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This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-07-10 15:57:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Back Side of the Moon

I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff. I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea. A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing. And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.

Additional Notes:
For T.E.W., thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-07 14:02:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mell: Having just read this, I now understand Tom's wonderful poem ... which I must confess was a bit of a puzzle to me (and my critique will bear that out!). Needless to say, I've been away for quite some time. Your ongoing battles may challenge your body but they haven't diminished your vision or your courage; here's a testament to prove it. I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star ... effective alliteration with gash/grab, and a lovely image Caress opaline sky ... softly sibilant, gentle sounds and beautiful idea Dash with terns ... love the quick energy here! And Perch with birds like notes on a staff. ... wonderful comparison!! It's interesting that you've chosen "gash" because of all transitive verbs, it's one of my favorites. GM Hopkins uses it so effectively in "The Windhover" -- and t has those connotations of being both wound and spark. "Dash" (nice internal rhyme here!) is similar; it can signify an impact, or a speedy flight. This implies that our lives are made up of this duality: the pain and the joy are both stamped into whatever coinage God has decided to offer us. I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure ... s/z consonance is soothing, contemplative Fling back waves ... another energetic turn of phrase Feel mizzling rain above ... "mizzling" is the most remarkable word! And Fly high with paired doves to the sea. ... this line suggests a sort of holiness, a hint of glory Careful verb choice is once again evident: sway, crawl, fling, fly. Movement ranges from the quietest of actions to the most broad and vigorous. The opening images seem to relate to confinement, the immersion of self within limits. Yet the imagination recreates all past experiences and the soul escapes its bondage through the speaker's own strength of will. Those paired doves seem highly symbolic; there's a completeness to them, and a sacredness. One half of the pair is human, the other divine. Together, the seek the sea which is their mother, the salt from which we are all originally born. A bright yolk of light in my window ... love this!! And the egg idea speaks of birth/rebirth. Brings me back to muse on word flow. ... "muse" is an effective pun; "flow" restates the sea image Neither time nor tide has mended my wing ... allusion to the doves and also the speaker's own illness Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing. ... Yet, ironically, this speaker is not at all "unspeaking"; she may be unable to voice her agonies, but she is very much able to discuss her situation through her written word And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring ... good line break, which allows for rhyme here Reels of word rays, ... lovely use of alliteration that rolls across the tongue Psalters of praise. ... another strong combination, and such an upbeat way to conclude this poem! It's interesting that you shift from free verse to a more formalized structure, complete with end rhyme, in S3. This, to me, addresses the issue of freedom that is curtailed and restricted into a set dimension; you impose conditions on the verse, as they are likewise imposed upon your own existence. But beyond these boundaries, anything can happen. You can project yourself into whatever scenario most appeals, and focus on the truly significant thing -- the only thing -- which is immaterial and invisible. Cells are transient but the spirit endures past and above and beyond them. This is a poem of much hope and uncompromising faith in the rightness of the universe. I had to skip far down my list to find it, and I'm so glad I've done so! Despite my awareness of your condition and the circumstances behind the writing of these words, I can still feel elevated and inspired. I admire you tremendously, Mell. Your work is wonderful and your footsteps echo through every passage. Hugs from NS ... Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-08-01 13:24:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Mell, This is quite nice. All your wonderful hopes and dreams and things! It's interesting all you can see and praise even when it's the most difficult of times. We are to busy to appreciate our blessings when we have them in our grasp. But if lost or lessened they are worth more than gold! Mell you are soaring.....You are healing... Trauma's of changes can flatten/destroy a persons spirit but it will change. Strength returns. It will get better. It's surprising the heartbeat of life. It will surprise you. Lifes not ever what you imagine it will be! I saw the movie Stigmata....acknowledging what I believe. God is within and without. God is everywhere. Psalters of praise. Life enhancing writing that's just breathtaking! I'll fly with you on the doves going out to sea.... Bless you, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-07-25 14:02:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mell: A thoughtful descriptive work from one who loves freedom and nature....although now confined from illness...wishing to be free to fly once again with the birds she loves under the sky she looks at longingly, both day and night, from her bedroom window. Mell I enjoyed this piece and understand completely the solitary muted feelings of confinement...you are experiencing. I wish you all the best and pray for your recovery... Thank you for sharing this fine piece.... Always your FAN and friend.... Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-07-16 17:00:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I do hope you're well enough to appreciate life's little things. If I could I'd crawl all the way to Texas and take you to dinner. Instead I'll melt into this summer puddle, find a cloud and rain. all the best. t.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-16 08:49:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Hi Mell, There is a wealth of depth and feeling in this piece...there is a sense of sorrow, of resilience, of hope, of anger. This, coupled with the poetic genius in your craft, pulls it all together in a package that caters to your reader on an emotional an artistic front. In poetry, none of these can ever work separately. Art without feeling is senseless and feeling without art is no art at all. You have always got this balance just right in giving your readers a very high and captivating standard of poetry along with very real feelings. Torment is as available as the air around us. Sad, but true, it seems as if it is forced on us like an unmarketable piece of junk, whose seller simply must send it away...not for money but for an even higher price. It chews into our lives on myriad levels, some tolerable, some unimaginable. In the most extreme cases, turmoil and suffering even takes life away. Yet, as unfair as it is, some of us (including me) are leeched by it,made to live with it, endure it and fight epic battles to get rid of it. Some of us never succeed and some of us do, with a trail of scars for memories. For some, it strikes in our futures, for some, it is a thing of our pasts but no matter when it strikes, it strikes with the furor of an earthquake. The sense of longing and resolve is very strong in this piece. It starts out with desire and works it's way into determination much like a person gearing up for battle. You are a soldier in life's mean battlefield and you long to have your freedom back. I believe it is most frustrating to have and then lose than to not have at all. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring'. I am able to picture you by a window drifting to the world of freedom you mention in this piece, only to be shunted from your thoughts as the 'bright yolk of light in my window, brings you back to the prison of reality. 'I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star' - I find these lines very inteesting, Mell. They seem to favor night over day. I will spend some time analysing this. You wish to dent or cut the daylight and grab the sparkle of the evening star. Daylight here represents reality and your reality in the piece would allude to the torment and sorrow in your life. The sun appears as this overwhelming ball of fire, cruel in its blaze and undettered...it never flinches. On the other hand, there is the evening star, eye candy in the sky, sparkling and tiny, much like a large gem in a treasure chest of jewellery. Gash also represents a sense of anger and frustration. There is more comfort in sleep than in waking, only to begin our gargantuan routines all over again and for those who are trapped in phases of torture, these routines couldn't get any worse. Venus is commonly referred to as the 'evening star'. Venus is also the Goddess of Love. I love the contrast between daylight and the evening star. 'Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff.' Freedom rings loud and clear in these lines. You long to reach for the beautifuly colored opaline sky and dash with terns. Terns are also referred to as sea swallows and are a lot quicker than their larger counterparts - the gulls. 'Dash' represents a burning desire to just break loose and skim above the very world that holds you captive. Freedom can best be represented by the songs of the bird and the desire you exhibit to find your place among a line of birds on a tree branch, is profound. Likening this alignment to notes on a staff is brilliant!! 'I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea.' The battle is brewing up in these lines with your longing taking on the form of compulsion and resolve. It is as if the preceding thoughts in the first four lines of the poem have inticed you enough and enhanced your sense of longing to the point of frustration. 'Fling back waves', these words best sum up the battle at hand. Waves are powerful forces..and the image of you flinging them back reveals a warrior who will not take 'no' for an answer. Also, 'Fly high with paired doves at sea' is deep and interesting as it represents a seeking of companionship and love..a desire to be part of a larger group or a complete revulsion for the isolation you find yourself in. Flying to the sea represets a fleeing from the troubles of the life you live..a complete getaway to a fresh beginning. 'A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing.' I'll tie this in with your first verse about gashing the daylight. Night is the clear favorite here as the 'bright yolk' shoves you out of your thoughts and sits you back on the chair of hardship. I love, 'bright yolk of light in my window'. Innovative indeed!! The hardships of this relaity translate themselves as poetic expression. The reality is an alarm call to the fact that the wait thus far has been in vain. The broken wing suggests a hampered freedom and your reference to the pain of the 'thing' seem to alienise this suffering reducing it to a low mantle...again a sign of revulsion for the suffering you endure. I did feel that 'thing' might seem forced but it does take on an important significance. 'And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.' Hope shines forth here and an ending filled with resolve. 'Pouring reels of word rays'- the poems will keep coming, the prayers will keep rising all the way into the heavens above. Mell, you are an inspiration not only in terms of being a brilliant poet (for that is a small part of human existence) but for being a larger than life person who has endured so much but still manages to inspire others with resilience. My phase has just begun and it could last forever (one never knows) but thanks to the inspirations in life, I might be able to draw respite. Technically, this poem was well crafted and I particularly liked th rhyme in it. The piece sang like an anthem for many of us who are able to identify with its theme. 'The Back side of the moon'. The title is interesting and there might be several reasons for you to have chosen it. For me (and I may be wrong), the back side of the moon could represent the other side of night which is daylight. Daylight does play a big part in your execution of the theme. On the other hand, it could be the unseen side, the side hidden away. This was a complete and emotionally drivn piece, Mell. I pray that this phase ends and that you will soar again. This is for sure - you soar in terms of giving others inspiration and that comes as a blessing to all who know what it is like to be tormented. Excellent piece of writing! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-15 14:53:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mellita--Since I'm not at full discerning strength, I offer this-since it still speaks the truth (no offense intended to other TPLers). TLW Revenant by Turner L. Williams During an interim poetics were deficient in terseness metaphors stopped resonating: the silence was deafening imagery became less vivid Funk and Wagnal was not consulted well-once...for sure never more than thrice Just when reviews seemed unendurable onto the proverbial site Poetess returned-true afficionados rejoiced as she redisplayed her silver syllabled voice

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-14 08:24:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
The Back Side of the Moon is well structured poet, your choice of words allows for a nice flow and images are certainly created along with emotions........it is not a good thing to be so ill all the time, not knowing one day from the next if there is relief in sight......your courage shines through though......you will not let go of any hope or dream of being well again......what you long to do can and will become a reality for you someday and hopefully that someday will be soon......do not give in to despair when things are too much to handle better yet, feel the love of God as He holds you in His loving arms, feel the friendship reaching across the miles from all of your friends on the link and know prayers are sent to the heavens daily for your total recovery. Again, no changes are needed for your work always stands on its own and I thank you for posting and sharing this with us.....perhaps it will touch another with medical problems that is hanging on to for that miracle and I certinly do believe in miracles.......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-07-13 14:47:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dear Mell, Another write from deep within your soul that longs to be free of pain, restrictions, medication, and despair. You have written this as only you could have and even though it is sad and painful for me to read it is masterfully done. 'Gash the daylight' an amazing three words that speak volumes. I am a morning person and when I read these words I thought...yes, I do that as I love morning...so in my next prayer for you I will pray that you can awake and scream...here I am world!...'grab the evening star, carress the opaline sky'...I love opaline to describe sky...it is just lovely and using the word carress in the same line makes it even more appealing to me....'dash with terns, and perch with birds like notes on a staff' you use such amazing words to express yourself and each time I read your work I am even more impressed than the time before..if that is possible.....I have to sway with seaweed crawl inside azure fling back waves feel mizzling above and fly high with paired doves to sea These lines are so poignant when I consider what you must be going through. I'm sure there are times in every day when you feel like you are drowning in a sea of pain and anguish. If only you could cast those emotions aside instead of being smothered in a drug induced haze that holds you captive. If only you could fling back this avalanch and come, once again, into your "old" world and just be you...as you were...without this burden that you bear. I pray these things for you. A bright yolk of light in my wondow...wonderful and how I wish I had thought of it first! brings me back to muse on word flow...I am always amazed that you can still write like none other even when in unspeakable pain.... neither time nor tide has mended my wing... rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing...beautiful rhyme...profound statement that is not lost on me. and yet I recall the feel of soaring shall not yield till healed...uplifting words that gives one the notion that you will fight until there is no fight left and it is needed no longer...determination and strength will take you there....pouring reels of word rays psalters of praise. I don't know what Tom had to do with this piece but somehow he must have helped you gather strength to write it and that is a wonderful thing. I will give you praise now for a job very well done. You have not and I know you will not lose your ability to express yourself in poetry and do it with grace. Unless I miss my guess you have written another winner!! God bless you....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-07-12 15:06:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mello, I wrote a lengthy reply to this which went off in tangents. But even I'm not that much of an asshole. You are dealing with life and death, and everything else is irrelevant. So the reply was cut - for another forum, perhaps. The world is better for those like you. I'm capable of recognizing that. But it's the ones, like me, that go on and on in perfect health. Therein lies the injustice of it all. I'd be doing nothing but yelling "motherfucker" all the way down. As to poetry: the title is exquiste. So is " Perch with birds like notes on a staff." TEW . . . I'm in love with enigmas. TEW being one of the best. Mark PS - this will most likely not be a PR positive in terms of massaging my TPL image. :) I AM happy to see you still pounding them out, Mell.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-07-12 08:31:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
A uniquely descriptive write.... *Grab the evening star* - how dreamy! *Perch with birds like notes on a staff.* - what a picture this paints! *Sway with seaweed* - Ah, I can just feel it... *A bright yolk of light in my window...* - stunning use of allegory. *yet I recall the feel of soaring* - I love this! I'm sure this is in my mind, as sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees, but I cannot quite follow the meaning of *Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing.* Aside from my own obtuseness, this write flows beautifully and strokes the imagination.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-07-11 13:30:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mell, What imagery you create in this work! Movement abounds in the first stanza: "I long to Gash the daylight" [make your depression/hollow out your niche in the sun, a chamber in which you can seize the day and all it offers..good] "Grab the evening star" [and all the light and magic it holds/bestows on those who witness its beauty] "Caress opaline sky" [ah, there is beauty here...a sense of fulfillment] "Dash with terns" [run, frollic and fly with marine birds that are smaller, more slender than other birds...I can envision their movement now, and realize why you long to dash with them over the wateres, sands of the earth] "And Perch with birds like notes on a staff." [The simile here is apt....birds perched on a musical score, like notes inked in harmony.... a longing to be as one with earth and sky, is what these last 3 lines represent to this reader] I have to [you move from longing to necessity, as indicated by 'I have to' ] "Sway with seaweed" [nice movement created here...you move with the flow/tide...ebb in waters deep] "Crawl inside azure" [deep inside the ocean, suggests a drowning affect for me...slowing moving to find the surface] "Fling back waves" [fighting wave upon wave, till you finally throw them back and surface waters] "Feel mizzling rain above" [only to feel fine drops of rain on your face; suggests a refreshing of sorts to this reader, as it is not a pelting rain] "And Fly high with paired doves to the sea.' [you soar, with the aid of others...could this perhaps be two dear, gentle women friends or two gentle children coming to your aid? Or, doves, birds of peace carrying you on their wings to soar high above the sea?] "A bright yolk of light in my window" [very descriptive imagery used here to name the sunlight; great metaphor 'bright yolk of light' for 'sun'] "Brings me back to muse on word flow." [the sunlight which awakens your senses, focuses your mind on the words you ink] "Neither time nor tide has mended my wing" [this is a very effective way, in my opinion to meld stanza one with stanza two...all the things you long to do with your time, and all the feelings of ineptitude which surfaced in the tide] "Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing." ['wing rendered unspeaking', nice personification of the 'wing', as if it could have spoken in the first place...and it cannot soar throught the air, either, as it has not been mended by tide nor time...'pain of the thing'...an un-named source which brings/causes you pain...while I personally know of the pain you suffer and inject that into this poem about which you write, the way you address the 'pain' leaves it open to the reader's interpretaion, allows he/she to personalize it and transform it into their 'pain', whatever that may be...well done!] "And yet I recall the feel of soaring" [expression of hope, the hope of regaining that feeling of soaring] "Shall not yield till healed, pouring Reels of word rays," [poetry penned in rays of hope...your use of the word 'reels' here suggests to me that your poetry shall be flexible [deal with whatever life curcumstances arise] and wound tightly in hope [rays of hope]for the future] "Psalters of praise." [and filled with poems of praise for life, the good and the bad, and for friends who shall see you through; and you, in turn, give them reason to offer praise to their god for your life, your friendship, your essence!] Mell, as always, very well done! "The Back Side of the Moon", used as your title suggests to me that you have come from darkness/despair into light/hope for the future, whatever lies in store, and want to share your spiritual/magical journey [after all, how many on earth have ever soared to the back side of the moon...and what is the back side to some, becomes the front to others simultaneously] with all] Thanks for a most enjoyable read, Love and prayers, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-07-11 10:13:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
The Back Side of the Moon {In the beginning your title sent tunes of Pink Floyd played across my mind with your title, then I am swept into the resonance of your voice speaking to my inner being} I long to Gash the daylight Grab the evening star Caress opaline sky Dash with terns And Perch with birds like notes on a staff. { so visual,reaching out,longing and almost angry, I love opaline sky-when painting I have so wanted to capture that beauty and found I can only do so digitally} I have to Sway with seaweed Crawl inside azure Fling back waves Feel mizzling rain above And Fly high with paired doves to the sea. {here you have given me a sense sadness, a sense of resigning to what must be for now until things can change} A bright yolk of light in my window Brings me back to muse on word flow. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing. {ah, melancholy-nothing seems at times to abate the feelings or assuage the depths of things we do not speak of other than to ourselves if at all} And yet I recall the feel of soaring Shall not yield till healed, pouring {not giving in, will not succumb to what may be predestined, will persevere at all costs until the goal is met} Reels of word rays, Psalters of praise.{the balm by which poets, writers, artisans garner, that which makes all worth while} For me this was almost like being on a roller-coaster, thoughts that I do not put voice to however here you have spoken volumes, we are so blessed for voices such as yours. Your formatting punctuates your very thoughts. Thank you so much for this offering, flowed easily sweeping this reader into it’s soulful magic. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-07-10 19:58:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mello: You have included my loves in this poem. Stars, birds, the ocean, hope, euphony, your words and their music. Your psalm, this is. Your verbs and their passionate energy. “Gash/grab/caress/dash/perch/sway/crawl/fling” – the kinetics are amazing. The images you generate of your desires and wants to do these things brings you palpably closer. Boldly singing your songs of praise and longing. Your colors are quintessentially ‘Mell’ -- I think you could only be captured in iridescent hues. As you are soaring and flying imaginatively in sky and seascape, you are brought back to present time and space, “back to muse” (the double meaning here is not missed by me). Nor is the melancholy of “paired doves” and the metaphor. And yet, the “bright yolk of light” which brings you back allows this expression of your courage; your poetic voice is as strongly vibrant, as luminous as I’ve ever heard it. Perhaps with an extra current of voltage. Neither time nor tide has mended my wing Rendered unspeaking by pain of the thing. These rhymed- and metered couplets seem to supersede language, supplant it with spirit. You give an infusion of joy in the midst of your recollection of the feel of soaring, despite your unmended wing, and “pain of the thing.” Your unwillingness to yield strengthens my own resolve for healing. (Yours, for all who read, my own, too.) You reach in and reach out of yourself, with your “reels of word rays” and I reel. This radiant poem speaks to with me with the intensity of “Starry Night.” And yours. What a gift it is to find this poem. And to know you as my friend. Brava! A basket (woven by Mary Kiona) of Reine des Violettes roses, heaped, and ribboned with yellow silk garlands. Another basket of seashells. Always, LL Em (Joanne)

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