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Monday Morning All I’ve got to do, today is smile. Without you it’s so hard. I hold a thought of you, in my heart. Walking, alone, down the rain riven, streets of my mind. Am I trying to recapture, a dream of yesterday. It seems, sometimes, so far away, yet it was but a day. When your delicate fingers unbuttoned my shirt. Minutes later were lying sacred, in each other’s arms. No silk or satin for us, just a hard wood kitchen floor. But we could be anywhere at all. It matters not, our emotions run free. Spirits now sing in true harmony. At this time there was only, you and me. Today’s dawn brings me back, to stark reality. Alone in cold sheets, and missing you! |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-09-22 23:30:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Stephen, This is nicely done, with a cute ending. However there's one stanza that's just a tad bit too intimate for me (I don't know why, I'm usually not a prude) but it does tie in nicely with the ending. What is "rain riven"? Is this perhaps a typo? The commas at times feel a bit unnecessary at least in a rhythmic sense - not all of them, but a few. Also I would end the "Am I .... " statement with a question mark rather than a period since you are using punctuation. Overall great job.