This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-06-10 17:37:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Ruffles His fingers softly tap as rains impress
Then fall on leaded panes that time has scored
On every ruffle of her lovely dress,
His silent love he fears can’t be restored.
About him lie his dreams that bind and stress
His thoughts that wander clothed in hues adored
On every ruffle of her lovely dress.
In amber mist he kneels before his Lord
And drowns his soul in words he can’t express.
The shadows hide from tears he cries at night
On every ruffle of her lovely dress
While liquid drops are spilling chords of light.
His bond is truthful love that won’t digress
From every ruffle of her lovely dress
|
|
Copyright © June 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-06-17 11:07:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow, what a little tart this faux sonnet is...Excellent job with your iambics, rhymes etc... If one didn't look too close they'd assume this to be a sonnet though we know it isn't--the repeating line and the couplet rhyme are a give-away... You express so well the scene, excellent verbiage and wonderful image creation in this compact little poem. Bravo, poetess--roses at your feet. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-06-14 08:23:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Cheyenne, I am not sure what is happening here, other than a tragic love. I believe his love is dressed in a casket, and he spends time at the wake- I do wish I had one more clue.
It is a stirring piece that changes my mood each time I read it (and before speaking here, I have read it many times).
For meter sake, I do have a suggestion: S1L4 Fearing his silent love can't be restored
Little changes, and maybe not necessary. This has been a touching read- and the last line draws it out to the soul- a wonderful final emaotional pull.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-06-13 08:35:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Someone special is heating up the Summer posts with a tender poem of love.
Normally repetition distracts me but not in this piece at all - in fact I find it enhances the read
with just a hint of imagery to make it stand out.
Word choices are marvelous - each verse brings not only the message out - but
engages the reader to want to read on. That is true poetry -
Your 1st verse entices the reader and the last verse takes all of it in tying up a
wonderful poem with the last two lines.
I've nothing to say aside from the fact that I love this piece - for everything you have
put effort in - for the joy it gave me in reading it - and for that special Cheyenne
style - that is yours and yours alone.
Beautiful, and on my list for June.
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2011-06-11 11:30:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I'll admit I'm a sicker for sonnets (it's may favorite way of writing a poem ) , every line and word rings right to me. so I wouldn't change a thing.
thanks for the pleasure of reading your lovely poem
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!