This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-08-16 13:22:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Lies Cry out to those who speak in
Vain regret
Listless voices lost inside their
Wasted breath
Even a whisper can be a deliberate
Disguise and
Wind can shake a thousand lies from
The willow tree
or whip the sand from every dune
In tomorrow
Through a glistening fog of tears
You’ll see
A kernel of truth fracture the still
Of night
And light the mottled sky
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Copyright © August 2006 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-09-04 11:05:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
And what is truth? Is it of one or many? You equate lies with nature which is very interesting. Even a whisper ...I would throw "silence" in there as well.You have arrived at an interesting conclusion...that a kernel of truth will light the mottled sky. Who;s truth I ask again. This is a well laid out format with some interesting thoughts. Again, my own personal stuff creeps into the title.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-08-18 20:24:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
mt--After a number of reads, I still find this offering derides the current
society ills that starts with the "lies" of those in responsible positions
creating the situations that causes most of the world's anguish, devastation
and tears. However, through epiphany, redemption saves the day;
"Through a glistening fog of tears
You’ll see
A kernel of truth fracture the still
Of night
And light the mottled sky"
What starts out as a somber writes ends on an uplifting note. Well done!
I like your new voices. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-08-18 20:19:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
You have such a way with words!
Your poem moves along easily.
The form is great.
The idea of what a waste of life's time to lie.
The truth always sweeps clean the dirt beneath the rug....
I like this:
A kernel of truth fracture the still
Of night
And light the mottled sky
Your use of descriptive wording's most eloquent.
Smile!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-08-16 21:09:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
I like the resolution of this poem: you go from a two line stanza structure to a final line - definitive, no more duplicity. Like truth.
Interesting structure. Seems that the second line of each stanza is a noun, except for the "you'll see." You've got something going on here that escapes me. I'll think on this one again and again. I love these kinds of thought out structures in poems. Even if it takes so long for me to pick them up - I'd never critique if I waited until i "got" it. :)
Mark
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