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Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 353 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Jennifer j HillCritique Date
Colour ChoicesNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, I don't know what anyone elses take on this prose will be, but I say leave it here to bloom like a colorfilled blossom in a beautiful painting. I like the title. I can relate well to the same fears you mention and the whole concept of leaving your love behind in others. I know how many years of my life I wasted on waiting for someone to rescue me. I was pitifully shallow, short sighted and self centered and thought of myself as a victim. I like the concept of the light/dark colors and how you compare them to our emotions. I enjoyed this prose/essay. Thank for sharing it with us TPLer's. Best, Jennifer2006-08-08 06:38:57
Painting A PictureDellena RovitoHi Dellena, What a lovely display you have painted! I like your vision and hope to see many more of your "creations". Love the "Sky high blues"! The last two stanzas blow me away, Like the pendulum is swinging wider and your timing is just awesome. Kudos, Poet, this is a huge success. Best, Jennifer 2006-08-05 10:33:56
Dawningmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, How humbling an experience. Reading this poem I can feel the eye of Heavin bearing down on me as well. It's funny how exactly what I need to hear jumps right in front of me, just when I really need it the most. This piece hit me that way as I read it this AM. It's good to be reminded of the 'truth'. It's good also to peruse your work and especially to read: "The rain is rainier For being blown across Shadows and a fussy sky." Fresh new use of words. Love it! Thanks. My Best, Jennifer 2006-08-05 10:18:29
ShelterNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, This piece gives the reader the feeling of need for some peace, less stress and protection from the craziness of life. I think sometimes we have to withdrawl inside to find ourselves and to heal the scars. Sometimes you have to do this to survive. And things just get crazier out in the world all the time. I like the image of framing your view of the world as through a window. To be able to shut the blinds and make the world go away. At times this piece seems disjointed, which goes well with the underlying theme. Best, Jennifer 2006-08-05 10:14:32
Beyond SummerBrandon Gene PetitHi Brandon , this is very well laid out piece, with imagry that pops for this reader and as well as nostalgic as far as remembering my childhood when I had time to watch the world scurry by. You've given coined some unusual phrases that add to the piece. For instance, "Whirlwinds fraught with nervous leaves Scurry about its humble slab", just as an example. I enjoyed this one. My best, Jennifer 2006-08-05 09:02:37
Seaside SerenadeMary J CoffmanHi Mary, I know you didn't purposely pen this one for me, but I did feel strangely like you had when I was reading and feeling all this lovely poem has to offer. My favorite part ids: "silently swaying to lilting lullabies of the deep under moonlight’s magical silvern breadth" The ebb and flow of this is perfect. I don't have any critique to offer as to me it is stunning and perfect. Thanks for this lovely gift, I'm sure your friend appreciates the kindness. Best, Jennifer 2006-07-30 10:33:55
Within a scaleThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, Ouch. This is scathing and right on. I predict people will either love or hate this piece, depending on how well we are able to take it, when we see ourselves within these lines and whether we can recognize and deal with the truth of it. Very well done , Tom, I always enjoy a little delving. Even if it makes me say ouch, it also makes us grow. Thanks for this one. And don't take it too hard if others don't like it. Very hardhitting and well written. Best, Jennifer 2006-07-30 10:23:34
In This CityEllen K LewisHi Ellen, This is definately anywhere USA. But what I like about it is you do give us a ray of hope. It has become frightening to watch the news. I've known people who lived paycheck to paycheck who ended up getting hooked on crack or meth, people who know the alluring call of drugs or drink and made it their way of life. My son was one of them. He was one of the lucky ones. He got caught, went to jail and got clean. And all it will take is one slip. But this poem says so much more then that. I like the way you laid it out. I'm sure you already noticed the typo in S-6 with 'never'. And the spacing in some parts is distracting, but I think this may have been simply overlooked before submission. The repetition from the title on keeps bringing the point home. You give us images in succinct yet precise fashion. Thanks for sharing this one. Best, Jennifer 2006-07-23 09:07:39
The Child Withinmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, This is such a fun poem! The images within make me feel as though I am experiencing your child within with you. I'm so glad you posted this! It's lovely. I especially like: "Butterfly wings Lavender lace and a Van Gogh sky" What a wonderful image!! Sorry I took so long to respond. It's been a hard month for participating. But I wanted you to know I truly do enjoy this work. Blessings, Jennifer 2006-06-06 11:15:59
Your friendship brightens my day!Jordan Brendez BandojoOh Jordan, This is not childish at all to me. You have such a sensitive and caring heart and it shines here. You describe friendship and caring to a tee and make me feel much younger again just reading this offering. I enjoy the phrase "spirit of get-togetherness. I especially appreciate your sharing of this personal poem. Best, Jennifer 2006-06-06 11:10:51
DaydreamJoanne M UppendahlJoanne, I am so glad you posted this revision. I can't believe I don't remember this one, But every time I read it I get completely and utterly lost in the music and images therein. It's hard to choose a favorite part but this is the part I truly love: "I learn to tremble with lake’s yearning for my lucid fingerling streams, feel wisps of fog caress my banks." I won't be losing this one anytime soon. I'm saving it in my file of favorites by you to read over and over. My best and hope to see more of your work here very soon. Jennifer 2006-06-06 11:06:17
PollinatorDellena RovitoHi Dellena, Somehow I feel the need for a cigarette after that first Stanza. :-) Just kidding I dont smoke , but found this to be sensual. I like the idea for this one and especially the title. Titles are so important to me. I very much enjoyed this one and regret I did not have time to read or participate much this month. Very nicely done! Best, Jennifer 2006-06-06 10:57:06
For The Love Of AphroditeNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy , I vote song. Very nice rhythm going in this one that will make it a good candidate for a song. Nice title too. Sorry I have waited so long to make a comment. Life has been busy this month but I did want you to know I enjoyed this piece. Best, Jennifer 2006-06-06 10:52:24
LeavingRick BarnesRick, When I saw your name on this, it was like having my Dad's home made fudge candy when I was a little girl. A special treat that seldom comes along, but when it does, oh wow, it is so worth the wait. And so are you and your work, dear Rick. This work is a thoughtful tribute to Mell, but more then that, is a clear message in a world of uncertainty. Mell always lived in reality and kept her eye on where she was going, no matter what horrors she had to endure. One must keep on going, there is no other choice. This is a message to all of us, pointed out in a most magnificent way. The descriptions within are fresh and real and touching. And that's how we know it's a Rick Barnes original. But it means much to me because I'm not only an admirer of your poetry, but also because she was a mentor and friend to me and I miss her work and spent many an evening exploring her "jewels" here on TPL and praying for her health. With stinging eyes I realize we must go on from here doing exactly as you say, move forever forward, Toward,“Not Here”. Thanks for this Rick. I'm sure Mell is thanking you as well. Best, Jennifer 2006-05-23 06:56:20
OutgrowthDellena RovitoHi Dellena, This is a fantastic celebration of life. Much of the thinking you have presented in this piece I can very well relate to. But you have tied it up into a neat bouquet and set it to music and for that I am grateful. Because to be able to read and reread this piece is to become one with all things alive. It's a joy to watch this one move up on the winners list! I'm glad I there is still time in the contest to comment on your beautiful poem. I don't know how I missed it untill now. But very glad to have found it. My Best, Jennifer 2006-05-04 19:45:36
For All That Lives And Calls Earth HomeJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne, What an awesome name for your poem. I have watched this piece evolve and find this latest version to be enchanting. I didn't think you could better this, but obviously I was wrong , as this is even more delightful then I ever could possiblly have imagined. My fav parts are becomming almost too numerous to mention. "thrumming reeds" and "moist rumblings" catch my ear. Ha! and I love, "As meant to be as any pair of lovers" That is just superb! And then it builds: "The gleam in her eyes now is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun." That is my absolute fav part. Love the simile. And perfect ending as well. Love every part of it! Thanks for sharing the revision with us. BLessings, Jennifer 2006-05-04 12:17:38
Soul in NeedThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, This has a very real feel and for good cause. There are many who feel this way and thank heaven there is help for them. Your rhyming softens it up a little but it is still very effective. The ending is also effective. Flows great and I like the way you laid the piece out as well. I can recognize the way the narrator feels as I have been there and a helping hand did reach my grasp and pull me from the depths. Thanks for the reminder! This is one of my fav of yours. Best, Jen2006-05-04 10:28:30
ListeningKenneth R. PattonHi Ken, What a joyful poem! Great title! I love the image you give us of you dancing and playing out the feeling there in your heart that the music gives you! I specificly like the idea of your soul being cleansed by music. And that your soul interprets the song. These are lovely ideas that make the reader think. The only thing that caught me up even the least little bit is just the length of line 5, but I have searched for an idea for revision and can come up with nothing that sounds as good and I enjoy the alliteration of precise/physical, soooooo I have to say, keep this piece as is! I feel your joy and am effected by it. Makes me want to dance too! Kudos! My best, Jen 2006-05-04 10:10:44
Awakened SpringNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, What is this form called. The rhyme scheme is unique and I like the repitition. It kind of reminds me of a Vianelle, maybe... At any rate this caught my eye because I love Spring and nature. And because of your way of turning a phrase. My favorite stanza is "The crocus and the daffodil arise to lift their heads and greet a warming sun and sparrow's song, rings sweet that Spring's begun the perfection in God's work, before my eyes." I especially like the way you give credit where it's due. Thanks for this lovely Spring delight. My Best, Jennifer 2006-05-02 11:11:24
PortraitAudrey R DoneganHi Audrey, This sounds like a potrait of someone who is on a steady course. There's much you can tell about a person and especially a loved one by their eyes. This speaks volumes of your esteem without getting overly sentimental. That's hard to do. I particularly like the way you end the first two lines with Y's. This creates a euphony that is quite enjoyable. I really really like the "true hues of mindfulness". And a great ending. You use imagry to paint a portrait out of shadow and that is pretty tricky! I wouldn't change a thing with this one. My Best, Jennifer 2006-05-02 07:27:31
Moonlit Nightmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, A new poem of yours and it certainly doesn't disapoint! This is dazzling! I had to laugh because the title is "Moonlit Night" and I was all ready for one of your gorgeous descriptions of same and then you start with 'Summer sun'. :) What an awesome starting line! "Summer sun rubs". The allit with the assonance beautiful. And from there it gets even better with the imagry and very fresh rhyming. Dusty memories wrapped in cellophane!!!! Love that image--sounds like a memory wrapped up like salt water taffy. lol A little piece of sweet candy for the mind. This piece is so eye catching. I loved experiencing every nuiance of it. Blessings, Jennifer2006-04-27 10:59:49
Tattered Memoriesmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn, This is making me weep like a baby. I can't help it! You sure know how to touch our hearts! This must have been a very painful piece to write , yet I do see so much love and hope within these lines. Those tattered memories seem to be very well intact, actually. Best, Jennifer2006-04-25 08:58:19
WatermarkDellena RovitoHi Dellena, This is powerful and scathing! Intriguing title, fresh metaphor and you make us sit up and take notice without even using any strong language. Imagine that! You start with 'swirling' which can be reminescent of a toilet flushing and when you talk about profanity flowing, well it just goes well together. My favorite is : "It gushes forth with the pressure of a steamed cooker popping it's top" Some of the things they say on the radio and TV make me glad I don't have small children anymore and make we want to quite watching or listening. Yes, it is all about self will! Thanks for this wake up call to the world. I thoroughly agree and appreciate this piece. My Best, Jennifer 2006-04-25 08:32:08
Dawn Till DuskJordan Brendez BandojoHi Jordan, I think remember this one, I believe you have done a slight revision which keeps the eye catching imagry quite well intact and tightens the piece up. Of course with my memory I could be mistaken. :) My favotire part of this is of course: "The sun kissed the shimmering beach Waves in gaiety clashed." Such wonderful snapshots! A glorious 24 hour period that makes the reader happy to experience all of nature though this extremely tasty entree from you. Kudos! Best, Jennifer 2006-04-23 09:01:45
Luna goes to bed…Joanne M UppendahlHi Joanne, With that title all are wooed to read this lovely Haiku. The imagry of this one is stark and filled with beauty. "When night rain bathes Earth"----using long A sound of rain/bathes employs assonance that comfort and calm the reader and I picture Earth getting her bath. "drenched branches nod to wind, then"----and here again the 'ch' sounds are lovely and I really enjoy the added touch of wind/then. "She slips into the sea"----your "s" sounds lull us. Simply mesmerizing! You are so skilled at Haiku! Thanks for sharing this one. My Best, Jennifer 2006-04-23 08:02:20
Pushing EnvelopsJames Edward Schanne Hi Ed, Did you recieve alot of bureaucratic junk mail lately? This is quite a sonnet. The title is oh so intriguing. And it's very passionate. Your rhyme scheme in Stanza 3 seems a tiny bit strained the way you had to word that line to make it work. But other then that I see no nits to pick and am thouroughly entertained by this sonnet. Best, Jennifer 2006-04-21 13:43:58
OrdainedThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, I really really like this. For one thing, it's just plain and simple TRUTH. "Ordained"-nice title and I remember in the bible God says all the days of our lives were written in his book before we are born. "Fathom the feelings"--great alliteration. Nice ending. Best, Jennifer 2006-04-21 10:53:24
A Sonnetmarilyn terwilleger Hi Marilyn, This is lovely. Such sweet perfect love described within these lines. I so like idea of your love abiding in shade, cloaked in hues of eves brocade. That is just such a lovely sounding thought! I always feel wrong when I actually try to take someone elses poem apart and actually ' pick a nit' of said poem. I know there must be some way to accomplish this tactfully , but I haven't hit it on yet. So here goes another lame attempt at same. I sure don't claim to be an expert on Sonnets and in fact have written only two that were not too great. I took a workshop and did a bit of research on sonnets last year and I think you will probably be able to set me straight. The way I understand the sonnet, it is written in iambic pentameter, meaning lines with ten syllables each. That may be outdated info and if so I apologise. I think it is in the reading aloud that this makes a difference in sound in iambic pentameter. I note this only because iambic part means two syllables with the accent on the second. Line 4 has 11 syllables and (also I think you mean angels rather then angles) I think it would be an easy fix with the removal of 'the'. Again line 11 has eleven syllables. And lines 13 and 14 are short lines. I think these would be very easy revisions as well without doing anything too drastic to the heart and soul of the piece, but I think the poem stands well without any changes what-so-ever and is really quite beautiful! Again plese forgive my probable tactless interference in celebrating the joy of your love! :-) Best, Jennifer2006-04-21 08:24:21
Especially in SpringJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne, I love this. Literally, Love is all around and if we pay attention we can see it in everything.In this busy world of road rage and hurry up and work work work , we all need to take a moment to stop and take notice. Many seldom ever do. Maybe that's why there are so many uptight people in the world. Your title tells the reader this is the time of year when we feel the love of our Creator all around us. This title is so perfect and it seems to be part of the poem body itself and launches the poem right over the top from the beginning. Then also, when you say 'convince me', I am right there hanging on every word, because I want to know what you need to be convinced of. Well, I'm terribly sorry, Joanne, because I absolutely can not even consider convincing you of this. lol. Your persuasive examples here have me on a one way plane to nature poem heaven. :-) Flowing like a spring breeze, this piece takes the reader on a tour de nature. "flung silk thread  glistening in sun" What a glorious image this gives and the sound of flung/sun gives beauty in the sound as well. Once when we were sailing in early Spring there were literaly hundreds of strings of gossamer floating in the breeze, shining in the sun and much of it got caught on the mainsail and were flying like flags off every stay. This image you give us reminds of that day. I miss sailing and love taking every opertunity for those memories to surface, so this is a double wammy for me. "swift’s trill and  chickadee’s whistle" Again Swift's/whistle is so joyfully musical. It seems an etenity from the time the birds all leave our chilly surrounding untill they come back to let us know it's Spring again. I love waking to their songs in the AM just before first light. We have Meadow Larks that stir us here at our new house. "squirrel’s leap  from yet-bare 2006-04-20 13:31:35
HIMmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, Looks like we have been thinking along same lines recently with our postings and the Easter Holiday at hand. HIM is the perfect title for this poignant poem about your salvation. The ending is superb. Did you see "The Passion"? That last paragraph remind me of the single tear that was shed by our Creator at the end of the movie. This poem reminds us of what we need in our lives and could not be more timely. Thank you so m uch for sharing this experieince. OF course I wouldn't change a thing about this one. Blessings, Jennifer 2006-04-17 08:25:42
My Husband"s Mothermarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, Another blast from your past! This is a treat! This tribute to your m-i-l is chock full of descriptors that set the mood to a time when life was simple and easy to enjoy. It's plain to see that you and your m-i-l formed a special bond because of the love you shared for a special man. This is an enjoyable read. Did you share this with her? I know I have a special bond with my m-i-l and it is so nice to have her because even though she can't replace my Mother who passed 8 years ago, she is still like a Mom to me and I love her. Thanks for stepping out and sharing from your past. Best, Jennifer ps Have a wonderful Easter 2006-04-14 09:29:25
My Reveriemarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, As far as I'm concerned this is the next best thing to being there. So many wonderful descriptions. Such beauty,immenseness, everywhere you look is God's bounty. My fav part is: "A strange quiet possesses the hills, bunches of boulders sit atop bluffs reaching for sky like blunt fists, whispers of wind climb to drifting clouds. I sit very still, inhaling scents of moss and twilight." I close my eyes and I can picture the scene. My fav kind of poetry is free verse nature poetry. This definaely fills the bill. Thanks for sharing this. Best, JEnnifer2006-04-14 08:59:33
Venus on the Half ShellJoanne M UppendahlDear Joanne, I have never been so happy to see a name on the screen as I am this AM. Oh my goodness, I have missed you so much and am so glad you're back. I hope it's permanant, as the Loss of Mell has left me reeling and I can not bear the thought that this site might never be blessed with your work or your mentoring. Thank heaven for the inspiration from Rumi, because for me this transcends "Some Kiss We Want". Your title calls the reader without giving away what lies within. You use no more words then needed to create imagry through personification that is magnificent and does so much more then just pull the reader along. I am reminded of those cartoons where the aroma of something delectable causes the character to float through the air inhaling heavenly scents and gliding unaware of the fact their feet are not even touching the ground. That is where I am right now as I read and reread this treat for the senses. I can only offer my gratitude that you bless us with your work. Welcome back and Best Wishes, Jennifer 2006-04-13 07:33:19
Vernal Season (Haiku)Thomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, I really like all the sounds and feel of this one. It's a nice change the way you use pine trees instead of flowers or tree buds to show us how spring is arriving. This is a really nice first attempt. I would have thought you'd been writing Haiku your whole life long. Best, Jennifer 2006-04-11 11:02:13
MELL W. MORRISTurner Lee WilliamsTurner, With tears and the best of memories I thank you for this wonderful tribute to THE bravest woman I've ever known. Best, Jennifer 2006-04-07 21:27:13
Tranquilitymarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, After reading of Mell's passing today, I could use a little tranquility and have been feeling sad that one of my mentors has gone from this world. I know she is in a much better place and not suffering anymore, but it still makes the tears flow to think of it. This piece pulled me in and helped me feel insulated from the cold bitter harshness, and cradled by your pines I feel safe and sound. Thank you for this warmth on a cold cold winter night. May the Lord Bless and Keep you. Best, Jennifer2006-03-20 19:55:14
InhaledThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, Very nice tribute to a very deserving poet who has given more to this site then she possibly could have gotton from it. Fitting title and verbiage! I'm so glad you decided to bring this one out and share it. I not only enjoy the read , but also can relate to the contents. I'm quite sure your tribute was apprciated by more then who it was written to. Hats off to you for this. Best, Jennifer 2006-03-19 10:51:55
TimeThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, I really enjoyed this read! More truth could not be wrapped up into a more perfect package! The flow is nice, word choics and sounds are pleasant to the ear. And of coure the message is a good one. I'd rename it Unwrapping a Sandwich. :-) Lovely! Best, Jennifer 2006-03-19 10:45:13
LeftDellena RovitoDellena, This is poignant and personal. I feel your pain. I understand you've suffered this loss and it leaves an empty spot in the heart. Your simple "LEFT" is title enough to show where you are in this loss. I have one small suggestion on line 7. You might want to rework this just a tad to make it blend into the rest of the piece a little bit more. I would suggest a change from "And the yearning for you I always will." to: "And yearning for you I'll always be" or something of that sort. I know I will probably regret messing with your poem. Everytime I do that I end up being sorry. So please don't take offense. I'm just trying my hand at the new TPL critiquing. :-) Your poem will stand beautifully as is. Best, Jennifer 2006-03-19 10:29:07
PoofKenneth R. PattonHi Ken, Very thought provoking piece! I am now sitting her pondering about some of the people I've known that have died and what their life amounted to after their demise. It could be a happy thought , but alas I'm afraid it has turned to a sad one. This has an original title and I like the repitition of it at the end. And yes it is amazing to think how absurd it really is. lol Best, Jen2006-03-14 14:25:22
HingingJames C. HorakHi James There are just certain times when you want to remember details of events exactly as they are. The determining factor may seem insignificant to another while atually being intensely important or of great magnitude seen through the writters eyes. And sometimes seeking to grasp the relevence of the situation brings intense purpose to our ponderings. I find this poem to be exquisitely written in such a fashion as to capture the mind and lead the reader through this experience in such a way as to help us feel the love and longing. It actually reminds me of when my Mother died, which might seem morbid to some. But, she had suffered so, got that emancipated look and when she lay her coffin resting so peacefully and looking so plump, she was beautiful and it brought back such memories that I wanted just to stoke her face and let her know how much I love her. I wanted to make everything as perfect for her as I could never do when she was alive. And as you said, "The set of everything seemed to matter" Beautiful rendering James! Best, Jennifer 2006-03-14 14:03:56
ForgottenThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, This pulled me in right away and kept my attention to the end , a very very sad end. But yet real and true. They should not be forgotton, but back here life goes on and only loved ones notice. Thanks for caring enough to wrie this. It's like another world so far removed. Thanks for putting me there and making me think. This piece deftly hits the mark. Best, Jennifer2006-03-13 14:24:08
In Another's ObsessionJames C. HorakJames, In the realm of why can't we all just respect eachother's poetry and get along I want to acknowlege this poem spoke to me and I found myself rereading it and finding multiple issues you speak to. I found myself laughing and enjoying this immensely. Hopefully you won't find that to be insensitive. :) Most of all, I think many will relate to the last part about surviving the night. Best, Jen2006-03-07 13:26:53
With a TearDeborah L BirdHi Deb, Good to see you around here. There's a great deal to think about in these lines and much truth as well. I agree with the concept wholeheartedly. I would suggest in L-1 endless in the place of un-ending, cutting 'altho' in L-7 to shorten and give clarity and also to cut 'Whereas' in last line. I think this would tighten up your piece and give it more cohesiveness. I did enjoy this one. Best, Jen2006-03-06 10:06:32
StrappedThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, Well, there's no way I could forget this jewel from the past. Since sailing and the sea are some of my most favorite topics this poem and your wording have special meaning for me. You give us clear wonderful imagary and your ending stanza is superb. The only suggestion I could make would be the remove the most obvious "Love" at the very end as it is not needed. Best, Jen2006-03-04 08:38:44
How to press a buttonMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, Where to begin...This is my first crit in a long time and I pick this one. Actually let me take a step back and say that yes I am critiqueing and planning to post, as well. I will try not to be too nicey nice and not to get my feelings hurt too easily by any misunderstood people. As far as my critiques, I have always given a summery of what effect the poem had on me and until I learn some thing different that's mostly what you're gonna get from me. But the good news is , I could give a rat's booty whether you give me a 3 or a 10. Or maybe that's the bad news, remains to be seen. Anyway, I hope we're sraight on that. Point being if you want to give me a three and then tell me what you really wanted to hear, go ahead. The title intrigued me and drew me in. Each stanza became more thought provoking as I went along. Talk about fresh images. These you deliver. I feel like you pick your words carefully giving the reader a razor sharp image of what you want us to see. My favorite part poeticlly is "Ink, extracted from butterflies, hydrates a mirage. This serves no purpose." But the ending is a superb snap that makes the reader come away going "Oh wow". The only suggestion I would have is not of much import, but to make the first two stanza's tercets like the rest from a visual standpoint. Sorry, I know that is kind of silly, but I tried! Good luck in the contest. Best, Jennifer 2006-03-03 08:56:28
To Oakwood and BackThomas Edward WrightT, This deserves #1. Bravo and Good Luck. jj 2006-01-05 21:18:36
Mind BenderThomas H. SmihulaHi Tom, Good to have you back for a visit, I presume. Always look forward to your work. Mind Bender is a unique name. It draws the reader in. You deliver with this clever piece. The 6 stanza's of short quatrains work well, but if I'm to be honest ( which is what the clammoring on the forum is about) I'd like to see what this looks like in a less structured piece. By that I mean longer lines might seem more stream-of-conscious and be exetremely effective for the type of subject matter you have here. I enjoy the image of the door in the mind opening as you reach into the recesses to explore, like some mind/memory game of hide-n- seek. The rhyme is natural and does not feel forced. The realnees of the nightmare is felt by the reader and the intensity is there as well. I like the last line where you are this time reaching outwards "In search of a dream. Nice work, Poet. Enjoyed this one! Hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season, Jennifer 2005-12-09 12:11:42
November SighsNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, This is a wonderfully evocative title and poem. And yes , I do find it to be soothing to read it aloud. I never heard of a Wave Waltz, but it's fun to learn new forms. Your "W"s are wonderfully whispery and soothing and I especially enjoy the triple allit you begin with! Thanks for sharing this one. Happy Holidyas, Jennifer2005-12-03 22:06:15
At Her Grave, and AfterThomas Edward WrightHey TEW, She'll be there for every Holiday, every... any... day... forever, in your traditions, the way you relate to children...wife...father... and in your vivid, fond memories. She does live on. Really nice tribute. I know from experience that sharing these helps not just us but others going through same. Happy Holidays, JJ 2005-12-02 13:54:56
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Jennifer j HillCritique Date

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