This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-08 21:23:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Rain The rain
cleansing the soul
initiating new life
A transparent glaze
making its way
down the body
The harder it comes
the more rapid
the cleansing
The softer the touch
the more
the desire
To huddle away
avoiding the washing
only addresses the fear
To approach with
open arms
is to be anointed
By its' beauty
To respect
is to understand
To avoid
is to lack nourishment
'From the Rain' |
|
Copyright © January 2006 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-04 14:40:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Thomas
Visually here you carry the image of rain ... perhaps even a waterfall ... very effectively.
The thoughts of cleansing are mirrored in the visual too, as it is "clean" to look at.
Only nit is punctuation: you have "its'", which does not need the apostrophe.
Other than that, a lovely read.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-02-04 11:13:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10526
Are you saying I should walk in the rain more often? Here on the west coast which we refer to as the wet coast it has rained 32/39 days. Way too much for me. I'm growing webbed feet.Hmm. Guess I will need more nourishment. There is no way to avoid the rain except stay inside. And that's where I write this. The one thing I can suggest is to find a new more invigorating title.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-22 09:22:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I always enjoy a good tribute to something valuable to me like the rain. There will never be enough good poems addressing such a timeless natural wonder and fascination to mankind. Your wording is creative yet your meanings are clear....an often difficult task worthily accomplished here. I particularly like the stanza stating that those who avoid the rain are only afraid of repentance and renewal. Your message well said and well recieved. I also like the brevity of of the stanzas; this makes the poem sound powerful and somewhat "catchy" without initiating a rhyme. Justice well done to an inexhaustible subject. Nice work.
- B.G. Petit
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-01-11 14:47:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
Without water we will also die!
Water is life. It is the spirit of life.
You write of a baptism to life.
A cleansing that lets you begin anew living true.
We need a spiritual cleansing most every day.
We probable need a hard downpour.
I like the ease of read, the spacing. I think a better title could be found.
Other than simply 'Rain'. Something more drawing......Cloudburst!
Other than that I'm happy.
I believe you understand 'the rain'.
Could you tell more its cleansing effect?
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-01-10 08:45:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a most wonderful euphemism you make, Thomas, of the entirety of how one
might approach life. And, of the gratitude those living can have of the sensual
once they've decided on a courageous and open reception of what it has to offer.
Almost a Biblical thing. Your last stanza reaffirms this, admonishing, "To avoid
is to lack nourishment", suggesting the spiritual element and how it just might
formulate far more than we might imagine.
By this end (and this is the only suggestion I might make,) your success doesn't
need the "dropped" line, "From the Rain"....as if you were trying to de-expand
what you have so temporally expanded. The title suffices.
"A transparent glaze" is imagery at its best and is so fulfilling the poem does
not suffer any lacking by having so little imagery elsewhere. In fact, the adage
of a little being a lot, is achieved by it.
Your very structuring seems to impart a cascading effect to the reader, further
enhancing his/her experience.
Delightful.
JCH
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!