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This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-08 16:11:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Mortal Soul

Awash in littered limbs of pain are far away homes lit with light unseen by mortal souls Inside the sorrow lies a heart fractured and alone Its sighs are soft, never heard but linger long in wounded memories Veins of clouds cleaved from molten gray clot the sky then hurls stars that lost their twinkle long ago Unhealed scars drop tears of blood like a crimson rose bleeds red or sutures that rip and refuse to hold Contrary to dying winds there is movement enduring reason pulsating deliberate life unfolds where once there was none

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-30 10:46:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Fantastic poem, especially the 3rd verse - love Veins of clouds cleaved from molten gray Very sad poetic write and knowing you feel these intense emotions and are able to pen them out - to others, and make a chilling write so true and so candid of mortal life. I'm impressed again with how you form your thoughts and neatly arrange a poem that is mesmerizing. Best to you, blessings Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-11-27 22:43:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I know you speak of "mortal soul" in your title, and the end is not surprise- child birth is a traumatic thing leading to a wondrous outcome; that all "seeds" if you will the sprout, reaching through hard soil and rock to reach the sun- and become life. I think you and Mandie have set a tone for this month. It is time for the readers to sit up and take notice. Thank you much for you contribution.

This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2010-11-08 23:07:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I am definitely going to need some explanation of this one for sure. I am absolutely sure you know exactly what you mean. I like how you placed the words one upon the other so I also need to know what was in your head when you wrote them. Can it just simply be about death and rebirth? I am really not normally a fan of common writing I prefer what I call more traditional poetry. Liked it enough to write this though. Thanks. Kevin.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-08 16:49:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, I think this is brilliant! you employ such image provoking descriptive phrases that are undoubtedly poetic. I sense such pain and yet towards the end a glimmer of hope as there is movement, life unfolding, "where once there was none." Could this refer to a new life created? or perhaps the re-igniting of the soul who had once 'died' in the dark depths of despair? This write leaves me with the thought that there was something very horrible that occurred, and yet, despite this tremendous pain, healing has begun. Thank you for sharing. Mandie

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