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My Soul Dreams
My soul dreams in perfect pictures hears in sounds to delicate for the mind to know My soul run miles without the need of feet or wings or reason without minutes,days or seasons My soul can fly without the need of sky float with out oceans move with out motion Think without notion
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regina M. Heller On Date: 2016-05-06 00:10:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joe, "too" delicate in the first stanza, not "to" delicate. great image. in the second stanza "runs" should have and "s". This is my favorite stanza of the poem. Great meter, I love "reason" and "season" because you made the meter stutter a little... that's a good thing but I can't explain it... so the rhyme isn't perfect, its internal sort of. I kind of wish "wings" could be saved for the next stanza which is a flying stanza. I tried substituting "without feet or shoes" but it fell flat, lol. I do like the imagery of the "winged heel" but it blurs the line between running and flying. Whatever. It's a great stanza. The final stanza is so good. But I tripped over "think without notion" because it rhymes beautifully but I don't know what it means. I mean, I do, I can figure it out, but it isn't supported somehow by the rest of the poem. It made me think the next line could be "and do the locomotion." Just kidding, but I really think that rhyme has to be almost internal or invisible or else it really can jump out, like a distraction. Unless of course that is your intention, but it doesn't seem so from the "stuttering" rhyme in your second stanza. I think you could do without "think without notion." It detracts from the preceding end rhymes which are... poetic. Nice work.
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