This Poem was Submitted By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2008-07-14 21:20:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Days of grey...

A cashmere day to wear upon the mind Soft in grey, the warmth to keep, to find  Inside, to dwell a spell, let sink the spoils of cold, and raise the heated pot That boils the broth of Earls  to teas, to brighten dulled acuities. Laugh gentle life, you’ve been here before Your grounds succumbing to your sun’s implore To foggy rituals spun in gauze’ure clouds To tree limbs wrapped around the flocculent shroud Ancient voice, a toddy on the wind’ In size not large enough to hang within The softness of a day too wet to bear   Her tears except in minute fragment fare.

Copyright © July 2008 Lynda G Smith

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2008-07-28 15:59:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah what a gorgeous celebration of the English tradition of tea and toddy. I think your expression of it is the quintessence of the practice and I imagine you somehow in a dress with endless ruffles and lace with a white frilly tablecloth and doilies everywhere! The natural aspects you speak of are woven so nicely throughout, they seem to be just a part of the ingestion of the food and the spacious atmosphere, and where one begins the next ends. Very well done poet! Om, Regis

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-07-27 22:40:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello, I believe this is the first time I'm honored to read your poetry. Have to be completely honest and tell you, this is not an amatuer write. This poem, flows, expresses and seeps deeply into the readers soul. There are no flaws within this write, only "applause" for having read a unique, completely enjoyable read. Best to you, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-07-27 17:23:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your words certainly bring forth emotions, feelings perhaps of deep sadness, though it is so well written ...a cashmere day....the warmth to keep, To foggy rituals spun in gauze’ure clouds To tree limbs wrapped around the flocculent shroud Ancient voice, a toddy on the wind’ is all beautifully expressed and I thank you for posting. Certainly going on my list for this month's contest....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-07-27 16:50:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lynda, Lovely your poem. Sad a bit but very nice. Your language is wonderfully poetic. Tea for Earls, voices on the wind, softness of the day wet from the tears....... I'd title it 'Day of gray' . But all in all this is delicious. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-07-21 15:06:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Finally someone that utilizes enjambement with a purpose, AND does so well...improving both meter and rhyme scheme. Not that your poem really requires it to succeed, your internal rhyme is equally resplendent. I'm especially drawn to "the spoils/of cold....the heated pot/That boils..." You've a very interesting grasp of Middle English, your use of "toddy on the wind" goes well with the inversion, "in minute fragment fare". The superb novelty of finding the rhyme of "wind" with "within" is another delicate quality your poem has so many of already. With such subtlety I might suggest you find a more poetic adjective than "flocculent". Somehow it seems out of tone with all else. But a beautiful poem all the same. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2008-07-20 18:52:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lynda, I found myself immediately drawn to the feminine bent of this world. I know the mysteries are clouded in both- but sometimes one moves forward of the other. Days of grey... – Without this title, the meet of the verse is lessened. Although I do not think it is the title I would have chosen, it reflects into the piece, the authors view. A cashmere day to wear upon the mind – This line immediately brought to me “A Prayer for Owen Meany” (if you have not read the book by John Irving- all who have not read, have missed out). Your verse, from this first line- brought alive feelings and precursers that predict the feelings from within. Soft in grey, the warmth to keep, to find - allowing humanity to be characterized by the color of the spirit. I recalled, many times on the ocean I would wander down to aft flight deck and the horizon would be alive with many colors of greys, nothing more- and I marveled at the power. to teas, to brighten dulled acuities. – being an avid tea drinker, (Earl or not; nice play on words), this line added character to my vision of your craft. Laugh gentle life, you’ve been here before- Sweetness , simply sweetness. To tree limbs wrapped around the flocculent shroud –Wow, well said, - once again a simply well place analogy- that matches your “Days of Grey”. Ancient voice, a toddy on the wind’ In size not large enough to hang within The softness of a day too wet to bear Her tears except in minute fragment fare. – this piece could have come from the Irish bard, or the hidden poet seeking the reason for the day; and their desire. A well written piece. Definitely enjoyed it. Showed a lot of work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-07-16 15:09:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HI Lynda....this is an amazing poem and one I have read several times. Your imagery is very well done. Your last line was a surprise which to me is important in poetry. It is the mark of a good poem when it has a memorable ending. So many do not and are quickly forgotten by the reader. I read this as a metaphor of life, which I may be wrong about, but that is the way it reads to me. The occasional end rhymes add to the overall appeal and calming effect of the words. A well written and evocative poem. Glad to see you posting again and hope to read more of your work. Blessings....Marilyn
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