the passing of anyone, it is also a re-birth or our spirits, but that is something that so often is left unspoken. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-08 15:11:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy, This poem grabs me deep inside as I read it over and over. I am not sure if your "hero" is a relative or a husband or a lover but his memory has held you captive long enough and now it is time to let him go to fly free where his spirit soars andd that in itself will relieve the grief, remorse, and anxiety that you are feeling now. I have lost both of my parents and my husband and to let go is a monumental task to say the least. This piece is well written with a theme that wrenches the gut of the reader with its emotion and soft resignation...very well done....'these ashes, gray empty of spirit heavy in memory freed from my hand finally shall lift, fly free to where your spirit soars'....If I had to choose (and I'm gald I don't) these would be my favorite words. I felt the same emotion when I buried my husband's ashes when I read these beautiful words. You may wonder why I had them burried...I just had to have a place to go where I could sit and see his name engraved in granite. There I can talk to him, take him flowers, and even though I know he is not there it has a calming effect. He has been gone for several years and I have since moved on and have a nice life but he will always be a part of me which I can't deny. Lovely poem and I am so glad I found it! I wish you well in all that you do...and please keep writing as you surely have a talent for the written word. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-08 12:02:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Nancy.....his is so filled with emotion....good structure, word flow, images of the person even before the passing and the remains of ashes to hold onto......it must take some doing to be able to finally set someone free even knowing their spirit has been set free since the day of passing......Mama still sits on the bureau in her old bedroom which now looks like a little girls room......part of her is buried along with daddy but I could not let her go........my daughter has a part of her too in a locket she wears around her neck keeping her close to her heart.........where I live in Massachusetts it is against the law to scatter ashes.....I know Jerry's aunt when cremated wanted to be scattered in some water near Boston......the funeral director completed her wishes in the middle of the night under the cover of darkness...can you imagine in this day and age? I am sorry for the passing of your hero Nancy and I am glad you are able to finally set him free.......he is free to now enjoy the Heavenly garden we hear so much about.....thank you for posting, hope you are enjoying nice weather......summer has landed here in Tully....God Bless, Claire fly free To where your spirit soars these words particularly touch my soul...........what a beautiful picture this paints by itself....thank you again........Claire
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