This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-07-15 18:24:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Mourner’s Cloth
As weed you wander
wild and free
To cluster where once,
life would be
You gather
at gray gravestones worn
Left tilted
weathered and forlorn
This place
where once was only thorn
Left from
the reckless rambling rose
That chose to die
but you arose
Your choice
to amble and adorn
You wrapped this site
where once they mourned
With blanket soft
you soothed the scorned
Sweet
Pearly Everlasting
|
|
Copyright © July 2006 Nancy Ann Hemsworth
Additional Notes:
Pearly Everlasting is a wild flower (weed) that grows in this part of Canada.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-08-06 21:27:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
Just a few words to let you know I stopped by to have a read. As always, I was not disappointed in poets write. This one I shall ponder on a bit more, but love that the wild flower is the only one to have chosen this place as a home. No nits from this person.
Warmest,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-08-06 08:06:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, this conjures such rich and vivid pictures in the mind of the reader. Wonderfully worded, it provides lots of imagery to digest. The tilted gravestones, the cemetary itself, and even the blanket of wildly growing weeds (Pearly Everlasting). It has such a melancholy 'feel' to it, as well. Love all the subtle rhyming included in this, too. (worn, scorned, adorned, etc...) All through this, you have that 'assonance' thing going on. Very nice. It provokes some deep thought, as well, about things/people lost and forgotten in time. The flow is so smooth. I enjoyed reading this picturesque piece very much! Brava, Nancy! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us.
Warmest regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-26 23:22:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
I like thee orn rhyming throughout. The poem flowed well as the wildflower rambled.
The only thing I questioned was soothed the scourned! I'm unsure what was scourned and why.
Other than that question, I enjoyed the idea.
I love flowers andeverlasting most appropriate.
Good job.
Title nice also.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-07-16 19:34:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Nancy--Scribe in these succinct phrases has limned an allegory of free
will. By choosing to live in a cemetery, providing cover and color for
these votive mounds is the right thing to do, especially when the more
beautiful of the flora family wasn't tough enough to handle these honorable
chores;
"This place
where once was only thorn
Left from
the reckless rambling rose
That chose to die"
The personification of this tenacious plant is very appealing. Thanks for
this uplifting write. Don't change a thing. Sorry if I've mistated your
intentions. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-15 19:21:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Nancy this is beautiful! Your voice is rich with passion, proclaiming it's a bittersweet victory. There are jewels in those lines; but I think they are still waiting to be uncovered.
**This poem is winning material in the rough**
I'd love to see what would happen to it if you 'polished' it. I don't want to give you words to use, but consider each line (regaurdless of long or short) as a total thought and carry it through. My goal would be to make it read with more flow. Don't leave 'air space' between your lines, except where you intend to.
I really like this style. It is intended for general audiences and leaves me feeling renewed and soothed.
Beautiful! Remember this poem may win just as it is written now! If it doesn't though, you should definately consider submitting it again.
Kudos to you!
Ellen
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!