This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-04-16 01:34:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Soul Dreams

My soul dreams  in perfect pictures hears in sounds to delicate for the mind to know My soul run miles without the need of feet or wings  or reason without minutes,days or seasons My soul can fly  without the need of sky float with out oceans  move with out motion Think without notion  

Copyright © April 2016 Joe Gustin

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regina M. Heller On Date: 2016-05-06 00:10:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joe, "too" delicate in the first stanza, not "to" delicate. great image. in the second stanza "runs" should have and "s". This is my favorite stanza of the poem. Great meter, I love "reason" and "season" because you made the meter stutter a little... that's a good thing but I can't explain it... so the rhyme isn't perfect, its internal sort of. I kind of wish "wings" could be saved for the next stanza which is a flying stanza. I tried substituting "without feet or shoes" but it fell flat, lol. I do like the imagery of the "winged heel" but it blurs the line between running and flying. Whatever. It's a great stanza. The final stanza is so good. But I tripped over "think without notion" because it rhymes beautifully but I don't know what it means. I mean, I do, I can figure it out, but it isn't supported somehow by the rest of the poem. It made me think the next line could be "and do the locomotion." Just kidding, but I really think that rhyme has to be almost internal or invisible or else it really can jump out, like a distraction. Unless of course that is your intention, but it doesn't seem so from the "stuttering" rhyme in your second stanza. I think you could do without "think without notion." It detracts from the preceding end rhymes which are... poetic. Nice work.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2016-04-23 09:11:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joe, this is such an easy and comfortable meditative moment that you have shared with us. I enjoyed the easy flow that pulls your reader through your lines and also causes one to stop and contemplate your thoughts. Nicely always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2016-04-18 19:21:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Great poem Joe - I love this one- the impact of what a soul can truly do is unimaginable but can be seen with your words and precise verses that are injected with mellow verses that can not escape what you have written - The last verse is my favorite - in imagery - Kudos to you - blessings, Deni
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