This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-10-16 17:56:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Wonder
Would you cry
if I say goodbye
or simply shrug
and tuck the memories away
to gaze upon some other day
when the need arose
and your world seemed gray
when your heart beats weak
will the memory come
to lift your soul ,to light your way
or remain there, ever
bittersweet? |
|
Copyright © October 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-30 11:38:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Nancy, this is an ageless question of value and loss. The value to one is unmatched except by the loss of the same. You handle the question in a poignant fashion.
I Wonder – This title is so wide sweeping, that it allows for your verse to remain unfocused, like the questions you pose; it recalls both the “value” and the “loss”.
Would you cry
if I say goodbye (either “Will in line one, or “said” in line two)
or simply shrug
and tuck the memories away – This screams of “listen to me” “look what the loss is”, and the sadness of such days resounds. The real question behind it is “if you tuck the memories away, did they ever have any real value to you?”. Well said, and the question remains throughout!!
to gaze upon some other day
when the need arose
and your world seemed gray
when your heart beats weak – An offer I think, of compassion; “I know you may also have hard days in the future, will you use our “valuable” shared moments to bolster your spirits?”. In essence, sanction is given for that very thing, because the writer understands the “value” and the “loss”, and believes the receiver can only do the same when those “losses” are put into painful perspective.
will the memory come
to lift your soul, to light your way
or remain there, ever
bittersweet? – To remain “bittersweet”, and the “resonant hope” within these lines bely that theory. When you hurt will our “memories”; When our soul is dark will our “memories”; in essence do our “memories” hold the power of my understanding of their “value”? There is hope here, for the writer “hopes” the answer is NO.
Such a sad verse, but I must say, it is a familiar question I have asked, and it has always been “bittersweet”.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-25 01:20:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
Personally, I have difficulty with emotion. That is to say I often wonder if people feel as strongly as I do or am I just a blip on their radar screen. So, I can relate to this poem's simple message. The last word sums it all up, a memory or set of memories that can be both sweet and bitter at the same time. Nice piece, interesting in that it is more universal than personal and yet still conveys a strong message. Good job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-10-16 21:29:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy:
This is a 'bittersweet' poem, and as such appeals to me particularly. Life is
bitter and sweet by turns. Those who say they love us drift away, sometimes for
reasons unclear. It always hurts. Add up each playground kneescrape, each bout
of flu, each needle poke and still, the quantity would pale by comparison to
waking, knowing that our lover/mate has grown indifferent to us. The memories
are there, as you show clearly here, but will they 'lift the soul' or 'light the
way' of the one who know seems not to see us at all, or if they do, as part of
something that has past, far past that first flame of intense love that couples
usually experience. "I Wonder" asks the question invisibly, as if the speaker
is invisible to the mate, who may take her presence for granted. It may not be
the end of the relationship, but the beginning of a new phase of it in which
roles have yet to be defined. And there is the possibility that the roles have
grown stagnant for each one of the pair. As you see, your poem has affected
at least this reader with its poignancy. Well done! It's a joy to see another
of your poems posted here.
Best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-16 21:11:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
How nice to see a poem from you. Your structure is good, the words flow smoothly and have a nice cadence to them. This easy read brought a smile to my face for there have been times in my life when I wondered exactly what you have stated here. How does one every know the answers to the questions you have posed here? I especially like :
when your heart beats weak
will the memory come
to lift your soul ,to light your way
or remain there, ever
bittersweet?
this offers reflection later in years upon having lost love and will it then matter more then to the one reflecting then it did at the time it happened. Very deep intense emotions, well written conveyance of thought. Thank you for honoring us with this poem. Kudos
Always
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-10-16 18:38:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy.......been there, done that, wondered about the tears falling but he did not care. Like the flow of this, you are not beating around the bush but telling it like you are probably feeling it.....emotions are always around us and this is one of those times. Actually this reminds me of my first husband and the time we finally said goodbye.........I cried, that I remember well...........now so many years later the memories he holds within surface many times over and he calls..........too late but he does call. Thanks for posting and sharing, I am certain this will touch many in many ways........I just hope this is not a personal happening for you at present. Take care, stay dry my friend. God Bless, Claire
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