This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-15 18:09:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Sea Speaks The briny sea has spoken once again
I hear the swells that heave aloud
its waves are gray like colored hues in rain
that wrap the clamor like a shroud
I must believe the stories sailors tell
of blackened tides that steal the breath
with storms that rage the sail without a bell
then mark the innocent for death
The cold and numbness slowly spreads to me
when roils of purple clouds beset
my soul and endless dreams can’t ever see
the fear I feel and still regret
With dying winds that call my name I pray
the water welters come ashore
then speak in rhyme with rhythmic words that sway
with flow that ebbs to calm my core
If ocean’s floor becomes my mortal grave
I’ll still recall the joy I felt
when cradled warm inside its tempered rave
and laud the nave where first I knelt
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Copyright © November 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2010-12-01 14:04:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, in my humble opinion part of what makes this poem so great is the fact that you live thousands of miles from the nearest sea. I know your mind is sharp as a razor but do you have a photographic memory? You captured the feel and motion of the sea rather well and it makes for an enjoyable read. Welter sent me scrambling for the BIG dictionary and what a word. I have to steal that one. a perfect fit because it describes the ocean water in a tremendous way, but you knew that before I did. Wyomings winds are not anything like the Sea but boy did you write this as if you were sailing. A-1, very good job, mk
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-11-28 01:32:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Another poem from your accomplished pen that dances across the page as if we are rolling with the sea and its
waves. The lilt and meter makes for an exceptional read while your rhyme pattern remains spot on. Kudos my friend for such an exquisite poem of life and passion. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-26 23:44:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Cheyenne, I notice you tailor a lot of your poems around the sea - it must be a good place for your soul to speak from.
Honestly breathtaking, once again you've honed in on content with the poetic artist in you laying out a story - with imagery, great lines to remember - as in your 3rd verse pleasing me the most in this piece -
you've topped again and I'm fortunate to be able to read another great poem of yours,
blessings
Deni
P.S. Praying my end is not on the oceans floor even though the ocean is one of my fav places to be near in life,
the cold long death one must endure...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-16 16:03:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
cheyenne,
Brilliant! your rhymes are perfect and the meter too. I love how the words and phrases in this just roll off the tongue just as waves roll onto the beach. I like how you tie in the end rhymes in the last stanza in the middle of the line (and laud the 'nave' where first I knelt). Now, I know you have mentioned before that you struggle to write free verse, but may I say, not to worry, not to worry for you write brilliant structured rhymes. :)The images portrayed with the flair of your pen are wonderfully vivid - I want to reach out and touch the sea, hear the sea, be swept away by the sea. Thanks for an enjoyable read.
Mandie
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