This Poem was Submitted By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-01-14 22:57:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Blue

Earthy blue under the crow’s wing where black seems all but total. The bluesheen, the shaft and flow of dark and feather.  The baptismal blue of the ocean breaking for the first time over land and rock. Earthy blue under eyelash smudge  and vein, tired hand, and pressing thumb. The blue streaking, bruising from the inside, to the late night roll and twitch of no sleep. Sleep, o beautiful sleep, must be blue.  

Copyright © January 2004 Jane A Day

This Poem was Critiqued By: thomas romanelli On Date: 2004-02-07 18:59:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
This is really nice, Jane. I love your idea--expressions of the color blue in it's various aspects (The baptismal blue of the ocean breaking for the first time over land and rock--wow, that is beautiful! ) You seem to have a great talent for imagery. On second thought, I don't think it's really nice, I think it's brilliant!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-02 10:34:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Hi Jane, Maybe it's coincidence, but I think Blue must be the overall feeling we have in January, as I noticed there are other poems with blue in the title this month. I'm not sure I understand why(other then the fact it is quite lovely) this piece keeps pulling back for another read. The descriptions and images you give are signiture of style for you and this one is no exception here-also fresh and alive I might add. Blue is my fav color and with each new depiction, you give me a new reason to feel that way. And especially at the end. I wouldn't change a thing. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 15:23:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90476
Wow. This is a super poem. Incredibly well done, it actually makes me wish I had written it. I could not critique this poem, as it's exactly the sort of thing I would hope to write myself. It's very colorful and visual, as well as more complex and has a depth that I don't see in many poems I read here. There is a good variety of different visual cues here also and this is the depth I speak of. I wrote a poem about blue also once, but it wasn't nearly as good as this. Super job. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-01-17 19:23:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
a very disturbing piece, nurse day. i would encourage you to drink more alcohol. the bruising is more colorful, more often, and more deadly. dr.w.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-01-15 21:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jane: There. A longing has been filled. It is as if 'no time' has passed. Time as I know it collapses completely when a poem like this one comes along and absorbs me. It is like cool water to the feverish brow, colors to the blind. It is the whole reason I keep reading and writing. Finding this today was equal to the thrill (for me) of a spontaneous visit from the muse, and an outpouring of words upon the blank page. There was (is) a page in my consciousness that wanted this particular poem and no other. Enough! To the poem -- Earthy blue under the crow’s wing where black seems all but total. How like you to find exquisite beauty "under the crow's wing" - the bird so common and often disliked, the one with the raucous voice whose call is frequently grating. But you caught the beauty of the "earthy blue" - what a sublime expression, for one thinks of blue sky and water, but seldom, or never of earthiness in context with this color. It is warm under the wing, and perhaps the earthiness arises from that life which gave warmth. Where is the beauty in our own lives "where black seems all but total" you seem to be asking us. We may look with refreshed eyes. The bluesheen, the shaft and flow of dark and feather. Your crow is so very different from the tyger in Blake's forests, but this poem evokes a luminous awareness, a humble appreciation which I can't help but liken to Blake's trandscendant writings. The voice is very different, one which makes us slow, stop, quietly look, run our fingers mentally across the "bluesheen" and sigh. The baptismal blue of the ocean breaking for the first time over land and rock. The rhythm here is flawless and engulfing. I want to keep these words like cherished objects, dance to the music in them, celebrate creation's wonders. Earthy blue under eyelash smudge and vein, tired hand, and pressing thumb. With "smudge" I am taken to a purification ceremony. Perhaps the blue of the crow's wing is like a woman's blue-black hair that I recall seeing; it seemed lit from within. The blue streaking, bruising from the inside, to the late night roll and twitch of no sleep. Now the rhythm changes, the physical descriptions evoke a ship's "late night roll" and you show us that exhaustion opens other doorways. That "earthy blue" comes at a cost. I see now how the color contains such fascination, such magnetism. It is the color of the desired "beautiful sleep" which remains elusive to the writer. The waking dream is the poem, and the poem induces a dream-like state in me. Sleep, o beautiful sleep, must be blue. The closing line evokes these words from a poem by Sir Philip Sydney: "Come, Sleep; O Sleep! the certain knot of peace, The baiting-place of wit, the balm of woe, The poor man's wealth, the prisoner's release" May "no sleep" turn to deep, refreshing sleep, dependable as the sunrise. Thank you for this immensely enjoyable piece. My best to you, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-01-15 11:58:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jane, It's nice to see a new poem from you Jane. The contagious "blue" blew my breath away. I like how you define these cobalt eyes as "Earthly blue under eyelash smudge". I also like how you define this feeling of loneliness especially in the night in your lines "The blue streaking, bruising from the inside, to the late night roll and twitch of no sleep". I can easily feel and see these restless images. And to calm it with a hymn and lullaby "Sleep, o beautiful sleep, must be blue" is just perfect! Thank you for another psalm of mysterious invocation. Again, haunting my admiration to your talent! Keep them pouring! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-01-15 11:55:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jane, I was rocking with the rhythme, the original phrasing, "baptismal blue," "bruising from the inside," and the generally deft cobbling of the language - love these lines, to pick my favorites "Earthy blue under eyelash smudge and vein, tired hand, and pressing thumb." (really love the "eyelash smudge" - which somehow seems (ridiculously) original -how'd you do that?" and the pacing and tactility of the second line) -when i got hit with that last line, like some verse from a early 19th century Romantic Poetry periodical or something. This inveterate Romantic in my poetic sensibilities would hate to criticize such a line, but i think i have to. It just introduced a tone and poetic that didn't fit with the preceding. Glad you still submit here. We do have some candles for the midnight. Mark
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!