This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-01-15 21:17:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Vanishing at the Shore

                                                          None can tell why the moving towards this mastery                                                           Is like a rainbow, on a blessed wing -                                                           But all can say the vanishing.                                                                      Mark Steven Scheffer                                                                             from 'After Stevens'                                      One must leave to return.                                        When I recall your first rainbow ride,                                        The way the tide tugged at your feet,                                        Water and sand work against instinct,                                        That “Get out now,” that visceral scream –                                           How you let go, gave in to the wave,                                           Let the tide take you out to see.                                        And when an angle had been subtended,                                        And sky of bland blue unraveled its knot,                                        There against the dark clouds you arched                                        Your back and stood in defiance of the storm.                                           No more than a long Sunday cast from shore - There!                                           And you had disappeared into the froth and foam.                                        Come and go. Here and gone. Wave after wave                                        Crashed ashore and yet not one was yours.                                        Though all were yours. And stood we there                                        Waiting on the waves, calling your name.                                           How long you were gone we shall never know.                                           Long and gone are but tempos, nuance.                                       The ebb and flow of water over rock, and light;                                       The pregnant rainbow, now but a clever caption,                                        Or a boat bobbing seven leagues from home.                                       Once a lad with a box of eight crayons. Then -                                           Footprints in the sand.                                           And we are running -

Copyright © January 2006 Thomas Edward Wright


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-02-07 16:04:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
Well kept within divergent imagery and allusive metaphor, your poem speads gossamer sheen just like the image of a winged rainbow you borrowed from MSS. Yes, we are not at best, penned down to crusty absolutes and pointless designations. "a boat bobbing seven leagues from home" is close enough. Do "water and sand work against instinct" or is it merely to consider inglorious, aspects of change. This only, the cause of precious memory? Regardless, it is delightful to see your extraordinary Muse pricked by another, then you willingly share in that run, "Footprints in the sand". Always stay so young. JCH


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-03 01:57:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
TEW Knotty waves render footprints of the Great Haiku. covering the day. MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-01 07:40:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46429
The picture painted, the scene felt by the seashore. Time is shown passing by and hope is seen in the footprints. This is a piece that I will read again for the depth is definately there. I like the selection of words not overpowering and understandable. Your presentation is well structured and helps in the flow. My favorite parts include the following stanza's: And when an angle had been subtended, And sky of bland blue unraveled its knot, There against the dark clouds you arched and The ebb and flow of water over rock, and light; The pregnant rainbow, now but a clever caption, Or a boat bobbing seven leagues from home. Once a lad with a box of eight crayons A very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-22 11:16:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I enjoyed the somewhat blatant creativity of this peice, notably the bold and unusual word choices. ie "pregnant rainbow...." Lots of cool lines here...the title being equally as impressive, drew me in and rightfully so. Obviously the opening phrase is powerfully meaningful, a classic use of contradiction and contrast; a popular (but not tired) gem of the english language. The first stanza altogether is beautifully worded and would be my favorite had it not been so difficult a decision to make. Its poets like you that break the mold and stretch the english language, crafty in your odd choice of adjectives and skilled in your use of metaphor and description. This poem brings to mind synesthesia and sets itself apart from the typical everyday poem. The messages are intriguing as well, deep yet universally appealing. Another one for my list. - B.G. Petit
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-22 11:16:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I enjoyed the somewhat blatant creativity of this peice, notably the bold and unusual word choices. ie "pregnant rainbow...." Lots of cool lines here...the title being equally as impressive, drew me in and rightfully so. Obviously the opening phrase is powerfully meaningful, a classic use of contradiction and contrast; a popular (but not tired) gem of the english language. The first stanza altogether is beautifully worded and would be my favorite had it not been so difficult a decision to make. Its poets like you that break the mold and stretch the english language, crafty in your odd choice of adjectives and skilled in your use of metaphor and description. This poem brings to mind synesthesia and sets itself apart from the typical everyday poem. The messages are intriguing as well, deep yet universally appealing. Another one for my list. - B.G. Petit
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-01-21 22:57:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
TEW, I don't know what that guy's poem at the beginning has to do with any of this, but . . . I take it this is about your son. I take that because of some thing i've read from you somewhere recently - perhaps the Wright Family Christmas Update. I love the line, The pregnant rainbow, now but a clever caption, Amazing how that big universe out there becomes scenery for our play(s). Even so. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2006-01-16 13:40:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
"...let the tide take you out to see" === damn, unlike Mark, there are tons of lines that when I read them, I wish I had written them - but that goes inthe toop ten - that and: that and:L How long you were gone we shall never know. Long and gone are but tempos, nuance. nuance yep, natch lend me your muse damn-it
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