Jillian K Sorenson's E-Mail Address: jillians2636@yahoo.com
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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Jillian K Sorenson has given on The Poetic Link.
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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jillian K Sorenson	Critique Date
In The Presence	Kenneth R. Patton	Hooray for neighborhood coffee houses that are not Starbucks! Hooray for folk singers! Hooray for Maine! (Okay, I've been up for a really long time....I'm a bit giddy). For seriousness now, I like this. It reminds me of housekeeping/homeremodeling/carpenters I have known. It's a nice metaphor. I like the almost unwillingness to give up those rusty nails from your soul. Here's the thing however - I do like this poem, but without the notes I wouldn't know who this fellow was - comedian, poet, singer, and so forth you know? So my suggestion would be a bit more atmospheric detail....that would make the poem more surround sound (heh, I said I was a bit giddy :) ).	2005-10-25 02:57:10
I Wonder	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Personally, I have difficulty with emotion. That is to say I often wonder if people feel as strongly as I do or am I just a blip on their radar screen. So, I can relate to this poem's simple message. The last word sums it all up, a memory or set of memories that can be both sweet and bitter at the same time. Nice piece, interesting in that it is more universal than personal and yet still conveys a strong message. Good job.	2005-10-25 01:20:38
Curtain Call	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi there Nancy I'm not sure I've critiqued anything by you before. I'm not sure if this is a particular format or not although I do notice the A B B C A C rhyme scheme used excellently here. While shan't is correct grammatically since it is an abbreviation for "shall not," I've never seen it used with an apostrophe and might suggest just shant, but that's up so to you. Nice use of semi-colon. I do a bit of acting ( but not singing ) myself so am familiar with the nervousness about one's ability before the curtain goes up. You conveyed that accurately and nicely in this piece. Well done.	2005-10-20 01:32:09
A Page From My Diary (21/09/05)	stephen g skipper	Nice combined senryus, however I see some issues with the first Senryu. My count goes like this: sum-mers res-i-due (5, all good here) pro-tects from ic-y Si-ber-i-an blasts (that's 10, 3 too many) here in Jer-us-a-lem (that's 6, one too many) Oh yes, and "summers" should be "summer's" I believe. Otherwise nice poem about missing one's loved one. I liked the geography aspect of it, and the occasional rhyme is nice. My favorite part is where love finds a home down by the ocean. Nice work!	2005-10-11 13:48:33
Replica	Dellena Rovito	The interior rhyme and occasional lined rhyme here are good, and the theme is interesting. There are a few minor not quite grammatical errors but not quite perfect English either things I would change. I would hyphen "brand-named" and "grocery-chained" so that those words more obviously go together. Also, I believe "realms tongue" should be "realm's tongue." I might eliminate the comma between pets and Vets so that those appear to go together as you did with schools and teachers. The question ending gives the reader something to think about as well as reflect on how this mirrors their own life. Nice work.	2005-10-08 21:06:49
Gloomy Days	Kimberly A Butterworth	My mother would relate to this. She adores the fall and winter with its cold and rain. I myself prefer summers....hot ones. Course, I wouldn't have thought to call myself shallow because of it. :) The 1st/3rd line rhyme sequence works nicely here and doesn't seem forced. Curious title however, since the poem is joyful about the gloomy days themselves. I was expecting a dark piece. I find it interesting that you capitalized "Comforted" but not "god". I like best the myself/stealth rhyme, that was clever. Nice work.	2005-10-07 23:35:27
Affliction - Etheree #2	Mary J Coffman	Hmmm....unlike the other etheree, this one rhymes and nicely. Although my vocabulary is lacking on a few of these words.....chevisance is beyond me. This one is much more dark than the other. I like the ending, it brings it all together. The title is nice as well. Good job.	2005-10-07 00:21:28
Afterglow (an Etheree)	Mary J Coffman	Eek, I have no idea what an etheree is and here you've written two of them! Well, I've been avoiding critiquing them but they are the last two left on my small list this month so far. I like the alliteration here and I also like the rose and blue colors. Any particular reason for the phonetic spelling of "phantasy"? Technically, it should be fantasy. The meaning of this poem is clear from the title to the substance. Nice work.	2005-10-07 00:18:07
Cycle	Latorial D. Faison	Why black babies? Odd that you decided to distinguish between races of babies, is there some particular meaning to that? One typo "youthfuol" should be "youthful." I'm not quite certain what this poem is about...is it an anti-abortion poem? It's nicely written anyways.	2005-10-07 00:08:14
My Other Passion	stephen g skipper	Hmm. I have a scooter, didn't name it however, and not quite so fancy as a Vespa....mine is a Mosquito. You have to stand on it when riding. I liked it alot until the handlebars fell off and I hit the street at 25 miles an hour. How on earth do you listen to music while riding? Structure here is good, easy to read....what's your first passion? Nice work.	2005-10-07 00:04:56
Crying in a rugby context	Mark Andrew Hislop	If you were a woman I'd blame it on hormones, that's what I usually blame my nonsensical crying bouts on. This "poem" has both poetic and prose elements. I'm not sure it's a poem at all, except that the ending has quite a bit of finality to it and therefore cannot really be used in context of a novel/short story. I like the ending very much. I also like the way this poem moves, very quickly without barely pausing for breath. This poem is interesting in that it insults the reader and nearly forces them to leave....I've never done that with a poem, and thus find it interesting. The vulgarity is a bit over the top, but again serves it's dual purpose of offending and enticing the reader. Nicely done.	2005-10-06 20:35:42
Another War	marilyn terwilleger	A very sad tribute to this heroic man who lived guiltily for the rest of his life. It's an excellently structured poem that almost doesn't need the last couplet, but it is good anyways with it. I feel this is a personal piece (or at least it reads like one, so if it is fiction you've done an excellent job) so I will not comment further. Nicely done.	2005-10-05 01:46:08
New Orleans, Long After Katrina	Karen Ann Jacobs	Karen, nice piece - I'm sure everyone wishes they could just fast forward and see it as a "commercial break" of sorts. Nice detail throughout this poem. I think absinth should have an "e" on the end of it, but I could be mistaken. Otherwise flawless. Gives the impression of someone who knows New Orleans well - perhaps as it will never be again.	2005-10-05 01:40:45
Wrath	marilyn terwilleger	Satan's wrath indeed. Good that you pointed the finger at who is really responsible. I like the "drank of their own breath" and the personification of the wind, tears, and sea. Nice use of adjectives. Good work.	2005-10-02 18:02:14
Last Dream	Rick Barnes	This is a very interesting piece about seeing a relationship breakup through the eyes of the other. Nicely crafted. I like the forgiveness and understanding here....I doubt many would be so kind to someone who broke their heart. Can't tell if the occasional rhyming here is intentional or accidental. It's nice though. Lovely freeverse poem.	2005-10-02 17:03:14
hope	charles r pitts	Simple effective Haiku, but leaves me a bit dis-satisfied. Yes it's about nature and the metaphor is nice, but I kind of feel like I've seen this metaphor before. However, structure is excellent and this is a well-crafted piece. I guess I've come to expect more suprising poems from you (that's a good thing).	2005-10-02 16:45:50
Senyru 818	Michael J. Cluff	You've written 818 senyrus? My goodness! I would like a different title, it's not particulary expressive but understand the need to keep track. :) I like the color here and I love poems that incorporate clothing (the oft forgotten piece of a person, and an important one) because clothing really does make the man. The pink slip is interesting, because we don't know if it holds a person or not and the ambiguity leads to many separate conclusions one could make. Nice job - must be because you've had a lot of practice with these. :)	2005-10-02 16:35:38
Ah, The Blame Game	Kenneth R. Patton	I like this. It's an easy read, to the point and explains your position (which in this case, I happen to agree with) nicely. I like the rhythm and rhyme utilized and the well-structured stanzas. Only thing I would change is "wont" - it kind of seems like a hokey word and not in keeping with the rest of the poem....but that's up to you. Excellent job.	2005-10-02 16:29:41
Senyru (train watcher)	Joanne M Uppendahl	I like the way you connect these (I know, I've said that before, but it is a great idea so I'll say it again)...I think an epic senyru/haiku would be most novel and interesting. I like the alliteration you used here. I think however that this train watcher appears from the poem a bit suicidal, and I'm fairly sure that wasn't your intent. He/She appears that he is "letdown" because the trains have not hit him seeing as the protaganist is walking "between" the tracks. Just a thought perhaps needs a bit of revision if suicidal train watcher is not your intent and your intent is rather someone who is revelling in the unusual joy of watching trains pass (I like the sounds myself actually). Otherwise excellent work.	2005-10-02 16:15:58
I Think of You	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Morbid, but well crafted. Captures the emotion very nicely. I like the repetition of theme throughout each stanza, the continuity of it is great. The poem almost scorns the object of affection, when you say "I think of you when I don't think too much." Nice work Medard.	2005-09-30 23:51:23
Crucible of the Towers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	The sentiment here is good, and poignant since it is September and we are having disasters of another sort. However, the typos here detract from the message - "thoes" should be those, and the second instance of "stairways" should probably be "stairway." Otherwise well done and well worded.	2005-09-30 23:46:29
After Katrina . . .	Latorial D. Faison	Nicely crafted Latorial. There can never be a fast enough response to disaster, but people do the best they can. But yes, there are still stories to tell. You made the "If I were a poem I'd flow with fury right now" stand out well due to it's repetition. Good poem.	2005-09-30 23:39:20
In a Poem	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Excuse my ignorance, but what is "scowl her anther"? This is a pretty poem, I like the comparison of the beloved Lily to a flower. The first two stanzas are heavier than the remainder, laden with large vocabulary words. I don't know which part I prefer. Nicely done.	2005-09-30 23:30:48
love	charles r pitts	I like this one a lot. (Maybe because my poem this month mentioned fairy-tales and so did yours). Perhaps because unlike your others that I've read, this one is not dark at all. It has a nice rhythm, rhyme pattern, and I especially like the alliteration. My favorite phrase is the simile in the first line. Excellent work Charles.	2005-09-30 23:26:23
A Night At The Ballet	stephen g skipper	Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a bunch of haikus yes? (Or the version of haiku that's not about nature) I'm not very good at recognizing forms. In any case, I read another combined haiku from a different poem...I like them very much. I like the story here and the final stanza/haiku is the best. My only suggestion is that the female voice (and yes, I know you are speaking from the male perspective) is a little weak here. Perhaps that matches Paula's personality - I don't know, but would've liked to see more emotion on the right side, after all, it is her first ballet.	2005-09-30 23:10:57
Upon the Back of Dragonfly	Mary J Coffman	Mary, the rhythm and word choice here are excellent. I especially like the sound of "gossamer." The rhymes throughout are exquisite. My only suggestion (and it is a small one) would be to change/shorten the first line. It's slightly out of step with the rhythm and length of the rest. Excellent work.	2005-09-30 05:02:16
Penetrated	Dellena Rovito	Okay, am I way off here or is this about a person and their answering machine? If so, it seems to me that this person is quite afraid/annoyed with the world at large. In any case, it's well-written and almost like a riddle. Nicely done.	2005-09-30 04:58:36
truth	charles r pitts	Okay so now I know this is a cinquain? cintrain? Apparently I'm still learning. :) I like the accusatory tone of this one. I'm not quite sure of the ending however, it's not as powerful as the last one I read and while the rest is quite excellent, this strikes me as being the wrong word to end with (But alas, I have no suggestions for another word).	2005-09-22 23:50:54
A Scouse Haiku	stephen g skipper	Ah Stephen, I liked your other poem I read better. Darn those haikus, not my most favorite form. However, strangely enough you do not have to make them rhyme although this one does and is more humorous for it. Did the class laugh?	2005-09-22 23:48:02
betrayal	charles r pitts	What can I say? Love bites? Nicely crafted but dark poem. It almost looks like it's going to be a happy poem, but then you bleed. Life sucks that way sometimes. I like how you made the reader momentarily believe in hope as well.	2005-09-22 23:42:30
With Leaves Stirring	Mell W. Morris	This poem makes me thinking of cooking because you used colors that are also spices. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, it did distract me a bit. I suppose spices do come from nature and so if that's why you were using them it's fine. I like the profusion of grasses line best. I also like the picture of the horse, very majestic. Great opening stanza rhyme, I wonder why you did not continue a rhyme scheme since you can come up with creative ones (mine always fall flat). Nice work Mell.	2005-09-22 23:39:13
Monday Morning	stephen g skipper	Stephen, This is nicely done, with a cute ending. However there's one stanza that's just a tad bit too intimate for me (I don't know why, I'm usually not a prude) but it does tie in nicely with the ending. What is "rain riven"? Is this perhaps a typo? The commas at times feel a bit unnecessary at least in a rhythmic sense - not all of them, but a few. Also I would end the "Am I .... " statement with a question mark rather than a period since you are using punctuation. Overall great job.	2005-09-22 23:30:32
Senyru 157	Michael J. Cluff	Oh no for Donna! I hesitate to write a critique longer than the poem itself, but I do like the alliteration here. I'm not familiar with the structure of a Senyru, but I'm sure this is a good example of one. :)	2005-09-22 23:25:17
in honorarium...	charles r pitts	This poem has good rhythm and rhyme. I'm not really sure if the speaker is part of this shunned group or not. Technically, this poem has no errors but it's VERY dark. The plotline is a bit obscure as well, we know a lot about what this shunned group is feeling and experiencing but we know none of the WHY involved. I mean these aren't just abused neglected children because EVERYONE shuns them....I'm just a bit confused on the subject here. Great structure.	2005-09-22 23:22:10
there was another tree	zen sutherland	I like the way you are showing the poem, you are very descriptive with your imagery about how the tree appeals to all the senses. This is a very pretty poem, but it leaves us wondering why able is crying - actually, is this the same "Abel" of "Cain and Abel?" because I believe it is not spelled like it is in your poem. I actually would like to see some more capitalization and punctuation in this poem, I think it would read better if Eden and Abel were capitalized, but I see you don't capitalize your name either, so it's just an opinion. :) Overall, great work, I really enjoyed it. I would like to build a treehouse in this tree myself.	2004-05-13 00:48:43
LOVE	housam majid jarrar	Housam, I feel you are not a native English speaker, correct? What is your native tongue? While the thoughts in this poem are beautiful, it unfortunately is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors: free's should be frees, destrought should be distraught, "you visions" should be "your visions," resently should be recently, hault should be halt. I like the rhyme scheme you used here. The poem could be much improved by paying close attention to grammar and spelling and also by flushing out some of the ideas, tell us what colors the splendid display are, tell us about the visions, tell us about the wonders of the heart. Never assume you reader knows or can see the things that you can. Bring the reader the images of your mind into words. Thank you for sharing this poem.	2004-05-12 00:19:36
The deep divide	Mark Andrew Hislop	This is a very dark poem, but very true. I love the way the poem moves down the page as if things are missing, as if the protaganist is losing words and time through writing the poem down. It is potentially amusing, however we know that though the potential is there, it just isn't funny. The pain is the same though it is shared with millions. Interesting corollary that grocery shopping would be an escape. I like how this poem does not place blame on either party, merely tells the event and its consequences in imagery filled simplicity. It's a very forlorn piece however, absent of all hope, dating itself is a drudgery. I feel as if I'm intruding on a very personal plea. This is a quality piece, really, I have no suggestions, except for the fact that I don't know what a "half-generation" is, and so it may have no meaning to readers like myself, perhaps an equally dramatic time metaphor would be in order. Excellent job.	2004-05-12 00:12:00
The Boy Who Played with Barbie	G. Donald Cribbs	G. Donald, nice to meet you. You have read mine, and well, your poem was at the top of the list. I haven't critiqued in quite awhile so I may lack proper terminology. :) I was intrigued by the title of this poem, and I enjoyed the first two stanzas quite a bit, especially the links to popular culture. I can imagine the woman who walks en pointe, and it made me giggle. You, like myself, are a fan of non-rhyming poetry, that is, poetry that actually says something rather than trying to fit the thing that must be said into a pattern. One thing that could use improving is the part about "I made cities beneath the porch steps dusting off the window my soul lifts with the dirt we are made of" is a bit difficult to understand, that is to say, is the boy making cities with the dirt or lifting the window with the dirt, or is the soul itself being lifted with the dirt? See my dilemma? Perhaps rearranging the words or adding punctuation here to express further meaning would be of value. Also, flesh dividing in marriage gives a reader like me an image of divorce, which I'm sure is not your intention. Perhaps watching it multiply? Perhaps I don't know what the heck I'm talking about? Overall, a lovely poem, if a bit confusing to my previously uninitiated mind. Thank you for sharing this poem.	2004-05-12 00:01:22
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jillian K Sorenson	Critique Date

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