This Poem was Submitted By: Jeff Green On Date: 2003-10-13 10:54:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2003 Jeff Green
Reclining on a deck-chair
next to a tiled pool
watching the Euphrates
the palace grounds
a perfect place
to unwind for a few days
watching the smoky haze
drift over the other bank
where women fill gas cans
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-23 20:53:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
For reasons that are beyond me this poem is both very sad and very funny to me. Irony, I know is a foot. I tend to think irony is hilarious but this isn't that kind of irony. I love juxpostion of the modern deckchair and the ancient world Euphartes so gaurded by our jr high text books.
The entry of women in the this mostly wmasucline scene of war is startling. It will definately make my best list.
Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-21 13:32:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
This has such stark contrast between the first and second stanza.
Unbelievable the effect it has on this reader.
To be sitting amongst the wealth while viewing the destruction must be more then a little strange.
I'm sure , however, that it is much less unsettling then to be in the midst of the fighting.
Should I assume you are a soldier in Iraq? I know I shouldn't assume, but that is where the Euphrates
River runs, I believe. You wouldn't have to be a soldier, that part is a guess.
This flows well without puntuation and the 2 stanza , five line composition is a good way to present this
with the first stanza and second in complete contrast with one another.
Your use of reclining as the opening word falls right into place with the title "R&R".
The use of the repetitive "W" sound makes one think of another "W" word----WAR
You paint quite a picture in the mind with this one, Jeff.
Thanks for sharing and reminding us there is war, death and destruction goin on in the world
and we should be prayer for all our brave American soldiers safe return.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-14 10:19:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah, yes .... R and R between cannon blasts and across centuries. Love it. Great great statement
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-14 05:25:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.50000
Jeff you must be a military man or in a position to observe some pretty horrific things. Your words are simple but very descriptive of a beautiful and peaceful area--some distance away from the 'terrible stuff'. Enjoy your Rest and Recuperation/Relaxing--above all, stay safe and keep writing--TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-13 12:34:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Well poet if you are in the service of your country and R&R is in true form it seems to me that youare enjoying a relaxing time (if such a thing is possible in war zones) near a pool within the confines of a palace and at the same time watching mother nature drift by.......a lovely picture created within the opening stanza due to the structure of the piece and the words chosen allowing for such a view.
As I continue onto the second stanza poet I tend to also get a view of the country at large where women do the work of perhaps men and filling the gas cans is one of their jobs....interesting ........
Does the smokey haze also refer to car bombings perhaps since there have been way too many lately killing and hurting so many people.........the sadness of truth in today's world. I pray for those in need and for those who are putting their life on the line every day. Thank you for posting, for sharing this with us. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-13 11:32:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
I'm guessing at this. Is this in Iraq? The contrast to one resting in a palace while the women are getting their water in old gas cans amid the smoke of war (if it is war) is really striking. I love poems like this, that say so much in such a short moment in time and lines. The imagery is strikingly good: simple and clean and vivid. The poem reads well in the sort of musing tone that relaxes the reader into an unsuspecting state before hitting them with the one image that wakes them up to re-evaluate the poem. Well done!
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