This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-23 21:39:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Day 4 (revised)

Four days ago i came here trapped within my trepidation. Voices screaming left and right inside my head and out. Naive i may have been  but unaware at best, no cuts, no tablets swallowed  could rupture as their words. Two days since stripped away the mask which held it all together, as tears blinked back and pieces tumbled through restless nights of brutal hell. Shower droplets were daggers disclosing a blemished canvas. Visions piercing the eclipse shattered my picture perfect reminiscence. And now four days hence, the rawest most sensitive pieces of my soul  have just been prodded and pulled about  into an exposing, burning sun. I hurt deeply. I hurt too much. i ache far below.  And long for my cherished veil which secrets long disguised. encompassing and protecting, the memories i've worked so hard to retain without a thought. Suddenly for all to survey as I must give account. The group, intense, it meets; each member nods approval. A couple more days from the docs, my safety their concern. The shower still cuts like ice but shatters my confusion Brings back a reality,  unfortunately not an illusion. A contract's all they want if a promise I could give. What i would do to return  and be ignorantly in bliss again. You can have my memory if i can leave this place. But when I reach for my shade as comforting as others are, the faintest whimper does arise. Brilliant once burning recollections, now provide a glimmering desire. Fragile, delicate yet growing strong will comfort and corroborate, with time I see, the screaming rage and validate what once was thought my madness.

Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
I originally submitted this five years ago, then came back and revised it two years ago, however, with no critiques. Trying once again. This was written during a time when I was recalling the experience of being hospitalized when i was in college for depression and what i now know to be post traumatic stress disorder and dissociative disorder.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-07 20:52:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58537
Poet just wanted you to know I have read this many times, responded once but I see it never made it to your attention ....sometimes these computers take on their own ideas.......good structure, most difficult piece to write but so well written, giving a full view of what is taking place......emotionally packed, I am so proud of the steps you took to get where you are poet.......when you look back on things you may think college is hard enough on its own without adding to the stress factor which seems to have happenmed along with the illness you were 'treated' for......thus finding one problem after have come along way and you should be proud......God Bless and thank you for sharing this most dificult time....perhaps this will reach out and touch someone else going through the same thing and help him or her as well. Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-07-04 21:49:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52174
Dear Mandie, I'm deeply sorry for the pain you've carried, and depression, PTSD/Dis Disorder are very treatable, illnesses with the right plan for someone. It takes something extremely traumatic, to create this disorder, and I feel for you, and wish you all the best. You have more than conveyed a traumatic event here, and I wish you peace, truly you are most deserving of it. My best to you, I enjoy your writing. DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-25 12:58:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
As a retired Reg. Psychiatric Nurse I can well understand what this poem is about. It is most powerful in its descriptive thought process. You are very brave to put this forward on the Link but it's a testament to the fact that you are healing. I for one don't believe that one is ever healed from such a traumatic event as there will always be something to trigger ("the faintest whimper does arise") the emotions back. But at this point in your life you well know how to handle these feelings and have a support system to help you along. The showers you speak of are so true for all those who have been abused. I have known some of my patients to take as many as a dozen in a day each time putting on clean clothing. It's a way of healing. Maddness you were not...just severly depressed (PTSD). Thanks for coming forward with this very inciteful piece for all to see.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-25 09:35:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Mandie, Nicely done, well structured and your voice clearly heard. I imagine that you find each time as you revise this that your feelings, self worth will have changed with time, like a continual work in progress. I have a painting that I work on from time to time, revising and re-visiting it, some things are added others are subtracted, perhaps it is a form of therapy... in the end after each work I take a picture so I can view the changes.. What a progress one makes and often unaware. Many blessings and safe journeys. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jesus Manuel Lopez On Date: 2005-06-24 09:23:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Poet, Thank you for sharing this highly personal and introspective work with us. I hope there was some level of catharsis as you put your thoughts to paper. The use of unrhyming non-modulated meter in quatrains is appropriate considering the serious theme of the work. Several stanzas and verses caught my attention with their intensity, depth and candor. Two days since stripped away the mask (the use of stripped and mask is very strong because they are loaded with meaning that maps very well to the context of the poem. Stripped - To deprive of clothing, deprive of honors and ranks, to remove excess detail to make bare, to dismantle, etc. Mask - to conceal, to hide, to disguise) which held it all together, as tears blinked back and pieces tumbled (this and the previous verse demonstrate the fragility of the situation and how the "mask" served an additional purpose - preservation of sanity) through restless nights of brutal hell. You can have my memory if i can leave this place. (These two lines are potent in their simplicity. A trade (almost a plea) is offered - a piece of my psyche for freedom) Visions piercing the eclipse (This verse is fresh and thought provoking - Visions within the context of this poem can be part of the the illness and yet they penetrate the eclipse (something covering or shadowing something else. You can derive many interesting meanings from this verse.) shattered my picture perfect reminiscence. As evidenced by these and other verses there is substantial potential in the work. The energy and honesty is there already. One quick and easy suggestion is having all the I's lack capitalization. The non capped i's enhance the powerlessness of the author during this situation. Just a thought. Thank you once again for sharing. Jesus
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