This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-06-15 06:20:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Falling From You
It was you
Who first said, “falling”.
And reaching out
To catch you
In a loving embrace
I found that I
Was “falling” too.
I held on
Believing that we
Were falling at
the same pace.
You let go, leaving me
To fall alone
From that embrace.
Had you not
First whispered “falling”
I would still have
Fallen through.
But then I would have been
Falling for, not
Falling from, you.
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Copyright © June 2005 Rick Barnes
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-07-02 15:14:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Rick,
This strikes me as sssoooooooo romantic. She was 'such' you would have still fallen for her.
And if she hadn't said, you would be still vieing for her love.
I think you could still 'get' her. Vie harder.
I feel theres something to work for.
If she 'started falling' that means somethings there.[always]
So forget the pulling back........means nothing.
Do you 'care' enough? That's the dance......
FALL!
Good job, thanks for pulling me in.
Loved 'it'
Hugs,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-25 23:44:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42105
Rick...
This is a beautiful piece, eloquently written. Your rhyme scheme and structure works effortlessly and the story flows vividly through each stanza. 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 3,5,4,3,6,4,4 you have created a lovely beat and kept it true throughout the piece. The title nicely fits the work and the imagery and metaphorical appeal is intense. I can literally see two lovers falling for each other, or falling away. Even the image of 'jumping out of an airplane' comes readliy to mind and how perfect as falling in love can often give the same rush as that. I imagined two lovers jumping from a plane and holding tight, then letting go and falling from each other instead of towards one another or for one another. I know you don't mention airplane here, but that is what my mind created as i read this one. I love the metaphor and imagery and wouldn't change a thing!
Cheers,
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-21 16:59:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Rick,
Wow, you encompassed a whole gamit of emotions for me, that child like quality of innocense we all want to hold onto:
It was you
Who first said, “falling”.
And reaching out
To catch you
In a loving embrace
to the trickery or fickle emotions people today seem to have:
I held on
Believing that we
Were falling at
the same pace.
You let go, leaving me
To fall alone
From that embrace
onto where we all inevitably conclude:
Falling for, not
Falling from, you.
I thouroughly enjoyed this poem, it offered a glimpse of what I think many young people are dealing with today. Well structured and a good read.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-06-19 09:04:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Rick,
I haven’t critiqued one of your poems for quite sometime. I did e-mail you recently but assume you have been busy. You’re poetry always inspires me and you have such a talent (as I am sure you are aware of) to gain others attention to them.
I have to assume this is from a time when you gave yourself, possibly, completely to someone and at first, they were ready to commit to you, as they said those words, “I am falling for you”! (I fell for you as a poet long ago!) and you took those words to heart. Not easily, but in reality, you were falling in love yourself. (If this truly is a love lost story.) When two people have that yearning for one another, it is always wonderful when they fall at the same measure. When one loves, it is so easy to believe the other feels the same way yet there is often an unknown in the inner being of one another. I can see in your poem, the falling, as if there were hearts floating in the air, floating to down or up to find the connection of being one.
Then, as one searches so hard, they may find their heart floats in a different pattern, which certainly leaves the other heart in a state of distress. A heart rootless at this new time may look at itself as being the only one “reaching” to embrace the other. The one, no matter what, may possibly cling to the tenderness of the other regardless of how the other feels or where they go.
Rick, you always have that way to touch another’s heart and soul. I have always admired you and always will. I loved your poem!
With fond thoughts,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-16 15:56:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91429
Falling From You..........sad poet when you fall in love and you are all alone.......falling from you is a good title for this one indeed........structured well, your word flow brings forth emotions both hearty and strong to begin with then sad for you were following your heart and listening to the beat of both of you when indeed she was not there as you were..........
It was you
Who first said, “falling”.
And reaching out
To catch you
In a loving embrace
I found that I
Was “falling” too.
this is so soft and touching to your soul.....you can actually see the person falling perhaps in a faint kind of way and there you are reaching out, catching her in a gentle embrace for you were falling too.......
I held on
Believing that we
Were falling at
the same pace.
You let go, leaving me
To fall alone
From that embrace.
again to me your tone is soft, there is no anger within you, disappointment perhaps, a longing to belong and to want your feelings returned.......yet it seems she just was able to walk away, to allow you to be alone,
still perhaps feeling her touch, smelling her scents, from that one embrace.....
good closing stanza too poet in which you admit that you would have falling either way whether she was there falling with you or not......for there was something that attracted you to her and perhaps she to you in the beginning........sad it did not take hold and go........perhaps the timing was just not right.
Thanks for posting and sharing with us........I am sure this will touch the hearts of many who have been there .......memories are bursting forth of my first love in eighth grade.....of course I fell head over heals in love and he went on to become a priest......imagine that.......Catholic upbringing back then was more powerful then feelings of other sorts I guess......
God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-16 15:44:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Dear Rick,
The clear sentiments of lost love, come through in this poem. It's very touching, and sad with hopes of a reconciliation not in the immediate future. Your piece flows well, and I love the rhyming scheme of pace and embrace, that being my favorite line in this piece. The first stanza shows me, two people who were falling in love? that's how I percieved it. Then the relationship comparison - one thinking it was equal and the other drifting away from the relatioship. Nice job with this stanza - clear comprehendability with an impact of emotion to the reader!
All in all this is an enjoyable read - that I'm glad you took the time to post. (Hoping the writer has moved on and is not heartbroken).
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-16 08:17:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Hi Rick,
I'm sure all those who have stopped by to read this have 'fallen' into it. For me, this piece takes on the added significance of a reflection of recent days gone by when I too endured a falling away with the one I love. And much like you, I was falling too, falling alone from that embrace, falling for and falling from.
You have taken the high hopes, the expectations, the grandeur of falling in love with someone and set it reeling down a rabbit hole to the pits of disappointment, betrayal, broken trust, etc. Indeed, you do give a very real and symbolic sense of the 'falling' you allude to. You paint a vivid picture of the darker side of love.
The first verse, when the eyes first met, when the love was recognized, sets the stage for this free-fall. You raise the pedestal to the dizzy heights of that first spark when everything seemed perfect and prepare the reader for his drop.
The second verse, and the cracks begin to appear. You hold on..tight...but in love one can hold on however much he/she wants but in vain. It's a two way street and the traffic never flows one way in love. It's a game of a give and take on both sides of the fence...or else it can seldom refer to a 'loving' relationship.
She casts you off and renders you frozen in disbelief, hopes dashed.
The third verse, the thud is a loud one. You question that unwarranted raise in expectations. You would have preferred to fall for rather than fall from..her.
Beautifuly written. What strikes me most is the simplicity you employ to depict a deep theme such as this, which is a craft in itself. I haven't any suggestions for this one except for a whole lot of applause and appreciation. Again, amazing job!!
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-06-15 14:37:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
popignant and clever and wise - you capture well that feeling of vulnerability that
is the saddest part of any relationship's end. Best to you always
held on
Believing that we
Were falling at
the same pace.
You let go, leaving me
To fall alone
From that embrace.
ah - yes - this is why it is so very painful - the inequality of the experience for
the two people
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-15 09:42:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello, Rick Barnes!
As always, your new poems are a major event for me. This one gives me
the sensation of ‘falling’ down the page. And recalls for me times in my
own life of separation or painful endings of relationships. Your poems
are very engulfing, somehow, as if you are inviting the reader into a
psychological/emotional space as inhabited by you but accessible to
them. I cannot tell if it is me imagining I am experiencing your own
experience or me experiencing my own. <Dang, that’s convoluted!>
"Falling From You"
The delicacy of the title aptly prepares the reader for a RB poem, one
of romance and of intense ‘passia’ – as you we have discussed.
It was you
Who first said, “falling”.
And reaching out
To catch you
In a loving embrace
I found that I
Was “falling” too.
It interesting how that word captures the sensation of ‘falling in love’
which is a sort of freefall into a vortex that is irresistible. And at the
time of the ‘falling’ we do not care. Crashing seems an impossible
idea. Only relevant to those who do not understand the concept of
“loving embrace.” (Fools!) Maybe it’s like the sensation one would
have if individual consciousness could be joined with the All, with
all other creatures, or truly, any other human. Sometimes not lasting,
but often there comes that moment of equilibrium, which can either be
maintained or not. I think love may truly be something supernatural.
<smile>
I held on
Believing that we
Were falling at
the same pace.
You let go, leaving me
To fall alone
From that embrace.
Now it really is freefall. The shock of realization that there is no one
there with you, but you are still falling. Scary as hell! The other
person let go after you had placed your complete trust in them.
Sometimes we are the one doing the letting go, trying not to look down
to see if the parachute opened for the one who is falling downward at
a faster rate than we are.
Had you not
First whispered “falling”
I would still have
Fallen through.
But then I would have been
Falling for, not
Falling from, you.
A moment of communication before the hands let go. Time to adjust
one’s rate of speed, look for a soft place to land. Nevertheless, no
place is soft enough. Letting go – the hardest thing we are ever
called upon to do as humans, in my estimation. Either way –
whether the speaker has "fallen through", whether “for” her,
or falling “from” her, you here describe an exquisitely painful
descent. Only you, Rick. Once again, amazing.
Initiate of having fallen,
Joanne
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