This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-03-07 05:28:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Friend O' Heart

It's been so long How was I to know That loneliness could be so quiet Yet, scream so loud Echoing vibrations of sorrow I cried this morning Waking from my nightmare And no-one was there to hear So, I watched the rain out the window Counting drops as they fell I did not mean to push you away Causing this uncomfortable distance between us I needed time to heal And time took you away Making me wonder if time is an illusion Robbing life of reality I'm sorry I've hurt you But I believe in your heart, you understand How else could I forgive me I think of you often and wish you well I hope you think of me too Yet, if you ever forget I promise to remember for us both

Copyright © March 2008 Rene L Bennett

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-03-29 19:11:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rene, Sad a relationship gone astray. Time does seem an illusion, at least it's a powerful weapon that destroys. The 'forgive me' twist has me wondering? 'Although it takes two to make a relationship. I'm not sure remembering for both floats my boat, maybe 'my memories endure for both of us... I don't know..... Interesting poem. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-03-27 07:07:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Good morning poet: nice easy flow to your words, good free style, easy to associate to for during one's lifetime we have all sent someone in a different direction then perhaps what our intention was and our own memories always bring them close to us again. Going on my list for the month and I wish you well, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-03-26 09:52:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A very heart felt write, which I can relate to, after my year 2007. It's simplistic in style, but holds depth in the meaning of each line - I feel the sadness, the internal pain - but the promise to never forget - and love how you end the poem, I promise to remember for us both. I know of the loneliness, the internal screams that no one can hear - the nightmares - those awful nightmares that persist through months - I'm not sure who you are apologizing too - but you've done a great job with this write. Bless you, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-03-17 22:33:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rene, I want you to realize something about poetry because I think if you do you will improve quickly and have more to offer. All of the image building of poetry is designed to give the reader an indistinctness with meaning that forces them to reflect on more than would prose, to actually build in the mind the coherence to "fill in" that meaning. In so doing, the reader becomes part of the reading, tangible to their own experiences, their own hopes and dreams. Rewrite this with these considerations in mind and I will be happy to expend every effort I can on helping you become better and better at it. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-03-09 01:21:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Rene, The feelings of missing someone dear flow very freely in this piece and help set the stage for a piece that seeks to establish that painful yearning to connect with someone who is apart from us - a lover, a friend, a departed soul......So, good job with the spontaniety of feeling. What i would suggest perhaps, is to brush in a few vivid images...that are unique and specific...You coulkd also structure this more (but keep that sense of spontaniety at the same time...coz i liked it in your effort). I could relate to this...thanks for posting. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-03-08 17:13:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rene...this is such a heart tugging poem. I think it is instinct that makes us pull away from someone, even if we don't intend to. Healing takes a great deal of time and just when we think we have overcome we are reminded that we have not. Written in free verse without punctuation works well for this poem. You have done a good job of letting the line breaks work for you...which is not always easy. Your last line is exceptional. A well written poem and one that I can easily relate to. Blessings...marilyn
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