This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-06-30 18:11:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rungs
It must be grand to be healthy
A rose in the cheek, cherry-hue;
And with ease I would cede wealthy
For a rainbow out of the blue.
**
I wish I were a tall birch tree
and all who see me smile widely,
My scars sparce, scabrous and lovely
tended by the sun's majesty.
**
It matters not the coin you hold
nor my search into foreign rites;
The answer lies in wisdom old
While someone is listening nights.
**
Lift me from my soft bed - no talk,
Give me your hand and I will walk.
** |
|
Copyright © June 2005 Mell W. Morris
Additional Notes:
Dedicated to all the TPL members who have prayed for me.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-07-07 21:18:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mell,
I recently returned from a very satisfying vacation near Lake Michigan. It was sunny, warm and the fruit stands were full of cherries. It was beautiful. More memories to hold.
Mell,
Tonight, I read your poem. The last couplet is amazing in its softness. It, for me, validates the time I’ve spent at the TPL over the past months.
More than anything, I wish I could send you a rainbow and a bowl of cherries. Later, enticing you to dance as the birches. Hmm.
I was also happy to see your poem and our poem doing so well in the contest. I’m still very flattered that you helped me with the revision.
Lastly, I must admit, I don’t pray often, though, I have strong beliefs concerning the unity of people. I want you to know that I’ve, for some time now, been tying to strengthen you with my thoughts; my will and my humor. Tonight, so I may fully receive the blessing of this poem, I will pray for you.
Thank you Mell,
Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-07-07 15:47:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35526
Mell,
This is an incredibly brilliant piece of writing. The flow is flawless and the rhyme scheme just wisked me away. I was captivated from word one by the poignant imagery throughout the poem. Thank you for sharing this with us here at TPL...you are a true blessing here and i look forward to reading your writing. May you find peace and wellbeing in your corner of the world.
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-07-03 17:39:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Mell-o,
This is very very nice.
Like the rungs on the ladder..
I would also trade wealth, for that rainbow of health.
Too many don't appreciate their blessings till there gone.
Myself included.
To be alive, able to think, talk, hear, write, feel, we are so blessed!
I understand the dilemma of not doing the stuff you wish to. It
is heartbreaking. The eyes must rise above it all.
Oh yes, yes, please, I wish for you to lift from bed and walk.
But also I wish you joy.
The joy of celebrating 'you'and who you are.....
Because you/your spirit is so blessed special!
You give soooo much of yourself to the betterment of the all!
What is wild is no matter how much we grow and know
there's still so far to go. Keep on babycakes.
Much love,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-02 07:17:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97727
Hi Mell,
This poem is rich in its expression of faith and hope in the face of hardship and pain. Your title 'Rungs" is apt as it solidifies the theme even as you convey to your reader, that we must all climb upward through prayer and through faith and stand before him in anticipation of healing just as you did along with the many others who prayed with you.
The first paragraph expresses a profound desire to be healthy. You liken health to a 'rose in the cheek, cherry hue'....there's a lot of redness here. Perfect depiction. Back here and more towards the north where it is chilled and hilly, the people all have red sy cheeks that glisten with health. I wish I had such cheeks too but have to settle for the more ragged cheeks that city life offers. But yes, 'I would cede wealthy, For a rainbow out of the blue'.
The desire is given more depth in verse 2 where you call in the sturdy birch tree in all its lustre even as it is showered with the blessings with sunshine. I am glad you brought in the freshness of the great outdoors here as it is those who are made to spend a lot of their time indoors who often aren't the healthiest of people.
'I wish I were a tall birch tree
and all who see me smile widely,
My scars sparce, scabrous and lovely
tended by the sun's majesty'
In verse 3, you direct the desire to be healthy again away from chance 'it matters not the coin you hold', or various religious rites and cumbersome rituals....magic, etc and set it on a surer and time tested ladder, that of faith and prayer through which all healing is possible. 'The answer lies in wisdom old, While someone is listening nights,
Verse 4, in its two rhyming lines manifests the quiet (no-talk) power of healing and support. It just takes the power of His hand to take disease and crush it and lifting his child to health.
This was brilliantly written, Mell. Besides giving such a powerful voice to the theme of this piece, you have exhibited wonderful poetic craftsmanship. This piece literally sings with health and hope thanks to a well executed rhyme scheme. Use of alliterative sounds in cheek/cherry, scars/sparce/scabrous, will/walk enhances the soft sounds incorported here.
Our prayers will always be with you, Mell. As for me, I could use some to. I've lost my two closest friends (i hardly have any), am really depressed...sometimes I wonder why I am different...why do poets stand out? I think like a forty year old and I'm just 25....I'm more concerned with poverty, human emotions, philosophy while most people here are visiting discotheques, going out with friends, or playing Playstation. I feel I've been born before my time. It all depresses me. This piece offers some hope.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-07-01 16:25:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mell,
"It must be grand to be healthy
A rose in the cheek, cherry-hue;" [great intro and imagery in these first two lines...you have captured a perfect imagage of someone blessed with health and enjoying it so]
"And with ease I would cede wealthy
For a rainbow out of the blue." [give all you have for a bright blessing from heaven? Your imagery here continues, as you paint the image of being blessed...how do you do that? aweome!]
**
"I wish I were a tall birch tree
and all who see me smile widely,
My scars sparce, scabrous [rough and knotty...even with the scars of life, the birch's beauty shines just as it is intened to shine; bring joy to all who witness its majecty] and lovely
tended by the sun's majesty."
**
"It matters not the coin you hold [no good luck charm, or any amount of money you could possess can heal]
nor my search into foreign rites; [no magic cure or incantation?]
The answer lies in wisdom old
While someone is listening nights." [Your God [and his will] is the only answer, as he listens to your prayers at night...as you pray for healing, to be able to arise from your bed of pain, walk again]
**
"Lift me from my soft bed - no talk,
Give me your hand and I will walk." [With him, all things are possible, and by the guidance of his hand, you will arise and walk again. I truly believe that Mell...your faith is strong, and it shows!]
Wonderful poem, Mell! Your poetic devices serve you well!
My best to you,
and sincerest prayers,
Love,
Beck
[rough and knotty]
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-30 22:23:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39437
Mell,
This is so beautiful, so full of love and graciousness. The words waltz around on my tongue and in my mind, make my emotions raw, I'm grabbing for a tissue, I guess I'm an incurable romantic, a sentimental fool, but this offering is of such pure unselfish emotion that it would be hard not to feel this way. I've only just begone to know those at TPL but already I can tell that you are true treasure. It is impossible to critique or suggestion any change in a writing of this caliber, well written, well structured, easy to read and humbles me before such graciousness. Thank you for the opportunity to read this work.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-30 19:29:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77419
Dear Mell,
I don't know how well I can write a critique of this piece...I have just posted one about a cancer patient that I worked with yesterday. Just writing it made me feel weepy, then I read this and my stinging eyes begin to shed tears that fall unashamed down my cheeks. When I read...' it must be grand to be healthy' I knew I was done for. Such lovely words...so wistful but not morbid. Almost prayerful....'I would cede wealthy for a rainbow out of the blue.' I would send you a rainbow if God would just show me how....'I wish I were a tall birch tree....scars sparce, scabrous and lovely tended by the sun's majesty.' Believe it or not I relate to these words...I have so many scars on my body that sometimes when I see myself that is all that I see. I hate to be defined by all my surgical scars, they are there not only on the surface but inside my emotional being. I try to think of them as life lines because without them I would not be here. The scars you speak of here may be visable, as some of the awful rashes that you have endured may have scarred some, but they are minor compared to what they do to you emotionally, and they are compounded by an illness that has no pity....'it matters not the coin you hold' a very wise statement...it doesn't matter who we are or what we are all about, when we are afflicted we are one with each other...alone with our God who will guide us down the path He has chosen. So hold out your hand, my dear friend, and walk with Him. When things are the most bleak He just may lead you back to your safe place and lay your illness aside. It could happen...I know...because it happened to me.
Having said all that I want you to know that I am impressed with the rhyme in this piece...it is different for you and you do it so well that I wonder why you don't treat us with it more often? Also you have said so much between the lines and only those of us that know you well will be able to read and understand those unwritten words...bravo. This is beautiful, Mell, and I will keep it where I can read it often. You are such an inspiration to me and my poems without a critique from you are more forlorn than you will ever know. I even love the nits!! I will wait, no matter how long it takes, for God to lead you back to us.
With love and in prayer....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-30 19:24:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38235
Great piece here Mell...glad you are holding up and able to write again. Love the title. It shows
to me that you are climbing, which is good..and up to that tall birch tree..The last lines were
my favourite. Shows you have strength. Keep at it Mell~! Thanks for this piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-30 19:21:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88372
Dearest Mell-O (Nekk):
If only it were possible to send you that rainbow, it would be there already. And grant
the rose in your cheek. You are tender-voiced here, and yet there is your piquant humor
which I have always loved. I wonder if there is a symbol in each stanza for each one
of us? I found mine, I think, in “someone is listening nights.” Or maybe, “foreign
rites” for I have never been averse to using any means available. I love this poem,
and even more, your posting of it, a sign I want to see as you. Back. Here. With us.
Here you will always be, in my heart. But the joy I feel in this moment is hearing
your poetic voice, as strong and vibrant as it has always been.
“It must be grand to be healthy”
It is, but it doesn’t stop misimosity. Does not perturb didickerousness. Your image of
the rose recalls your poem in which you have a rose behind your ear. The ‘ch’ of “cheek/cherry”
serves as bit of a bite of a bipple. Goes with with “rain-bow/blue.”
“And with ease I would cede wealthy”
Ah, what is more important than health? Wealth can be gained, enough to buy all the Lady Polish
in existence. We could shop endlessly on eBay. I could buy all of the CD’s I crave and books, too.
We could go to Ireland together with your health, with wealth even ceded. You could read your
poetry and I could read palms or something on the ship. :)
**
“I wish I were a tall birch tree”
Nice, “ch” chewy sound in “birch.” Those lovely trees. So Robert Frostian. ;)
Makes me want swing in them. You know, pull one down to the ground and then, have
it launch me up, up and away. To be as tall and lithe as a birch would be lovely.
Ta! Alas, we cannot do it. I would probably be a scrub pine, if translated into tree
form. You know, those trees on the Pacific coast so sturdy and supplicating to the
ocean winds. They won’t blow over easily. I don’t think you will, either. Strongly
rooted, are we.
"and all who see me smile widely,
My scars sparce, scabrous and lovely
tended by the sun's majesty."
There is the sardonic humor, widely treasured, smiled at and sometimes ducked. But
what is better than a true-arrow friend who will not bullshit you? I mean, *me*. ;) I
cringe to think of your scars and wish them no more. But know they are there and
am glad that you take them as external, not dimming your moonlight. They hide
none of your beauty. I don't know about the sun, as I prefer the moon. But I
understand the reference to the sun's rays. And the need for hats.
**
“The answer lies in wisdom old
While someone is listening nights.”
Smile. Many of us are listening. Now, hearing the voice we crave. Many mani’s said
for you, rosaries, too. No one in my 3D life escapes without hearing of my friend Mell.
You are often asked about, and I say what I know. It’s not much at times, but always
said with hope and love.
**
"Lift me from my soft bed - no talk,
Give me your hand and I will walk."
**
This is the part where I fail you. I will give you my hand, always. But “no talk”
will require a splendiferous effort for me. I am so about talk, about answers I wish
I had. If my prayers and meditations are answered, you will walk, with my hand in yours.
Though the ending of the poem makes LL Em sad, to the highest degree misimose,
it is your truth, and you always tell it. Remember the song-poem I sent you. I am
still singing it.
With love for my Red Hat, in da poiple
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-30 18:58:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Mell this is so beautiful, so touching, so spirit filled with Mell.............prayers are still surrounding you my friend and I know the Lord walks with you always......
Love the opening stanza and just the thought of being healthy with a rosy cheek or two........I too often wish that for one day, just one day I ask to feel no pain, to remember what it was like to feel well all over, just for that one day and to find a rainbow would be asking for the moon........
You make us all smile each time we know you are able to sit up, take nourishment, write the beauty of words and create the passion you do here on the link sharing with us all of you, and we thank your boys for taking such good care of you as well.............you are special to all of us, I pray you know that.......I'm sure you know that and I hope you feel all of our love which surrounds you.........and I hope you know we feel your love in return my friend.......
For all the richest in the world you are the richest when you have just one good friend who cares and you my dear are a millionaire over and over again for all the friends you have right here.........the matereal things do not count and I am glad you know that........though it helps to pay the bills....hehehe......
I certainly love the way you ended this my friend, your faith shines through.........
Lift me from my soft bed - no talk,
Give me your hand and I will walk.
Where two or more are gathered in His name ask and He shall respond......we have gathered for your healing my friend, He has heard our prayers and He has responded in His way ......
Thank you for posting this for us to read and hold dear within the linings of our own hearts.
Take care, continue to get your rest and stronger with each passing day.
God Bless, Claire
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