This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-05-11 16:23:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ticking Bomb

Sometimes I feel like I have a ticking bomb in my chest I remember well when my heart was broken perhaps it healed a little crooked if so I know not who can make it right again If I could circle it with my hand I could darn it like an old sock I assume no future as ghosts gather at the foot of my bed each night They laugh at my crooked heart which is only as real as words can make it

Copyright © May 2012 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2012-08-01 17:10:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I accidently got here and saw your name. It's obvious why you won, absolutely wonderful and not like your other stuff, very different and very original. I got sucked in by the conversational way it was written. Crooked heart is a wonderful concept as are laughing ghosts, it was even better the second read and was perfect and ready to publish or enter in other contests. Two thumbs up! mk

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-06-07 19:00:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne. Nice job and it feels real. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-05-25 21:08:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, A good poem. Very nice. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-05-15 01:44:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
OOOOeee Awesome! These pictures are good! I really like this. If I could circle it with my hand I could darn it like an old sock ~~unique! fresh! and very satisfying too. I love that, like a tiny jewel hiding there. If only we could do that! Wouldnt our love be so much more tender? only as real as words can make it ~~maybe not so original thought, but you made it work by using it at the end of something illusory, and original. I really like this. This is great stuff! I cant say that the title is right for it, or not. Its ....well, its ok but could be improved upon? Maybe something like 'crooked heart' .... ~smiles~ Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-05-14 16:50:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Understanding these intense feelings myself I can only say you've pulled together some very wonderful imagery that lets the reader in to feel with you. Very nicely done, blessings, Deni
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