This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2010-03-02 13:00:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Questioning

Just there, beneath your skin Below the surface Where your blood flows, Meets the beating of your heart Just there, could I reside In the flow of your life's stream Float awhile, surrender Let your essence splash over me Drench me, in all that is you Would this be security, safety, life LOVE Or would I wash up upon the shore, Once more... Spent and wasted Or, simply drown, given the opportunity?

Copyright © March 2010 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-04-05 22:43:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy, Welcome! A love poem positing possibilities and done well. Introspection that comes from experience and time is never as blissfully optimistic as we see in youth. I suppose that's a good thing, and one good thing about age, is that in gauging the risks we might take, well, we get better at that too. Never take a chance you can't recover from, no matter how it turns out. Is that too conservative? Maybe. There should be exceptions to that and there is, but I haven't seen many of them. "security, safety and life" are requirements usually more related to having a good job or pension, for the modern woman anyway; so I don't see those words relating well to the ideas put forth in the first part of the poem. Sorry if that seems nit-picking; your poem is a nice addition to March at TPL. Terry


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-03-31 15:09:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Questioning Meets the beating of your heart (meeting (nice matching end rhyme) or “and meets”) Just there, could I reside (I Could) Float awhile, surrender (floating a while, surrendering, or and float away, surrendered) A wonderfully touching piece. I am a sucker for romance and ambivalence. You caught well the intricacies of both feelings, the desire and the fears. I particularly liked “your essence splash over me” and “drench me”. The combination of “beneath your skin” and “below the surface” play well to the passions. thank you for a fine walk where I always enjoy the moment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-03-27 17:32:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, Always you must wash ashore to yourself. If we could just eat up the loved one as the black widow spider does after mating. Thus her babies are part of both of them in actuality. You have captured that love essence and show how it all plays out to aloneness. Always and eventually. Alas the sweet/sadness of love. Good job, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2010-03-11 20:38:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nice - Sensuous. Watch out for Hislop. He's an antipodean lecher. Welcome to TPL. Arnie? Is that you. No. Can't be.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-03-11 16:09:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nicely written piece, thought provoking, and wishful if we were ever be given the opportunity to delve so deeply into another person. Great imagery - Just there, could I reside In the flow of your life's stream Float awhile, surrender Let your essence splash over me ARE MY FAV LINES.......good job. If the opportunity is given, the writer could soar, or as said quite poeticaly drown of the horror they might find. Love it, blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: claire currier On Date: 2010-03-10 23:31:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Nancy hope you are well. Interesting read, well penned, enjoyed the read and all the images it created in my own mind. I know you write from your heart, perhaps there is something or someone new presently in your own life and if so I would listen to the beating of your own heart and don't be afraid to take hold of the opportunity given you. I am sure this piece will make the months contest and I am so pleased to see how you continue to grow in your penning. God Bless, Claire
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