This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-30 13:13:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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With Grace

When night Draws a cloak of Mist about the clime, mayhap I shall ween your smile shining down With grace

Copyright © September 2005 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-10-07 18:50:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
Dear Marilyn, Wow, this is lovely. It has a dramatic flare, which is intensified by the wonderful imagery created in the first three lines - what an astounding thought - which immediately pulled me in - as the reader. The remainder of this poem made me feel peaceful, as the writer made a concious decision on how to proceed - then sad, because I believe the intention here is to someone you've lost - and will never forget. I really enjoyed this, and I wish you the best. Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-10-02 01:25:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn The smile of someone you love, called from this life? Touching, without being sentimental. God bless the short poem. Warmest regards Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-10-01 20:55:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
MT, The word "When" here is fascinating. Just it alludes to the time that night comes it reminds us of a time that there was no "night." "When," indeed. This is a "when time," when, the "cloak" is drawn. It has no power without the remembrance of lighter times, but alas, it has come, or, is this a forcast of what will happen when it comes. I think so, as you are still writing-----=) Just let me get away with being wordy! LOL! I remember "when" you first started to write cinquains and I teased you about the name of the form. I remeber that "when." LOL! But the larger question here is how shall we meet the "night" or perhaps, the "light." You answer that in your last line, even though you are using it to describe how the smile will be weened down and as a title. I think they call that more "bang" for the buck, or just good poetry! I like the use of the word "ween" here. I kind of get a personal smile out of that. Cheers MT, T
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-01 00:09:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91176
marilyn--From this cinquain, I glean a possible two-fold meaning, i.e., metaphoric and literal. (1) While scribe is looking skyward and hoping for a positive sign from loved one(s) whom she precieves now resides in heaven. (2) A second read may indicate protagonist in standard prayer position in hopes of a pious request being granted. Moreover, both reads gives a personification of night performing its routine in a special area. This, IMO, is another in a long line of poignant, personal and cathartic posts. This pithy write also displays scribes trademark imagery. Write on! TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-09-30 22:05:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, A very clever and beautiful touch with "clime." The word, of course, refers to the climate, the weather, but this poem is about the "climb" - a wonderful pun. I also appreciate the choice of "MAYhap" - another word that echos things pertaining to temperature, weather, seaons. Of course, as one who has a passion for things 16th century English, I couldn't help but smile at, and adore, that "ween." It reminds me that poetry should be fun, too. And the archaic associations of that word recall a time when the majority of souls did worry about things like "grace." A very beautiful and soft, warm poem about the eternal glory, with some clever word play. Do i also hear a play on "missed" in "Mist." Wow. That's a brilliant touch. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-09-30 22:01:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84483
Marilyn, Well structured cinquian, perfect count. You have given this reader much to ponder, to know that the loving smile will be shinning down, peace and grace, yes--this is so personal and I imagine most cherished as it should be. You offer so very much for the reader in the briefest of words. Very well penned, you are getting really good at these, Kudos. My warmest, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-09-30 18:59:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Is this about Joanne Morgan by any chance? The theme of a smile "shining down" -- like a moon, even through mist -- makes me think of her, so it's a poem suggesting more than a literal night and mist. But there's something intangible about mistiness, and the personification of cloaked night could also allude to death and its mystery. Concouidng with "grace" is also a clue, as grace is a spiritual blessing as well as a quality of movement. It's fitting that the cinquain opens with darkness and ends with enlightenment. I love your use of "ween", which is such an archaic word one hardly sees it these days (this complements "mayhap" which is also a very old expression). Since it means "suppose". it could be taken to imply "imagine", as if the speaker presumes that smile will be present even if unseen. The diction is also quite formal, as befits a tribute poem. Lovely! Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-09-30 16:31:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, there always seems to be something green when reading your verse. Not necessarily the color, but the life, enough rain and sunshine to cause healthy growth. With Grace – I know, without reading more, many strive for that “state”. Yet I have found many more who really could care less and think mouths open and flatulence are character enhancements. I know this has nothing to do with your verse, but it does. This world offers the “grace” and the “diseased”, and sometime along the way we must all find the “grace” in it all. I like the image of night drawing a cloak around us. The transitions of day to night and night to day are my favorite times; they hold the mystery of the coming time. Mist – the cooling condensing the moisture, and the smiles, of stars, of moon, of the “holiness” of the presence, that is, the evening’s coronation. So we return to “grace”, and that, in a nutshell, is why it is so endearing, for she dances with me, no matter the happenings of the day. A fine short verse Marilyn. (Wean?)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-09-30 14:12:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Marilyn, I'd never wean his smile ever. Enjoy it, keep it, savor it, use it, With grace its given.......... I think ween is to be wean. You will be fine, whatever you must do. Hugs Dellena
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