This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-10-07 20:12:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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voices      trapped in yearning like captured fireflies        we tongue      in silent winks no spoken word to censor hastening heartbeats hands          speak in circles on my breast   in rose petal rhymes sliding along my edge     to palm paragraphs    down my stem leaves unfurling    opening    welcoming drinking your dew           as fingertips stroke slight sentences    up touch~me~not thighs until pollination                    raptures sending its seeds        to drift               upon jasmine breezes I lay            a crumpled love letter               waiting to be spread-out                              and written      again      and again                             .....and again ~

Copyright © October 2007 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
A "Touch-me-not” is a Mediterranean vine having oblong fruit that, when ripe, expels its seeds and juice violently when touched.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-11-07 20:29:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Damn Mary- your stuff ranks up there- don't be doing the readers work... if they don't know a "touch-me-not", then let them suffer. In a way, so wonderful is this verse- I am offended I payed the dues, looked to the sky.. listened to the beauty- ..and that which I don't understand.. I try and play.. working. I cannot forsee Walt Whitaman, or Percy Bithe Shelly- or the greatest of all balladeers - John keats or Lord Byron... explaining to the lazy.. the wonder of thier verse. By the way... you have such a feel... publish yourself... I will buy the volume- for those times I want to believe in love and virtue. night lady!Q!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-10-29 21:42:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Mary, I like the soft sensual nuances of this, and why shouldn't a flower feel passion and've used such colorful discriptive verbiage to bring us to the finali of your poem, one can only sit and read with held breath...and then, yes, a crumpled love letter that just can't compare to the passion of the "touch-me-not" flower's fruit. Brava! Namaste" Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-19 15:48:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
WOW Mary you have once again presented us with a superb read. Interesting form, words that flow and focus on allowing the reader to go where the feelings presented take them. Love the way you have connected these beautiful flowers and scents with the pleasure of love........Bravo....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-10-16 17:27:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary....this is an exquisite poem from the first word to the last. The words are soft, sensual and evocative and urged me to go back and read it several times. Your talent is really showing in this one as your writing has taken on a life of its own. Just as if you get an idea, take up your pen, and let it do what it will....wonderful! Please walk to center stage and take a bow! Oh yes, be sure to pick up the roses while you are there! blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Naome James On Date: 2007-10-12 17:22:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This was very nicely written and creative. My favorite excerpt is: "I lay a crumpled love letter waiting to be spread-out and written again and again .....and again" How wonderfully entrancing your words and your spacing. Thank you for sharing, quatro
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-10-10 01:04:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary!! I gotta say, this is exceptionally well writen. I enjoyed every beautiful word you penned. This alone.....hands speak in circles on my breast in rose petal rhymes.......can stand out alone and be writen as a haiku. (Though I have never writen one myself), seriously, you are a excellent poet. Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2007-10-08 11:46:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
To Sign... voices trapped in yearning like captured fireflies we tongue in silent winks no spoken word to censor hastening heartbeats (lovely) hands speak in circles on my breast in rose petal rhymes sliding along my edge to palm paragraphs down my stem leaves unfurling opening welcoming drinking your dew as fingertips stroke slight sentences up touch~me~not thighs [great feeling and sensual description and the allusion to the plant is wonderful] until pollination raptures sending its seeds to drift upon jasmine breezes I [lie] I know the word "lay" would make give it a double meaning but it just served to confuse me and perhaps you did mean to lay the paper - perhaps a comma after lay/lie? a crumpled love letter waiting to be spread-out and written again and again .....and again really nice work - R.
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