This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-04-07 21:45:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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She's tied to a dream livin' life blind not knowin’ his scheme thinkin' he's one of a kind Refusin’ to see cravin’ love to show on her knees she pleas for him not to go In bitter back thought the signs were there night's outing he sought family ties hidden with care He's a hot ticket item always seen around laughin’ at ladies fightin’ flockin’ to his sound He's a night stalker  day walker one easy smooth talker everyone thinks he's a player but he's really a slayer Like a shark  he selects his mark waitin' silently in the dark don't take him home leave him alone Her dreams shattered to him they didn't matter his game is done,  he'll be home by the risin’ sun

Copyright © April 2010 Lora Silvey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2010-06-22 11:47:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Lora, I hope you are the right lora, Cheyenne told me to read and comment on your poetry so I am. I only found these four poems and of the four this is my favorite. Of all four I only found a typo on the third but i am sure you know about it. I thought Babes first breathes just a tad rough, should it read babe's first breaths instead of breathes? Anyway that is the only thing I can suggest for all four poems. I think (From only four it's tough) one of your strengths is that you can say alot without being verbose or esoteric although I scrambled for a dictionary to see what Ganglia meant. I think many writers feel a need to use big and rarely used words. Most of the time it does not work. my favorite poets are the ones who write like you, it makes the poem more powerful and enhances the pace of the read. You are a very polished poet and I will look for your stuff from now on. Cheyenne told me about how hurt you were last Jan. and although I found a few incredible posts I have not found the exact ones Chey wants me to read. She told me how upset they had gotten you. I wanted to let you know how sorry i am for what happened to you. Although I haven't found the exact post i read abunch of cruel ones. People who don't follow the rules drive off the good poets and we are left with a weaker site and just look at how many are gone. Chris has set this great thing up and some people take it as a life and death struggle. Quantifying poetry is not easy it's mainly personal choice. Hope everything is better and write me anytime you want to talk poetry. Ps Cheyenne did the final edit on my book. let me know if youd like to read it. know you are an excellent poet and don't let anyone deter you from writing. thanx mk

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-04-30 17:37:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora, The 'jerk' whomever he is or was. [some] Men are enough to drive a women to be an old maid. Smooth talker night stalker! Can't live with or without them. Pitiful fo both. Good job, no unnecessary talk. Straight p. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-04-18 10:55:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nice poem Lora. Love your word choices to describe someone who can't appreciate home & family, and needs to go out to strangers for that extra boost to ego, and fill up their nights by being a "louse." I married one, years ago. These thoughts you have put in to poetry form are thoughts I sat up nights with. I love it, it's got a great flow, and each of your verses made me want to keep reading about this "character." Love the ending, only for me back in my youth I would wait for weeks and was lucky when he finally left for good. Very good poem, which I'm sure all will be able to understand and appreciate. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2010-04-13 12:43:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Lora, Nice read. Good use of simile and metaphor. Thanks, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-04-08 14:38:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Lora, There is nothing worse than falling in love with the wrong person or falling in love with the right person who treats you wrong. I don't recall a poem of yours that rhymes, you usually write free verse, but having said that you have written this piece in excellent rhyme. Using the line breaks instead of punctuation works well here. This is a poem that could easily set to music. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
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