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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-07-09 13:14:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I Wonder

When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. Beyond the Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude. Aromas Of saucy coffee Lure me and brighten my langour. I become bewitched as morn gives birth to sound. Trilling birds, distant hounds barking, A siren's solitary wail. Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn. As my day begins night dreams cause me to pause And I wonder Will I see another daybreak? Is this my alpha or omega? Or is it more devine To wonder?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-07-25 17:42:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn; From one dawn lover to another....I love this poem. Sunrise does indeed shatter night... my favorite verse: Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn. Sunlight creeping between the cracks of dawn is just a wonderful statement.... another amongst many in this fine work..... as a parting thought for what its worth...I think its more devine to wonder... Thanks for another fine poem... always your friend... Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-18 16:53:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Marilyn--Protagnist inference all the great things about waking to another day which has been granted but not promised. Simple but genuine heartfelt naturesque scenes depicted by scribes colorful and harmonious verbiage. All appears to be right with the world (stanzas #1 thru 4). However, uneasiness of nocturnal emis- sions creeps into mind, causing some concerns (stanza #5); "As my day begins night dreams cause me to pause And I wonder" This "...Wonder" leads to serious queries of scribes mortality (stanza #6/lines #1 and #2; "Will I see another daybreak? Is this my alpha or omega?" Realizing the answers to these difficult questions can only be addressed by a higher power, protagnist turns to prophecy in the last two lines; "Or is it more devine To wonder" Great title for this poem-it's repeat in 5th stanza serves to enhance the piousness of message. Hope I didn't misstate the import of your intentions. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-07-15 10:41:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
lovely, simply lovely! When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, one or two s's too many in the first two lines - a little alliteration goes a long way I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. wonderful metaphor contrasted with a specific concrete act! Beyond the Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain [great expression!} fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude. Aromas Of saucy coffee what about just "aroma?" Is there more thn one kind of coffee brewing?- Lure me and brighten my langour. I become bewitched morn[ing] would be more consistant with the language of the poem - also you could leave out the word "sound" as you do a good job of telling us the sounds. so what you would have is: morning gives birth to Trilling birds, distant hounds barking, A siren's solitary wail. [just a suggestion] Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn. [nice metaphor!] As my day begins night dreams cause [perhaps another word for "night" as most dreams come at night - me to pause [good internal rhyme] And I wonder Will I see another daybreak? Is this my alpha or omega? Or is it more [divine] To wonder? really beautiful work Marilyn!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-07-11 18:18:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
MT, I choose to wonder and be astonished and speculate as long as I can. LOL! I love the beauty in this world. I want to puzzle and marvel over your poetry as long as I can. For example, in your first stanza, crafted so well, using alliteration to stream me along, smoothly enjambing me into the second. Look at “sunrise shatters”, for instance. That is a bold way of stating the coming morning, but the aggression or strength of your opening is balanced against “surrender sublime slumber”, letting me catch my breath, before I “drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. Strong and elegant! When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. Beyond the In the second stanza of this narrative, you hook me with the description of rain as pebbles. That’s impossible I say, they would break my sky windows. LOL! But then I think of how this beauty and wonder comes calling, almost as if the pebbles are cast “politely” your way to get your attention. Look. Look at this beauty, this manifestation of love through nature outside of your window, while you enjoy the “aroma” of coffee. A marvelous way to wake up. I really like the “polite pebbles”, especially when I pick up the word “peaceful” later on. And “quietude” sounds like a cast spell across this stanza, stopping the moment, just for you. Nice. Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude. Aromas Of saucy coffee And so the day starts in the third stanza. Coffee time. The birds start etc..., the enchantment has lifted. Great use of alliteration again in “brighten, become, bewitched, birth, birds and barking. And you know, you craft so well that it is not distracting, barley noticed actually. So fluid, this poem. Lure me and brighten my langour. I become bewitched as morn gives birth to sound. Trilling birds, distant hounds barking, A siren's solitary wail. Great phrase, “that creeps between the cracks of dawn”. The color seems to evolve into the moment just the way you describe it. Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn. As my day begins night dreams cause me to pause And I wonder Will I see another daybreak? Is this my alpha or omega? Or is it more devine To wonder? Again, I say, to wonder. That’s the most fun part of my day, I’m not even gonna worry about whether or not it’s my last day. MT, maybe I misconstrue the question out of my denial, please don’t hold it against me. LOL! Hey, thanks for the excellent read, you have a good tomorrow. Until then, then, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-07-10 23:55:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Marilyn, I have to say when I read: When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I have to admire you for surrendering you slumber, oft I am want to stay where I am, secure in memories and mists. I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. {*sigh* those few moments when smoothing an empty bed give pause to memories and scent of days when the bed required more than smoothing, a strange complacency, sort alright for now} Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude {such, rythmic hypnosis, balm to a wondering soul}

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-10 17:21:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
I Wonder......indeed the thought of many my friend perhaps at the beginning of the day and again at night when we do close our eyes to rest.........to give in to the feelings taking over our tired body and soul... these thoughts enter even the minds of the most healthy of people, not just those sick, in pain, lost, lonely, seeking perhaps truth and finding none........will I find morning light come my way one asks.....only the Creator knows the answer to that my friend.....good structure and word flow, images, emotions, feelings as you can tell from the response are all there........I know my mom always said never go to bed angry or dirty......you never know, always tell someone you love that you do love them even if you are upset with them at that particular time, words never spoken are hard to hear once the other party is no longer with you..........love the sound of morning birds chirping outside my bedroom window, love the way day breaks over Tully Mounting and I still hold dear the memory of my laying here dying not knowing if another day will dawn for me or would I ever see my children and grandchildren again.........thoughts all form within the mind, the lining of the heart holds the rest......thank you for posting and shairng with us, for allowing each one who reads to know that they have a choice and that is to live each day as if it were the last that way no pain shall you leave behind........God Bless, Claire Wonder no more my friend.......the Lord continues to bless you.......

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-07-10 12:03:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Ah, Marilyn, what thoughts and sounds with which to open one's day!! *When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed.* I love the phrase *drink of stillness,* although all four lines are striking. *Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude.* ....pebbles of rain fall on **** trees.... This is unique, but I wonder if another word rather than *sightless* might read better here. Or is there a reason for the *sightless?* * Aromas Of saucy coffee Lure me and brighten my langour. I become bewitched as morn gives birth to sound. Trilling birds, distant hounds barking, A siren's solitary wail. Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn.* I love your pictures here! A comment about *sonorous.* The word sonorous connotates loud, resonant. With the words primrose, maize, creeps... following this line, might it be more appropriate to give plaudit to something softer and more quiet? No suggestions, just an idea maybe? The last two verses voice the universal thoughts of many of what the coming day may bring, and whether or not it would be better to know the future or not. Wonderful write, Marilyn!! Peace.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-10 09:16:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, There is nothing comparable to waking up peacefuly to the greetings of a beautiful world replete with freshness, color, sounds of nature, whiffs of aroma (be it coffee or the dampness of falling rain), etc. You have captured this beauty perfectly and have employed rich poetic technique in making this poem reveal itself in the mind of your reader as the unfurling of a painting...only paintings can't capture the sense of smell and sound. I'll call this poem a package!! SIGHT-----the sightless trees, the peeking sun, sonorous hues SOUND-----trilling birds, distant hounds barking, the wail of a siren SMELL-----saucy coffee, dampness of rain, TOUCH-----'smooth my bed' The language in this is rich but simple and the poem flowed well without hindrance, doing justice to the gradual unfurling of morn. Of course, the theme of this poem does not rest solely in depicting the perfect morning. It infact draws into contrast the inevitability of night and the uncertainty of life. Will we ever wake up the following day to greet what we greeted today. It is a thought which plays on most of our minds and i feel that part of your intention was to paint this perfect picture to tell your readers to appreciate it while it lasts. Very thought provoking. An excellent poem, Marilyn. I always appreciate the way you use rich language and make it sound so beautiful and simple. Great job!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-07-09 20:09:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Marilyn, the wonder of it all, the wonder, I wonder,... the temptations and the fulfillments... I wonder.. excellent piece, wonderful image, and me, and you.. I Wonder – There can never be another title that more personifies the spirit of man, or the spirit of creation.. for we must discover for ourselves, now we delve, and wonder... When sunrise shatters night and I surrender sublime slumber, I drink of stillness and smooth my empty bed. – I don’t know whether the sun setting into your sublime slumber, or the empty bed most caught, but I do know that the blues of the sunset are brightened by the reds and yellows.... and I drink.. such a beautiful description like I was lying there watching myself. Beyond the Window clear, polite, pebbles of rain fall on sightless trees and peaceful is their quietude. Aromas Of saucy coffee – I think, no such aroma, not bacon, not ham, not the smell of fresh pancakes, can ever capture me like the sweet aroma of fresh coffee.. and I only drink fresh ground good stuff.. I believe, it is the childhood dreams that overtake me.. but it may also be handing a cup to someone I love,.. who also imbibes the aroma... I think I shall return to a percolator... Lure me and brighten my languor. I become bewitched as morn gives birth to sound. – I am engrossed in you being “bewitched” there is such a personal and sensuous feel to that word, and in the morning with coffee.. hell, I should be so lucky... Trilling birds, distant hounds barking, A siren's solitary wail. – Once settled, the call of the worlds aviary settles me and sets me on a course for beauty and creation... who can respond.. I can.. but will they know, as I know them? Sun peeks above horizon's brink giving plaudit to sonorous hues, from – “sonorous” – great word, well used... BRAVO!! primrose to maize, that creeps between The cracks of dawn. – I like the thought of the shafts like corn .. growing in the sunrise... and the use of “crack” which of course was the first “refinement” of corn for eating.... Excellent...!! As my day begins night dreams cause me to pause And I wonder – There is no other term better suited for the moment.. “wonder” “I wonder”, and I wonder if that ever means more, than awaking to beauty? Give me love, but without beauty, love is a beggar. Who can look into another’s eyes with no beauty to share. An odd enigma. I once would have worshipped love, but for now, if it cost me creation... I don’t know. Will I see another daybreak? Is this my alpha or omega? Or is it more devine (divine) To wonder? Thanks for this encouragement Marilyn, it was more than worth the ride, and now I await, tomorrow.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-07-09 16:55:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You ask age old questions that we as humans cannot answer and philosophers have been wrangling with for centuries. I don't know if it's "more" devine to wonder but in the truest esoteric sense I guess it is. I love the description of the morning bringing it in as "sonorous". That is quite a stretch but viable, and you certainly have captured the colours except the cyrillians! Ah yes, we all see things differently don't we? A delicious little tidbit here, and I wonder if...

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