This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-24 15:54:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Torrid Affair

Click click click click The keyboard sticks With every letter That I do pick To pen the story Of love and glory Romantic tale in Allegory I have this thing About a ring Of words arranged In a long string And so with flair My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there It’s my affliction To fuss with diction Creating tales Fact and Fiction Obsession comes To nimble thumbs As the mind be- Gins, it succumbs Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled Now punctuation's A situation To add or draw out Simple relation  Torrid affair Of thoughts and air Words and rhymes of Lonely despair Then finding grace As each word’s placed Within a line Between a space

Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
formatting intentional

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-03 00:05:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97778
Hi Mandie, This poem is as interesting in its form as it is in substance. There is a lot to pick up from this and your title 'Torrid affair' is apt in its implication. The dictionary defines 'torrid 'as 'passionate', 'scorching', 'hurried' and 'rapid'. All four of these meanings bring out the nature of this theme as you present this before your readers. The form depicts a sense of anxiety and eagerness as you symbolise what writing sometimes entails and responding to critiques and giving critiques as well. Infact, it represents a waterfall of thoughts, ideas ------ 'My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there'. 'Click click click click The keyboard sticks With every letter That I do pick To pen the story Of love and glory Romantic tale in Allegory I have this thing About a ring Of words arranged In a long string And so with flair My thoughts take air Flying in from Way over there' I am easily able to identify with the click, click, click. It is a very realistic depiction of what most of us do as we delve ourselves deeper into writing poetry, responding to those of others, and replying to critiques. Ths gives the poem a very real feel. Use of the word 'flair' creates a distinction between the art of writing poetry and what others do when they are at their computers. There are thousands of others who sit at their computers and write or type but you distinguish our group by using the word 'flair'. And it is very true, when poets are inspired, their thoughts take air and simply fly in from all over the place. Structurally, I would recommend reducing a syllable in line 1 of this verse. Removing the 'do' would enhance the flow. 'It’s my affliction To fuss with diction Creating tales Fact and Fiction Obsession comes To nimble thumbs As the mind be- Gins, it succumbs Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled' I find the first line of this verse interesting and in contrast with the mention of 'flair, and thoughts flying in from over there in verse 1. This justifies how difficult it sometimes is to sit and put together the best combination of words in light of our chosen themes. 'Affliction' denotes suffering and pain and I have felt this when the words just don't come out right. Well, you bring in the critiquing portion as well...this gives the piece a very 'TPL' feel and touch. Yes, the critiques are a very big part of poetry submissions and they do point out a lot and help us grow. In wiritng crituques for others, we are given the opportunity to interact and offer our appreciation or reservations for the poems posted in the interest of the poet and for his/her growth. 'But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled'. 'Now punctuation's A situation To add or draw out Simple relation Torrid affair Of thoughts and air Words and rhymes of Lonely despair Then finding grace As each word’s placed Within a line Between a space' The ultimate release of satisfaction after the torrid affair of getting things just right. This is what this last verse denotes for me. And you have done very well with the last line with an excellent choice of words. I liked the incorporation of a 'soft' rhyme scheme that gives this poem an energetic buzz in keeping with the 'torrid affair' you allude to. The innovation in this one is commendable. Looking forward to readin and responding to more of your work. I believe there is still a critque of mine that you haven't responded to yet. You must be busy. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jesus Manuel Lopez On Date: 2005-06-27 13:58:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Mandie, Nicely done. Your choice of format and layout was on the money. Rather than breaking this work down into safe rhyming tercets your free flow approach gave the work a vibrant rhythm and tempo. The non use of punctuation propelled me across the lines and gave the piece a stream of consciousness feeling. The capitalizations served as brief points to pause. Your opening omnomatopoea established the pace of the work and the format sustained it. Your Torrid Affair with the pen, paper, words, ideas and feelings is nicely presented. Critique, reply Telling them why Artistic work It makes me cry But then I’m held As I’m compelled To note a word Again misspelled I found these lines to be very clever and amusing. The power of poetry can bring a person to tears and yet the editor in all of us can pause to focus on errors in grammar and spelling. I liked that you took a chance with this work. We need more risk taking in poetry. Thanks for sharing. Jesus
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-25 05:11:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Good title for this one poet, good structure and form.......the flow of words makes for an easy read, the images created come forth as one travels down your work.........with the click click click click one can hear the creation you are thus creating within your mind and keyboard.........again there we find a good rhyme to your work, once more enjoyeable....thanks for posting and sharing with us. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-24 16:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46000
Bravo Mandie, I don't know how often I've felt what you have so eloquently stated. I like the way you formatted this, I like that you through caution to the wind and went for it.... Every word shows how impassioned you are about writing and all of it's quirks and turns. Who makes the rules and isn't it alright to bend, blend and occaisionaly break them. Sometimes I become way to critical of such things as grammar, punctuation and formation forgetting that often style can bring a work to life or put it on a shelf. You have stated all the pros amd cons, the yeng and yang of all existance...and in the end we all have to live with what makes each of us comfortable. Your words had me all over the place but yet in agreement with that my mind is once again "mush"...LOL...I must admit I enjoyed this work and I like the break you've made from conventionality....You Go Girl! Lora
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!