This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2003-10-14 21:17:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Poem Title

So sad to see you try so hard to wake me mom And all I will give you is another poem. Distracted but I hear you calling me my love My sister it's so great to hear your voice again. I open one eye and keep the other closed I see you kissing me and stirring up my penis I dream of peace and love and happiness. Now I'm confused because I want both Both are so tempting both are so right Life is beautiful and so is my dream Open my eyes no close them shut. Desperation turns to bliss as truth begins to form I tell myself to live my dream. Desire to find a way to unite them both Is quickly subdued by pain. My hate will fuel my desire. My hate will fuel my desire. My hate will fuel my desire. My hate will fuel my desire.
Copyright © October 2003 Sergio M chavez

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-05 15:54:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
This poem to me is a reflection of abuse.....the worse kind I am afraid....sexual abuse..... Again there might be mental abuse along as physical associated within the lines. From some of what I read I have the person abused in some kind of hospital and within the confines of his or her mind they are reaching out to those that are coming near them....... perhaps they might have tried to take and end the tragedy that surrounds them and this was the only way for them...... One particular stanza gives off reference to wanting both the good and the bad of what is dealt within.....the sexual abuse, the mental anguish, the power of control.... gosh I am so off key here poet....but this is what I am feeling at this particular time of read.... The repetition of the final stanza seems to work well here poet.......indeed 'My hate will fuel my desire" This poem reads quite well and keeps the reader traveling down line to line, stanza to stanza and images just keep jumping as one goes.... presentation of the conflict of spirit in such abuse is extremely well done. I wouldn't change this by either adding or taking away from. I thank you for posting this most difficult piece to not only write but to share as well. Be safe my friend and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-16 16:15:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Hi Sergio, I believe this is the first time I have read your work and I must admit this piece troubles me. I was compelled to read it several times to understand the full impact of the words. I believe you are telling the reader about child abuse....hurts me to realize that is this poems intent. My heart immediately goes out to the child and I can't imagine what he must be going through. His only defense is his dreams...which he must hold onto no matter what is happening to him. He is confused and somewhat frightened. The other thought I have is that he is not being abused at all but has a desire for his mother that he cannot control except through hate of himself. You have certainly written a compelling and thought provoking piece and I can't wait until you read this crit and set me straight about your meaning. great work..profound. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-16 09:58:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
I'll do the best I can with this. If I'm reading this poem correctly it is about abuse, specifically sexual abuse, and perhaps another sort of physical and mental abuse. The reaction of the body is healthy, the abuse of power isn't. I have a strong identification with this subject and particularly appreciate the final stanza, even though it is but a part of recovery. As a poem, this reads well. The use of space is good, the imagery very well done. The presentation of the conflict of spirit inherent in such abuse is extremely well done. I wouldn't change this. Hang in there, Rene Fraley
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