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Honestly Speaking I’m trying to move on But something keeps drawing me back Let go I have But resolution I lack Strong family ties Tug hard at my heartstrings Severance is hard That damn bloody thing Deep seeded trauma bonds Tie us together in shame The unspoken occurrences Of their deadly games Relationships built up on denial Unhealthy they continue to be Unless we can find a way To speak our truth honestly |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-12-02 11:42:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, a heart spoken piece, and as I have said, a biography that probably would do the world well. Occassionally I find a piece I wish to speak to, structurally. My suggestions are just that. Please see what I would do with this piece in an edit.
Honestly Speaking - Great Title
I’m trying to move on
But something keeps drawing me back
Let go I have (I have let go)
But resolution I lack
Strong family ties
Tug hard at my heartstrings
Severance is hard
That damn bloody thing (Insert “From†before that)
Deep seeded trauma bonds (I would put “us†at the end)
Tie us together in shame (Replace “Tie†with “Tyingâ€)
The unspoken occurrences (“Occurrences†is an adequate word, but having read this piece several times I think “distraction†or “disruption" or something along those lines, would better serve your purpose)
Of their deadly games (My suggestion is “memory’s deadly†or “regret’s deadly†or similar)
Relationships built up on denial (“uponâ€)
Unhealthy they continue to be (“Unhealthily continue to beâ€)
Unless we can find a way
To speak our truth honestly
I really appreciated this verse. It is moving and draws the reader to finish. Thank you very much for sharing it, and your forbearance in my editing mode.
Tony