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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-27 15:00:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tonight

You are In sky and sea Wind sings your aria of love My heart soars, remembering you Tonight.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-28 08:16:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97297
Hi Marilyn, I commend you for capturing a great emotion like love and giving it space in the limited poetic form of cinquain. This isn't child's play and the beauty with which you have done so, is remarkable and endearing. True to its form, 2-4-6-8-2, this cinquain represents or reflects that eternal, invincible bond of love through the affections of a physically separated couple that will forever be united in the immportality of the spirit. Death is at the most, a stage and a stepping stone into the eternal worlds of heaven or damnation. Love is immune to the perishability bestowed on 'physical' man and offers an unbreakable link between the two ends of this divide -flesh and spirit. The opening two lines do well to depict the omnipresence of your beloved in his 'spirit' form, the vastness of which is likened to the sky and sea. In the third line, his presence is given a voice and the choice of 'wind' to carry it is perfect as it blows from the corners of the earth. Again, wind magnifies his presence as it blows freely, singing love's eternal melody. The last two lines are climactic with the soaring of the poet's heart on the wings of contentment as she basks in the knowledge of her beloved's proximity. It is traditional in cinquain writing that this form results in a climax. I commend you for this adherence in the climax of the soaring heart. I was just counting the syllables when I noticed that line 3 might have 7 syllables? If need be you might have to replace aria with 'song' to adhere to the 2-4-6-8-2 count. This piece overflows with the immortality of love and touches the heart's deepest core. I enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-27 23:34:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39344
Marilyn, Short but sweet, and oh how powerful. I've always liked these type of poems, they speak volumns about the person writing and about the one they were written for or about. The line, YOU ARE, always gets me, because I want to know what the writer thinks the subject is and IN SKY AND SEA can only be a very cherished love one, for their essence is everywhere, all encompassing then you moved me to WIND SINGS YOUR ARIA OF LOVE how wonderful, surrounded by the love, it's sound that only two in love know and can hear, touch, feel, sense....... MY HEART SOARS, REMEMBERING YOU if only we all could have someone feel that way about us, this bespeaks of an undying great love and to close TONIGHT to me the way you used it, is not just one night but all nights, now and always. Wonderful, great structure, flows easily, and oh so romantic that I almost envy you, such passion, such love. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-27 19:40:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
For a cinquain that's darn good. You are hearing the wind bringing you memories of a love long gone. You are filled with the passion of his love...remembering. Nice touch without being too remoursful. Thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-27 18:34:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71875
Poet this is beautiful, true to form, filled with love which lasts forever........love the thought of the wind singing his aria of love and one can hear and feel your heart soar with memories......thank you for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-06-27 18:00:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Marilyn, How utterly utterly nice. You always have me pondering my 'loves'. But I mostly don't want to remember. You are fortunate to have one you care to remember! I think also 'he' is around you, thats why he comes to mind. Thanks for sharing the beauty of your relationship. Joy to you, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-27 17:15:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93548
MT: This beautiful cinquain carries such emotional impact, that I am temporarily derailed. Spoken it is soft on the ears, sweet on the tongue. And brings tears to my eyes. As we have shared with one another, I believe I know the one to whom this is addressed, and nothing could be more beautiful or sadder. And yet, there is something very freeing about the poem, because of the ability of the poet to speak to the beloved with such tenderness and awareness. The speaker directly addresses her loved one, sensing presence in "sky and sea" and hearing the wind sing of (his) love. There are few lines, and words comprising those, in this piece, but the emotional tone of the work supercedes form, language and my ability to find the words I want in order to respond. This poem comes from the heart of a woman who has loved, and loves, deeply. And remembers the nuances of this love in such a way as to make it present for the reader (for me). It is both heartbreaking and uplifting. That love outlasts everything seems to be the message here. That we cannot truly ever be separated, except in outward ways, from those we love is most apparent. And this poem has me held fast to those beliefs. You write soulfully and with the truth of your experiences. Exquisitely lovely word pairings, such as "wind sings", "sky/sea" along with the infinitely soft "heart soars" could stand as metaphor for this couple, separated only by physical distance/mortality. But then, as we have discussed, we believe in immortality of the soul. Surely he hears this and knows how much you love him, and will forever. And returns your love. (You know that your poems make me weep.) Brava! My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-27 15:31:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49153
marilyn, what a precious gem you have here. lilting and soothing, soaring too. i love the references to the earth and the characterization of the wind. it all works well together...tell me as i am curious, is this a cinquain...and if so, in writing cinquain can the writer choose how many syllables in the middle three lines? I thought they were supposed to be kept to 2 syllables in first and last lines, and 4, 6, 8 in the middle three lines in that order...Am i wrong? if so how wonderfule, it would make writing cinquain that much easier...any way just wondering...keep posting these juicy bits! Mandie

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