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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-08 08:37:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Dawning

I have misgivings when I feel the eye of heaven Bearing down on me. As if my blatant faults Are as easy to see as An open sore. Should I sink every Impulse like a bolt? That is an unanswerable Question, of course. The rain is rainier For being blown across Shadows and a fussy sky. There is nothing stupendous Here, nothing unseen Just an old truth dawning

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-08-06 21:46:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.71429
A moment of reflection. I liked the opening lines. Is there only one eye? Nothing stupendous but an old truth which is....? One of your more open poems. I hope you have resolved whatever it is.Good title.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-08-05 17:34:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I was told that we were all given freely 'gifts' from God. Life/eyesight/hearing/taste/love/children/emotion/mobility.......the list continues We could never do enough to repay for even one small gift. We will never be worthy. God gives us redemption just because.. We don't earn it/it's free to take. So if you accknowledge imperfection join everyone else. Know you're loved by love itself! Nice job. Del

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-08-05 10:18:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, How humbling an experience. Reading this poem I can feel the eye of Heavin bearing down on me as well. It's funny how exactly what I need to hear jumps right in front of me, just when I really need it the most. This piece hit me that way as I read it this AM. It's good to be reminded of the 'truth'. It's good also to peruse your work and especially to read: "The rain is rainier For being blown across Shadows and a fussy sky." Fresh new use of words. Love it! Thanks. My Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-07-16 11:50:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
In a limited context, Marilyn, the poem reflects the mood of disappointment. For there actually IS much "stupendous" going on AND, manytimes, "unseen". Some of these things I have attempted to introduce. Even in reply to Chris's sophomoric little exercise. What's remarkable about that is not one single question was raised over documented evidence that mind existed extraneous to brain. Isn't that stupendous? And, didn't its import go by unseen? I could go on all day with such examples. So, in subtsance I have to disagree with your poem's conclusion, but you do appreciate well the disappointment manytimes felt when we confine ourselves to the perceptions of others. Remember, you asked me to examine this poem. I'm not out looking for trouble, as so many would like to believe. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-07-14 10:56:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
mt--In this metaphoric write, protagonist seem to be having self doubts about what her activities/contributions to humanity has earned her toward salvaton; "I have misgivings when I feel the eye of heaven Bearing down on me. As if my blatant faults Are as easy to see as An open sore." Because of this introspection, speaker's esteem is in question, which of course is nothing new; "There is nothing stupendous Here, nothing unseen Just an old truth dawning" A poignantly written and bluesy work. Sorry if I've mistated this write (again). TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-07-12 16:16:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, This is wonderfully penned! Full of fabulous figerative language, and imagery. LOVE the title, it's the perfect lead-in to the body of this wonderful work. "I have misgivings when I feel the eye of heaven Bearing down on me." ......This brings to mind that "self-conciousness" we so often feel, or possibly a feeling of inadequacy. Love the "eye of heaven bearing down on me...." Gives it such an ominous feel "As if my blatant faults Are as easy to see as An open sore." .....WOW! What a picture THIS leaves in the mind. Very effective, and also reinforces that feeling of inadequacy you hint at in stanza one. I especially love the metaphor of the "open sore" ~ even though it's graphic imagery, it depicts the aprehension one feels with perfection. "Should I sink every Impulse like a bolt? That is an unanswerable Question, of course." ........."sink every impulse like a bolt..." Outstanding! It drives the point home, and gives it the "weight" it needs to deliver the impact it carries. And, there it is...the eternal unanswered question...how could we not relate to that! Well stated!! Excellent metaphor, again. "The rain is rainier For being blown across Shadows and a fussy sky." ......"..the rain is ranier..." Love it, even though it's grammatically incorrect, it's perfectly used here. Poetic license, eh? Yes! Well done! I also adore how you used "fussy sky..." Love the reference, and the assonance here. "There is nothing stupendous Here, nothing unseen Just an old truth dawning" .....reminds of that saying..."same day, same ol sh*t" *grins* We all have to face that "truth" day after day, or at least we should be. Love how you approach it, though. Excellent ending statement. It actually "sighs" with such utter indifferency. I adore the last line, too. "Just an old truth dawning." Isn't that the truth! Love the use of the word "dawning" here, as well. It's perfect! Fantastic job, Marilyn. I so enjoyed this fine offering! Definitely one for my list! Short, and succinct. A very powerful, and honest write. Thanks so much for sharing this gem with us. Brava! Much love and laughter, Mary

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-09 23:39:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, What a unique and quaint way to look at things that we see all the time and I guess we for the most part take for granted. Who doesn't have a few mis-givings of heaven's eye bareing down...there are no secrets there.... The meter of this is perfect as far as I can tell, you've knocked my socs off. Yes, all in all when everything is said and done it comes right back to, "Just an old truth dawning". I especially like the line/s, There is nothing stupendous Here, nothing unseen a simply and honest truth...so often it goes unspoken or unnoticed. Thank you for such a well penned and pleasant read. No nits from here, three red roses my lady, for you. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-08 11:56:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi, Marilyn. I really like this quiet and thoughtful poem. The 'eye of heaven' is a really cool line! 'Faults as easy to see as an open sore' is another really good line. The rain is rainier....cool! again, that is really neat! Did you ever try reading this poem without this verse? Should I sink every Impulse like a bolt? That is an unanswerable Question, of course. I think it flows even better without that verse. Omiting it doesn't take away from the other verses, but adding it doesn't help them any either. I just tend to think that verse doesn't fit in as well. I really like this! This is a great work. Smiles to you, Ellen

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