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This Poem was Submitted By: Ken Dauth On Date: 2003-09-03 17:57:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Epitaph

Lay me to rest at the end of year Days that are less then cool when they touch Evenings that arrive too soon and mornings That wait to rise on the day Put me down for the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway A place difficult to visit where no one to shed the tears of condolences meant not for me Lay me to rest when the year is done Alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw Above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day The sun would have no place I’ll walk to that place and mark the ground with Amends to the way I lived Acknowledgement to those that wanted more A simple faith for what is to come

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 21:56:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45098
This seems to be a dark poem yet I like it for it talks about regret and how many feel about themselves, insignificant. Your flow was right on and kept this reader focused on the words. The length was perfect for the thought and each stanza represented a variance to the view. Your ending complemented the other three stanza's yet I still feel a change can take place for it is not so final. Thank your for sharing a poem with depth I enjoyed it. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-10-01 09:32:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44000
epitaph...re about "endings", last words. This poem more is about last "placements". Putting yourself into some out of the way setting to await the resurrection. Someplace noone will come to accidentally. But why no sunshine, why only shade/shadow? Tired of hot days, simmering heat? Too much light shone on how you should have lived? intersting questions. Love the last line "A simple faith for what is to come." A line of hope at the end.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-23 19:36:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ken: I like your poem for many reasons and I will try to convey those to you. An "Epitaph" for me is a life examined. Many men throughout histroy wrote their own epitaphs and a famous one is Yeats': "Cast a cold eye On life, on death. Horseman, pass by." There appears to be a recollection of poet's life in "Epitaph", a dissection of wrongs done more than a look at positive events or accomplishments. The tone of the poem is noir, sad; seems as if poet feels he deserves no grand parades nor tributes...he doesn't even merit the sun's appearance. "Lay me to rest at the end of the year ....very poetic and lyrical.... Days that are less then cool when they touch Evenings that arrive too soon and mornings That wait to rise on the day." Linguistics that shines. The days are too short, the night is long, and mornings come quite late. I like "days less and cool when they touch". "Put me down for the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway ....I think "nearest road" would be perfect for the tone.... A place difficult to visit where no one (will) shed (the) tears of condolences meant not for me." "Sun does not see" is a grand phrase and you give us rhymes of see/me. This is bleak and mournful if poet foresees no one noting his passing, no one shedding tears of loss. Has his life held no meaning for anyone? Now that is truly sorrowful but mayhaps poet is a depressed state where it feels no other cares. Bury you without sun, in a place hard to locate. "Lay me to rest when the year is done ....nice repetition of 1st line, a beautiful sentiment... Alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw Above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day The sun will have no place." A gothic painting in sepia tones: the grave, a crooked old tree standing sentinel, nearby thicket, and forever cloudy. Stark, sere, shadowy. Bleak, chilly, drear. A bit of rain would help make it more morose. "I'll walk to that place and mark the ground (with) With amends to the way I lived Acknowledgement to those (who) wanted more A simple faith for what is to come." Absolutely beautiful poem with a superb ending. Remorse for errors of the past, a nod to those who didn't get what they wanted from you and an inspiring, tender end line: "A simple faith for what is to come." Simple faith being of highest value, IMO. Whether you write your own epitaph or someone you know, the character/narrator in your poem is so perfectly defined by what he wants to live on as his legacy. The poem is haunting and casts a spell so that means excellent writing. i will return to this one with frequency. I sense a yearning in this bitter person, a tender and hurting heart, a goodness he doesn't himself see. You get my vote. Best, Mell Morris

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-16 05:19:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ken, “Epitaph” --- From the title itself, the poetic nature of your poem here already radiates. The simple choice of your title appropriately fits the message of your entire poem. I like it! “Lay me to rest at the end of year Days that are less then cool when they touch Evenings that arrive too soon and mornings That wait to rise on the day” --- The serenity of your words is very much felt in every line and every stanza of the poem. Here, I enjoy the “winter” mood of the moment. You captured its true ambiance! Readers can easily relate and somehow affected by its gloomy atmosphere. “Put me down for the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway A place difficult to visit where no one to shed the tears of condolences meant not for me” --- “Lay me” and “Put me down” - I like how you present each stanza with too much personality. As if the poem is directly and actually communicating to us readers. You bring the closeness and connectivity of your poem to your readers…and I find it very effective! The last two lines are strikingly unforgettable…it somehow etched a deep contemplation to one’s thinking. “Lay me to rest when the year is done Alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw Above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day The sun would have no place” --- Wow, the imageries are inescapable! Your poetic prowess truly shines within these lines. You never fail to stir such unsettling emotion through your careful choice of words. Enticingly memorable! “I’ll walk to that place and mark the ground with Amends to the way I lived Acknowledgement to those that wanted more A simple faith for what is to come” --- The entire stanza left such strong language. It deepens the simple legacy of the “speaker”. How a “simple faith” moves and brings impact to loved ones. Such peaceful ending… Kudos on your fine here Ken! This is truly mesmerizing! I find this skillfully written! Plus, the amount of thought-provoking and inspiring value it brings to the reader is huge…beyond descriptions. I sure enjoy the read! Thanks for sharing this to our enjoyment. For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-09-10 23:38:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hey Ken, what's up? Such a dooming piece. I can certainly identify though, each month when I see my credit card statement. Got two in college that manage to hold down jobs, but always seem to fall short when their car insurance is due! Like this one, cept for this stanza, more specifically the first and third lines. "Put me down for the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway A place difficult to visit where no one to shed the tears of condolences meant not for me" Somehow they seem awkward. Perhaps you could condense them more. Maybe say: "Reserve for me, a hidden place the sun can't see". A good distance from the highway Too difficult to visit; so no one can shed tears of condolences meant not for me". Everything else seems to lament according to your wishes Ken - and that it does very well. I'm all bummed out now, as a testament to this fact - ha ha Cheerz, T

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-09 17:39:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ken, An epitaph is usually sad and full of the great and wonderful deeds the deceased has accomplished but this one is a simple plea to be laid to rest where serenity abides and there is nothing to distrub it. The imagery here catches my eye as I have so often seen these places... .."a good distance from the highway"...where I live that is easy as we have so many wide open spaces where we are free to wander..."alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw"..."above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day"....peaceful, quiet,un-bothered by the din of the world, the confusion and nervous-ness of man. I have been to this place..it is in the mountains of Colorado where I once went to a friend's funeral. She was buried on the side of a Mountain under a large pine tree. It was at summer's end so the air was clear and a little crisp. I have never forgotten that place and have often thought anyone laid to rest there could look down from heaven and see themselves at peace. Anyway I don't know what prompted you to write this poem but I sense a little guilt..."amends to the way I lived...." This is a lovely piece which I will put on my list of poems for the month. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2003-09-09 16:46:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I am very touched by the lonely, distant emotions in this poem. A powerful and most adequate title, fits the poem very well. I like the phrase "lay me to rest when the year is done".....powerful and even haunting in a way; effective when used twice as you did. Your most personal and well-gaurded feelings shine as you request a hidden burial difficult to visit ; you wish not for pity and set yourself apart from the other buried "lives." The third stanza is interestingly descriptive ; you indicate the changing seasons and the crude and sorrowful nature of your poem is represented by the wrangled old tree by which you are buried. The last stanza is an excellent closing, a final "memorial" to the life of your poem ; leaving a good memory of your work. Deep and right up my alley ; well done! - Brandon

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-08 06:02:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is a very great literary piece commemorating a deceased person. A quite serious but a significant piece inviting the readers to meditate deeply. This is a good point because it makes the readers participate to the emotions it convey. The entrance line "Lay me to rest at the end of year" is very participating and this gives a good impact to your readers. The second stanza is enhanced by apt imagery "the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway A place difficult to visit where no one to shed the tears". This is very intriguing. A very sorrowful yet if you meditate deeply it would create mercy to the one who speaks it. "a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw"-a very strong description. The soudnof w in "wrangled/waiting/thraw" creates a good point. Likewise the sound of "d" cloudy/day. This suggests creativity. A little comment on this line: Days that are less then cool when they touch - think "then" should be "than". Well, you might did it intentionally for poetic purpose! Also in this line "Evenings that arrive too soon and mornings". I would prefer entering the words "and mornings" to the next line (or fourth line). Finally, this one is very poignant and the ideas run flow from the start and creates a perfect ending "Acknowledgement to those that wanted more A simple faith for what is to come". Ken, I hope i put a significant input in this one. A great poem. All my best, Jordan.

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